Who Am I

Chapter 49

Ji Yushi’s reaction was very weak. He had said that line without any hesitation, as if it was something he had thought about thousands of times inside and there was no burden for him to say it at all.

It was too abnormal.

It wasn’t like the usual Ji Yushi.

Song Qinglan’s voice now carried a trace of anxiety, “Why don’t you? You have parents, colleagues, friends and also your older brother —- Didn’t we run into him earlier?”

As the two confronted each other, it was like Ji Yushi was caught between something. Every part of his body was stiff and even his breathing was shallow.

Hearing that question, his eyelashes trembled slightly. His expression however remained the same.

He was clearly a little shaken.

Seeing his reaction, Song Qinglan said again, “Otherwise, you also have people you are in a relationship with. If you’re gone, what will happen to them?”

Three turning into one, it really wasn’t something a straight man could bear to listen to.

Song Qinglan felt that it didn’t seem appropriate. This example wasn’t good enough.

He paused and quickly skipped over the topic. He tried his best to focus on the main issue, “Everyone has a reality that truly belongs to them and everyone has a life that belongs to them. Think about it, do you really not have a single thing you want to accomplish in your real reality? For example, your dream or something you have been pursing for a long time? If you give up now, what will become of those years of hard work——”

His words reached an abrupt stop here. Song Qinglan was left stunned because Ji Yushi’s eyelashes trembled slightly, and a tear slipped down at an extremely fast speed.

Song Qinglan had never seen anyone’s tears fall so fast and so straightforwardly.

Along with the shock, his heart squeezed tightly, sending pain throughout his chest.

Song Qinglan only now reacted. What did he mean by there was no such reality?

Was Ji Yushi’s life not as happy as he had imagined?

Such extremely pessimistic words were spoken by Ji Yushi himself. It meant that it wasn’t just an emotional outburst and likely a fact.

He had clearly been the one who was inexplicably thrown away and he should be the one feeling angry and wronged but after Song Qinglan realised this, he felt at loss. For the first time in his life, he couldn’t form a proper sentence and even felt a little panicked.

He raised his hand and then lowered it back down.

Song Qinglan was frustrated. Dammit, why hadn’t anyone taught him how to comfort someone?!

Ji Yushi actually wasn’t crying.

Those tears were physiological. Like a handful of snow on a pine leaf shaken off by the wind and disappearing the moment it falls onto the snow below, it was only a drop and that was it.

Compared to crying, it was more like an instinct.

For some reason, despite being so close, Song Qinglan found that he couldn’t just reach out to touch Ji Yushi’s face and he couldn’t wipe away Ji Yushi’s tears.

It was as if, as long as he touched Ji Yushi, something would completely shatter.

Ji Yushi’s eyes that appeared translucent under the light just continued to look at him.

Those eyes were wet, but they were colder than ever before. Ji Yushi said, “Here, I can have everything I want.”

Song Qinglan, “But you don’t belong here!”

Ji Yushi, “It doesn’t matter which reality I’m in.”

He had been bewitched.

“Ji Yushi!”

Song Qinglan couldn’t hold back anymore, He wiped away the inconspicuous tears with his thumb. He didn’t know why his hands felt hot. Even the tips of his fingers trembled slightly.

He seemed to have understood something but right now wasn’t the time for Song Qinglan to think about it. He only said in a deep voice, “It’s very important!! Who you are is very important! Even if you don’t have that kind of reality like you said, you still have us. Me, Chun’er, Duan Wen…..The six people in the seventh squad are waiting for you. You can’t have your heart disturbed by that one phone call, it’s all fucking fake—–”

One phone call.

Those words entered Ji Yushi’s ears.

In an instant, his pupils dilated slightly and, gradually, his entire body visibly relaxed.

“Fake.”

He said.

The tense string in his mind had broken off. Ji Yushi gradually returned to his senses. As if he had lost all strength, he fell onto Song Qinglan’s shoulder, “Cap Song, it’s that phone call…..”

Song Qinglan who had unexpectedly found himself used as a support froze in place.

The other party was almost completely in his embrace.

There was a faint scent entering his nose. It came from Ji Yushi’s hair.

Ji Yushi didn’t seem to notice anything wrong about this as he lightly caught his breath. When his mind was clear again, he found himself covered in cold sweat.

He belatedly felt a little afraid.

If Song Qinglan hadn’t caught up to him, he might have really fallen for that fatal temptation.

Ji Yushi rested his head against Song Qinglan’s shoulder and said both quickly and briefly, “There was something wrong with that phone call. It captured what I desired and after I hung up, that was the only thought left in my mind. Nothing else mattered anymore.”

The crisis was averted. Sure enough, it was the phone call.

Song Qinglan breathed a sigh of relief, “Fuck.”

This position allowed his chin to rest on top of Ji Yushi’s head. He didn’t know how to respond in a situation like this.

Ji Yushi didn’t move so Song Qinglan could only reluctantly raise his hand and pat the other party’s back, “It’s good that you’ve returned to your senses. We should let Old Duan and the others know and let them be more vigilant.”

Ji Yushi made a sound of agreement, but he still didn’t move.

The hand Song Qinglan was about to lower hesitated.

Several seconds later, he changed it into an embracing posture. When his teammate is in a poor mood, he should do his duty as a captain to comfort them.

Gently protecting the person in his arms, Song Qinglan spoke with some complaint, “One moment we were discussing the double-slit experiment and the next moment you turned around and left. You’re more of a slag than Li Chun. Advisor Ji, what was it in that phone call that attracted you that much?”

