Atila, who had been engaging in conversation with Elia, felt a familiar presence approaching from a distance. A glance confirmed Aidan and Lee Hayul cutting through the darkness, heading their way.

Atila narrowed her eyes upon recognizing Aidan’s face. The expression on the face of the guy who said he would apologize was somehow odd.

‘…Did that guy actually apologize properly?’

Atila and Aidan have known each other for a while. They weren’t exactly childhood friends but had built a casual acquaintance by attending the same academy.

Therefore, Atila knew Aidan’s character.

Aidan was foolish. Oblivious to his surroundings, he would recklessly dash headfirst into something if he wanted to. The epitome of a simpleton.

To put it mildly, one could say he was a good kid at heart, but that didn’t negate the fact that he often acted without thinking things through.

It was because of his personality that he made mistakes, wasn’t it?

But that last time, it seemed excessively reckless, bordering on being suicidal. The memory still left her with a chilling disgust.

Special admission student, Lee Hayul.

Her heart sank when Aidan challenged him to a duel.

‘Damn it.’

She didn’t know much about special admissions. However, she was aware of the circumstances surrounding the much-discussed special admission student.

Hadn’t he awakened only about a month ago? It was an awakening so late that it was unheard of. And to top it off, he was blind and mute.

Why challenge such a person to a duel? Fortunately, thanks to Aidan’s miserable defeat, the incident was glossed over, or else that fool’s life would have become much more problematic.

Even if not much else, he would have surely faced some consequences from Hong Yeon-hwa, who had been coldly observing the situation.

Later, when she grabbed hold of his head asking why he did it, his answer was remarkable.

He was curious. He wanted to see just how special someone had to be to be admitted through special admissions.

A madman. To him, it might have been mere curiosity, but from an external view, it was nothing less than starting a fight… or was it really just a fight?

‘Idiot…’

A guy who challenged a blind person to a fight. And after that, lost so miserably…

That was the nickname Aidan had been going by among the friends he had made at Shio-ram.

Idiot…

Atila shook her head repeatedly. Now that she thought about it, maybe it would have been suicide if he had died back then.

* * *

After finishing magic experiments, it was time to go to sleep.

Sleeping in the dungeon. Of course, it wasn’t advisable to blissfully sprawl out and sleep together.

Even if it was just a 4th-tier, a dungeon was still a dungeon. Complacency is a shortcut to death, a phrase that Professor Atra had emphasized until they were sick of hearing it.

“Let’s draw lots to decide the watch duty fairly.”

Having set up one tent each for the men and women, Atila proposed determining the watch duty roster before everyone settled in to sleep.

There were five wooden sticks in a tin can, reportedly marked with numbers at the end.

…I could see them all. Atila seemed not to fully understand the capabilities of my spatial perception.

Out of decency, I reeled in my spatial perception before drawing. I heard that the first and last duties were the most comfortable?

“Yes! First duty.”

“Damn it.”

The order was set.

Aidan, me, Atila, Elia, Nam Yeon-jung in that sequence.

Aidan, who drew first duty, clenched his fist in delight, while Atila beside him cursed softly upon seeing the stick marked with the number three.

After some time, Aidan, on first duty, took a seat near the heating magic device, while the rest of us headed into the tents for sleep.

I did the same. Although I had to wake up shortly, I still went into the tent to catch a bit of sleep.

And sleep did not come. My mind was ridiculously alert. The improved spatial perception let me sense even the rustling of leaves in the wind.

‘Ah.’

I intuitively knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep.

.
.
.

“Hayul. It’s time for me to switch with you.”

[Yes.]

In the end, I hadn’t fallen asleep by the time Aidan came to switch duties and opened the tent.

I wriggled out of my sleeping bag. Annoying tiredness clung to my body.

“No issues here. Take care.”

[Yes.]

Aidan had been on informal speaking terms with me.

When he apologized, or when he would occasionally talk to me during dungeon navigation, his manner seemed oddly unfitting, so after his apology, I simply told him to talk to me more comfortably.

Since I can’t speak, I didn’t really see the need.

Even if I could speak, I probably wouldn’t drop formalities.

Something I’ve learned is that there’s no one in this world who I should address informally. It’s less hassle and better for my conduct to simply respond with honorifics.

I sat down beside the heating magic device.

The magic device, casting its light in the center, and the foldable chairs beside it, with the green tent set up nearby.

It all felt like the definition of camping.

Staring at flames or something. There’s a culture of idly watching firewood burn, though the object placed in the center here was an egg-shaped magic device, not wood.

A cool night breeze flitted across my skin. Even with my Shio-ram uniform and a robe on top, the chill penetrated through.

‘Urgh…’

Cold. The coldness. It was the thing I hated most in the world. I liked feeling cool but detested being cold.

I shuddered and rummaged through my bag, brought from the tent. I took out another heating magic device identical to the one in the middle.

– Click.

Upon pressing the button, its grey surface warmed up to a soft orange hue. I hugged the heating device, relieved by the warmth that began to spread.

‘Oh…’

Its size was smaller than my torso, making it perfect to embrace, and its egg-like shape made it suitable for hugging. The temperature was also adjustable, ensuring it wasn’t too hot but just right.

I flipped the robe in front to cover my body. The warm heat got trapped inside the robe, warming the air.

As I settled in, my body’s trembling lessened. Pulling the hood attached to the robe over my head was just the finishing touch.

