From Noble mtl dot com

 

Before choosing and worrying, you had to reflect. On your origin.

 

About the dark shadow that still clings to your ankle.

 

————-

 

The palace where the imperial princes lived, Hwahwagung (槐花宮), was a nice place.

 

It had a spacious building that was good for playing hide and seek, and a garden that was aesthetically decorated by the gardeners. It also had fine food that was provided every day, and servants who would do almost anything they wanted.

 

The only thing that was lacking in Hwahwagung was enough affection.

 

Due to the old emperor’s concern, the palace servants were replaced every week. And if there was any sign of bonding between the imperial princes and the servants, they were promptly dismissed.

 

The imperial princes came to think of the servants as non-existent or golems at best. They did not care about their needs or desires, and they did not express any emotion even if they felt interest or gratitude.

 

They knew well that the maid who picked up the handkerchief they dropped and thanked them for their kindness would not show her face from tomorrow.

 

So the only thing that was missing in Hwahwagung was affection. And the imperial princes filled that gap with each other.

 

“Sister, are you the seeker today?”

 

“Stredo, the butler said you have to call me your highness.”

 

“I don’t like that, it’s too stiff.”

 

They received imperial education, memorized the phrases and meanings of various clans, and melted the gestures and dignity of the upper class into their bodies. But they were still children.

 

Elaine, Irid, and Stredo played happily.

 

As if they were the only ones who existed in this small world.

 

And that sight was always watched by the first prince ▒▒▒ on the recliner.

 

He was dignified from the beginning, and he knew a lot. He did not play with his siblings who ran around holding hands, but he praised them when they came back after having fun.

 

He warned them not to run in dangerous places, or encouraged them with words when they achieved something. In this situation where the imperial princes were distant from all the servants…

 

The first prince ▒▒▒ could be said to be the role of an adult.

 

A emotional support that embraced the children’s mistakes.

 

————-

 

It was a year after the emperor’s summons.

 

Strange things began to happen in Hwahwagung (槐花宮).

 

The third prince Stredo, who was playing in the yard, was injured by a teacup that fell from the second floor balcony. He got a slight burn and a cut wound.

 

The second prince Irid stumbled on his foot, and coincidentally, he almost pierced his eye with the sharp end of the mop handle that was there.

 

The first princess Elaine, you too could not escape from the strange ‘misfortune’. As you crossed the hall on the first floor, the hinge of the chandelier hanging from the ceiling suddenly broke with a scream.

 

If the devoted servant next to you had not pushed you away, you would have died or been seriously injured.

 

You saw the servant die like a crushed tomato, crushed by the chandelier. The ‘misfortune’ started from very trivial things, and now it changed to something that directly threatened your life.

 

You trembled with anxiety. Even if you called the priests and blessed the whole building, or brought the court magician and investigated, nothing was revealed.

 

It was too malicious to be just misfortune.

 

You asked for advice from the most trustworthy among the princes── the first prince ▒▒▒. He always led his siblings in a mature way. And his natural charisma was something else.

 

He had the most brilliant blond hair among anyone. His deep and blue eyes sparkled with mischief. And yet, he had a gentle dignity in everything he did. You thought he was the only one who could be the emperor.

 

That’s why, you trusted him. This time too, you hoped to find an answer from the first prince.

 

On a small table and a large armchair that was bigger than the table. He was reading a book with a cup of tea. You, who were young but polite, instead of crying and clinging to him with fear of the ‘misfortune’, knocked on the door and approached him with a neat step.

 

You opened your small mouth.

 

“Brother, do you know anything about what’s happening in the palace?”

 

“What do you mean by that? The scar on Sredo’s face, and Irid almost getting hurt? Ah, a poor servant also died. I’m glad you’re not hurt, Elaine.”

 

“⋯⋯Yes. I think it’s not a simple ‘misfortune’. The magicians and the priests all say it’s not strange, but I felt it. Someone is trying to harm us. Brother, what do you think?”

 

“That was me.”

 

“⋯⋯⋯⋯What?”

 

You asked again, not understanding.

 

The first prince ▒▒▒ smiled brightly and affirmed.

 

“I did it. There’s no evidence, and you can’t accuse me, but it’s true that I did it. You can believe me!”

 

“⋯⋯Is that a cruel joke, brother?”

 

“Did it sound like that?”

 

It didn’t sound like that. His eyes, which used to be warm and affectionate, looked at you like a chess piece. His gaze was cold and made your blood freeze.

 

You felt a terrible playfulness from his eyes.

 

“⋯⋯If that’s really true. Why?”

 

Why did you do such a thing, and why are you telling me. It was an ambiguous question. He smiled and answered.

 

“This is just⋯⋯ a trivial game. A boredom killer. I’ll give you a month, Elaine. After a month, Sredo will die.”

 

“⋯⋯⋯⋯.”

 

“I have to find a new toy soon. I found something interesting, so⋯⋯ I don’t have much time. If possible, I wanted to play with you a little more!”