In fact, Song Qinglan wanted to know what Ji Yushi had experienced and what kind of life he had led for him to be able to say such pessimistic words like “I don’t have that kind of reality.”

But it seems that they had not yet reached the point where they could tell each other everything.

Ji Yushi only replied in a muffled voice, “It’s something I have been pursuing all my life.”

The heat from the other person’s breath sprayed onto his neck, creating an itchy sensation.

When a person sobers up, they still remember everything they had done when they were in a confused state. Song Qinglan’s heart felt like it was tickled by a feather and he found it a little funny, “What is it?”

As soon as he finished saying this, Song Qinglan was pushed away by Ji Yushi.

“Thank you.” Having recovered, Ji Yushi ruthlessly became distant again. He had already returned to his usual calmness, “It may be those three boyfriends or something. If I don’t return, won’t they die of sadness?”

In Song Qinglan’s words just now ‘You also have people you are in a relationship with. If you’re gone, what will happen to them?’, the word ‘them’ was spoken very carefully.

Ji Yushi didn’t expect Song Qinglan to be so persistent with this misunderstanding.

Feeling insulted, Ji Yushi who liked to hold grudges and couldn’t be bothered arguing with a straight man deliberately said those words to block him.

Song Qinglan frowned, “You………”

“I cherish myself very much.” Ji Yushi returned to the main topic after successfully making Song Qinglan unable to speak, “Chief Lin told me in the phone call that the results are out, and the mission rating was very high.”

Feeling a little empty inside, he felt a little unhappy.

Song Qinglan crossed his arms in front of his chest and said arrogantly, “It’s fake. The results won’t be out this quickly.”

Ji Yushi, “I also know it couldn’t be this fast.”

*

The two walked inside. They had to buy tickets again.

Passengers around them were hurrying about. Occasionally, unfamiliar faces would look over at them.

After that commotion, Song Qinglan wordlessly kept a close eye on the person he had just managed to capture. Right now, they were certain that this reality was a lot more complicated than they had initially thought.

If they didn’t pay attention, the other party may be drawn away by something else again.

Song Qinglan, “The reason you were bewitched was because of the mission rating?”

“Yes.” Ji Yushi explained as he walked. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before continuing, “After including the last mission rating, I can get the reward I deserve.”

What kind of reward could be so tempting to even make someone like Ji Yushi waver? He even no longer cared if it was real and threw his teammate away like he was bewitched.

Tianqiong had a point system.

In Tianqiong, the accumulation of points not only meant a higher rating, it also brought along greater glory and these points could also be exchanged for more advanced tasks and access to Tianqiong’s core which was extremely important for future career development.

A Guardian with a personal rating of greater than one star could be promoted to an Inspector, holding the power to inspect any time and space.

As for a Recorder with a personal rating of greater than one star……There had never been one in Tianqiong’s history.

Although a Recorder’s job was relatively safe, it was very tedious and lacked room for advancements. Facing the mistakes and suffering from the past and being unable to do anything, only playing the role of a bystander, it tested one’s endurance and perseverance, so there had not been many people promoted to one star.

Before leaving for the mission, Song Qinglan knew that Ji Yushi would soon be promoted from two stars to one star. Although it wasn’t greater than one star, he would still be rewarded. Song Qinglan didn’t know what a Recorder’s reward would be, but his good training prevented him from asking directly.

Ji Yushi was different from the other members in the seventh squad. He wasn’t one to easily confide in others. Even when analysing and sorting out his thoughts, he would only do it when he was completely confident.

Back in the Ouroboros mission when he spoke in front of everyone, it was also a matter Ji Yushi had to overcome first.

The two walked towards the ticketing machine.

Ji Yushi gave Song Qinglan his ID card to purchase the tickets with and suddenly caught a glimpse of the other party’s bruised and swollen hand.

It was like Song Qinglan didn’t notice it. His slender finger quickly selected options on the transparent panel, but it could be seen that his actions were a little stiff.

Did it hurt?

It must hurt.

Ji Yushi suddenly realised that, from the moment he left the train carriage until he was found by Song Qinglan, the other party hadn’t placed any blame on him.

Their current situation was completely his fault.

Regardless of what the current reality was like, at least for Song Qinglan, this was his reality after being intercepted and brought back from the Chaos mission.

It was him who raised the suspicion first and it was also him who worked hard gathering information before coming to Ning City to discuss countermeasures with him —- In a situation where nothing was certain, the other party did all that. In addition to that, Song Qinglan was forced to remember his other memory, overthrowing everything he originally thought was his reality yet when they left together to try and find a solution to their situation, he was almost left behind.

All this time, Song Qinglan didn’t show any panic or consider the option of retreating.

But did he really not panic at all?

No one in the world knew about the feeling of memory confusion and being unable to distinguish between reality better than Ji Yushi. No matter how firm his heart was, Song Qinglan was still just a normal human.

After purchasing the ticket, Song Qinglan asked, “If you need this reward, you could earn the points faster as a Guardian. Why did you choose to be a Recorder?”

“Because the condition for me to get my reward was to complete 100 Recorder missions as a Recorder so I could only be a Recorder.”

As soon as he said this, Ji Yushi realised that he had actually answered Song Qinglan’s question.

Trust was mutual.

It may not be so difficult opening one’s heart.

A train passed this small station.

Amid the noise, Song Qinglan turned his head and looked over.

“I was adopted.” Ji Yushi lowered his eyes, his eyelashes casting a shadow, “I want to go back to more than ten years ago to see my father’s scene of murder.”