GalaxyTL
After I finished my response to Ethan's confession, a brief, awkward silence filled the room.
…Could it be that my response was a mistake?
I had conditionally accepted Ethan's confession, promising that if he still wanted to maintain our relationship by graduation, I would accept it.
Surely, this was an answer Ethan could understand. It allowed me to maintain my loyalty to him after five years of friendship.
Just as I started to feel a bit relieved by my response, Ethan asked an unexpected question in a serious tone.
“Lilith.”
“Yes, Ethan?”
“If we’re going to be like lovers, what exactly does that mean for you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, like holding hands, saying ‘I love you,’ those kinds of things lovers do.”
“……”
“What are you willing to allow?”
“Well, um…”
… I hadn’t thought that far.
While I was focused on maintaining loyalty, I hadn’t considered the specifics of what being ‘like lovers’ entailed.
I was just thinking about doing typical couple activities, but I hadn’t set any boundaries.
The biggest problem was that I had never been in a relationship before, either in this life or my past one.
How could someone like me, who knew nothing about dating, set boundaries for physical contact?
Realizing the gap in my knowledge, I felt increasingly flustered.
“Well, um… that is…”
“……”
Ethan waited patiently for my answer, his eyes fixed on mine.
Holding hands should be fine, right? No, that’s too minimal. We've held hands before during the masquerade ball and other occasions.
What about hugging? But hugs can be platonic too.
Then, should I allow kissing?
“Ah, um, ah…”
“Lilith?! Are you okay? Should I call Saintess Serista?”
“No, it’s not that kind of problem, Ethan.”
“Well, that’s a relief.”
Imagining kissing Ethan made my mind go blank.
I had already had my first kiss due to CPR, but thinking about kissing Ethan voluntarily made my head spin.
No, that kiss doesn’t count. It was a medical procedure.
‘No, thinking about when I had my first kiss isn’t important right now.’
I needed to focus on what I was willing to allow Ethan, and ignore these confusing thoughts.
The furthest we had gone physically was when Ethan touched my chest.
Originally, I didn’t intend to let him do that, but since he kept winning against Harold, it became a regular thing.
Given that the most intense contact we had was chest touching, did that mean I needed to allow more now?
Would the next step be…?
“No! Absolutely not!!”
“What?!”
“No matter how much we’re like lovers, doing such things as students is inappropriate…”
“…Lilith, calm down. What do you mean by ‘such things’?”
“…Sorry.”
Caught up in my thoughts about the next step, I accidentally blurted out my panic.
I needed to be clear and specific so Ethan understood my boundaries.
I couldn’t let things escalate without setting firm limits.
“…Sex…”
“…Sex?”
“I mean, um, sexual… I mean, um… no…”
“…It’s alright, Lilith. I understand what you’re trying to say.”
“No, let me be clear.”
I needed to ensure there were no misunderstandings.
“I believe it’s inappropriate to engage in sexual acts before marriage.”
“Can I ask why? I’m not questioning your decision, just curious.”
“It’s because of my mother’s teachings. She was a devout follower of the Aurelia Church and raised me to keep my purity until marriage.”
“…I see. If it’s your mother’s teaching, I understand.”
I felt a bit guilty for lying, but I needed this excuse to prevent us from crossing a line I wasn’t ready for.
Without this boundary, it could have easily escalated.
Ethan, understanding and respectful, accepted my explanation.
“I understand. I’ll respect that boundary.”
“Thank you, Ethan.”
Ethan, always considerate, moved closer to my face.
“Ethan? You’re a bit close…”
“So, is that the only condition, Lilith?”
“…What?”
“Is it just sex that’s off-limits, or are other things allowed?”
“…What?”
Wait, did I really imply that everything else was okay?
No, I hadn’t meant that.
I was just trying to establish a final boundary.
“……”
“……”
Ethan leaned so close that our noses almost touched.
At the last moment, I closed my eyes, anticipating a kiss, but felt something firm and slightly hard against my lips.
It wasn’t his lips. It was his…
“Just kidding, Lilith.”
“…What?”
When I opened my eyes, Ethan was pressing his finger against my lips, a calm understanding in his eyes.
“Don’t worry, Lilith. I won’t rush things.”
“…What?”
“I won’t rush our relationship. Let’s start fresh as lovers from today. That way, you’ll feel more comfortable.”
“…Yes, that sounds good.”
…Phew.
I thought he was really going to kiss me.
Though I had imagined these scenarios, actually kissing Ethan was too much for me right now.
I needed more time to prepare.
“I didn’t realize a kiss would make you this nervous, Lilith.”
“…What?”
“Given that we’ve done more intense things, it’s interesting you’re nervous about a kiss.”
“……”
“I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I’m happy to see this new side of you.”
“…Ethan.”
“Yes?”
Feeling irritated by his smugness, I lightly kissed Ethan as he turned his head.
…Just a quick peck.
“……”
Ethan stared at me in shock, while I felt a strange heat rising inside me.
I needed to act calm despite feeling flustered.
“…Don’t misunderstand, Ethan.”
“Lilith? What was that…”
“I’m not so weak that I’d tremble over a mere kiss.”
“……”
“…I just wanted you to know that.”
…I hope he understood.
I’m not so weak that I’d tremble over a kiss.
“Okay, Lilith. I understand…”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“……”
“……”
As we shared an awkward silence, neither of us could meet the other’s eyes.
When Serista returned to the infirmary a few minutes later, Ethan and I still hadn’t managed to break the tension.