I couldn’t help but let out a sigh of appreciation. It felt like snuggling into a heated floor under a blanket in the middle of winter.

‘Phew…’

I was no longer cold. I rested my chin on the egg-shaped magic device. The drowsy sensation made me exhale deeply.

Sleep didn’t come… but it wasn’t uncomfortable either. Like this, I could bide my time until it was okay to go back inside.

– Blinded by petty jealousy…

“……”

Perhaps because my nerves were relaxed, that memory kept resurfacing. I narrowed my eyes. Jealousy was an emotion I did not wish to remember.

Back in my parents’ house, when I was a child.

The house was my world. My parents were gods who created me, while the thugs who occasionally came to terrorize were external enemies.

Those parents of mine were no parents at all. They were biological parents, capable of reproduction and birthing offspring.

But morally speaking, they were garbage.

I didn’t know that as a child. My world was the home. Everyone around me was the same. Everyone was violent, and they maltreated me. The neighborhood was constantly filled with the sounds of shouting and crying.

So, I believed that was the norm.

I thought my parents were normal, and I was the abnormal one. It was unjust and painful when my parents hit me, but I had no choice but to accept it.

My parents couldn’t control their anger and hit their child, dragged me by the hair, threw beer bottles, and kicked when they were upset.

All of that seemed normal to me.

After a fire took my parents’ lives, I wandered through the slums. Looking back, it’s a wonder I didn’t die back then.

I was wandering when some people found me and took me to an orphanage.

There, I still didn’t understand the standard of normalcy. The other children didn’t have parents like me. Most had been abused by their parents.

They were like me. So, I thought everyone was like me.

Somehow.

I had once been to the city center. I don’t clearly remember why.

There were people. Like me. They had two legs. No burns, and two arms. They had two eyes, unlike my blurred vision.

They were the same as me.

– Hey, going for second round?
– I’m in if we split the bill.
– Don’t you remember chowing down on beef last time?

They were different. There was no exchange of shouts and screams. No sad sobbing could be heard. Swearing was occasionally overheard, but it carried whimsy and friendliness, unlike the negative emotions from parents.

– Daddy! That! That’s what I told you about!
– Yeah, yeah. I got it. But we need to go slow, okay?
– Hurry up!

They were unlike me. An apparent child pulled their parent by the hand. Instead of unleashing a fist in anger, the parent coaxed the child and walked together.

I stood staring blankly at such a street scene for a while. It was snowing that day. Maybe it was Christmas? Or maybe Christmas Eve.

As I stood there with snow piling up on my head, an adult approached and asked if I had lost my way.

After shaking my head no, I remember trudging back to the orphanage.

That was when it started.

Everything felt unsatisfactory. I found fault with all things. It all felt unfair. I always had complaints, but they weren’t as intense as they were then.

Because this was deemed normal. Everyone was unhappy. Everyone was like me. The other kids at the orphanage also lacked parents and were abused. Poor and starving, it was the norm.

But that wasn’t the case. Not everyone was like that. Many people were similar to me, but even more were happier than me.

My parents and the parent being led by the child that day were different.

– What’s different?

Jealousy.

– Why are they different? Why does that kid deserve better?

Envy, resenting others, coveting what they have.

– What did I do wrong?

It was an unfavorable emotion. Envy brought only more misery to me. Why were they happy, and I was not? That child beamed with joy; why was I left in such a state?

It was pitiful. Envy brought nothing. The more I compared myself to others, the more pitiable I felt.

It felt miserable. Unwanted and for no reason other than being unfortunately born, my circumstances were so vastly different that I didn’t want to live. Everything seemed meaningless.

But I was too much of a coward to end up like my burnt parents.

I felt if I continued to harbor jealousy, I might really end up killing myself.

I wasn’t the kind of person who could transform jealousy into a positive drive.

So I didn’t look up. I had no confidence in climbing higher. I didn’t look at people who were better off or happier than me.

I looked down. People who were less fortunate… more precisely, those who were unhappier than me.

Looking closely, there were as many people happier than me as there were those who were unhappier.

Disgustingly, I found solace there. At least I’m not the worst, and I’m relatively happy, I thought with a revolting sense of relief.

‘……’

I was a vile and disgusting person. Every so often, I wondered if there was a reason my parents treated me that way.

Hugging the magic device tightly, my breath was minutely short, but I felt emotionally stable. I hunched quietly and adjusted the robe, just in case someone saw.

The duel with Aidan wasn’t unpleasant. The apology just now wasn’t unpleasant. I never thought it warranted an apology.

But because the apology touched on jealousy, an uncomfortable emotion emerged.

It was as though I had to apologize for the apology I received.

The few hours of guard duty felt unbearably long.

* * *

“Come on! Chug it down! Eh? Aigoo, aigoo? Can’t even do a one-shot with such a small glass? Disappointing~ Your actions are small-hearted compared to your bravado! Heh.”

Heh heh heh heh.

Whatever was so funny, Liana banged on the table. The liquor in the glasses jostled. The scene was the very picture of an incorrigible drunk.

Near the glass filled with alcohol were a plethora of empty bottles stolen of their contents.

The room was filled with an overpowering, nose-tingling scent of alcohol.

“Haah…”

Atra should have just ignored it. She shouldn’t have agreed, even with the thought of just letting herself lose once.

Atra regretted it too late.