 

He ended the conversation like that.

 

You were confused. You wanted to believe it was a joke, but it was too clear to be a joke. And the fact that your brother, who had spent the last ten years with you, was trying to kill you was also hard to believe.

 

Moreover, you couldn’t remember your brother’s name, and if you were asked to list the memories you had with him, you couldn’t think of anything── that made your fear worse.

 

You had to make a choice.

 

The ‘misfortune’ grew stronger every day.

 

Servants were hurt or killed, Sredo developed a phobia of sharp objects, and Irid started to doubt everyone.

 

You, with your eleven-year-old body, cried, trembled, panicked, and realized that you had to act. The first prince had proposed a game to you.

 

To protect Irid and Sredo, and yourself.

 

You cried out. You shouted that this whole ‘misfortune’ was a plot devised by the first prince.

 

But you had no evidence to convince the people, nor the power to make them believe without evidence. You became the person who ‘was already trying to cut down Oravi for the sake of the throne’.

 

You begged. In front of the first prince, you asked him to stop all this.

 

But he seemed to enjoy your reaction as well. Whether you got angry, cried, or laughed, it was all like a fun toy to him.

 

And then, he said this in front of many people.

 

“You’ve had a hard time, Elaine… The difficult times are passing, so I understand that you’re anxious. But you have to distinguish between delusion and reality.”

 

He made you a lunatic with his words.

 

You realized. That thing… the first prince ▒▒▒, whether he was switched in the middle or he was like that from the beginning but hid his nature, you didn’t know. But that thing was not human.

 

Maybe.

 

Did the old emperor know?

 

About the thing that was twisting its tail in the palace, whose identity was unknown.

 

The emperor advised you to survive.

 

Survival.

 

Maybe it was really, the anxiety that this was all not your mental illness. The shaky faith and the burning anger towards the first prince. The nervousness that felt like tearing your stomach. The guilt that increased every time your siblings got hurt, and the pressure of the one-month deadline.

 

You stayed in your room all day and thought. Your blond hair that shone golden in the sun, faded to the point of losing its light. And after repeating your thoughts, you came up with an answer.

 

You decided to ignore all these emotions. To survive.

 

If you only thought about surviving, the answer was clear. You had to eliminate the threat, and then. Killing the first prince was the only way out.

 

You turned your mask upside down and acted as if nothing was wrong, waiting for an opportunity.

 

And, with desperation, along with a long premeditated plan, you poured poison into the first prince’s teacup.

 

The scene of that day was engraved in your brain like a brand. The first prince who drank the tea and vomited black blood. He smiled peacefully and winked, then slammed his head on the table and died.

 

Everyone in the palace knew. Who killed the first prince. Who had the ambition to seize power from a young age, and killed the most likely successor.

 

As you felt relieved that everything was over, they looked at you with moist and sharp eyes, asking why you killed the first prince who was so kind. The servants avoided you or feared you.

 

“I did, work hard… To survive, to protect everyone.”

 

You comforted yourself, saying that it was all right now. To Irid and Sredo, as before, before the ‘misfortune’ covered the palace, let’s play happily together, running barefoot in the yard – you tried to say that.

 

“I did, protect everyone…”

 

But what came back was only the fearful eyes of your siblings.

 

You heard a sound of cracking in your heart. Maybe from your chest. You were exhausted by all those eyes, and just… decided to be like that. As you were originally.

 

After that, Irid doubted you. In his eyes, you were no longer the kind sister you used to be.

 

Sredo stopped talking to you. He seemed to not consider you as family, who had harmed his family.

 

You also, doubted yourself.

 

In the mirror, the gaze of the old emperor lurked behind you.

 

Even now, the gazes of others stung. At the sound of someone’s laughter, the anxiety that the prank was about to start again.

 

The first prince, who had done such a vicious thing, would not die with just a cup of poisoned tea. There was a strange conviction that he wouldn’t.

 

That’s why I was only thinking about survival. Even today, even tomorrow.

 

Amassing power, defeating potential enemies, accomplishing great things, and training your body. It wasn’t because I had a dream⋯⋯ It was just a struggle for survival.

 

No, I had to take care of that. I had to take care of that one short word, survival. Because I had lost all my beautiful childhood memories, the love of my only family, Irid and Sredo, and barely survived.

 

That was all you had left in your hands.

 

You were alive, but not alive.

 

The only survival mission I had embarked upon only became heavier as time went on. But I held on to it because if I let go of this, there would be nothing left.

 

The wandering wasn’t over. Direction was meaningless. Even if you act generously, there is no substance, even if you reflect, there is no improvement, and even if you shout sadly, the echo does not return.

 

I couldn’t find any hope that things would get better. That’s why, even now.

 

You were wandering in search of ‘paradise.’

 

To end all this running away.

 

————-

 

Distance left to ‘Paradise’.

 

Approximately 30 cm.