Chapter : 3.1

Chapter 3. Derek Won’t Stop

The Countess of Emilton greeted Audrey with her usual delighted face.

‘Oh, Audrey?’

‘Countess Emilton, where is the count?’

‘He’ll be out in a moment; you don’t even bother to say hello. What brings you here this morning, by the way?’

‘Oh, I have something for the boys.’

‘Oh, that’s good, that’s good. Why don’t you go upstairs?’

‘Yes!’

Audrey climbed the stairs effortlessly. She didn’t need any guidance, as she’d been coming and going since she was a little girl.

As she rounded the corner of the staircase, she heard a familiar voice from below. It was the Earl of Emilton, the head of the Knights of the Duchy.

‘May, will you not come with me for a morning walk?’

‘Oh, my God, that’s too much.’

‘What……?’

‘How can you carry the cravat all by yourself, I’m beginning to feel a bit sorry for myself!’

‘……that, since you’re sleeping so soundly.’

‘Even so.’

‘Cheer up, my love. You’ve got a new one.’

‘Of course I am; come here, Willie.’

Behind him, he could hear the loving conversation of the Earl and Countess of Emilton.

‘Still as good as ever.

How could a man with two grown sons be so sweet on a weekend morning? It’s easy to see where Claude’s sweetness comes from. Except for Hans, who was like a mutant.

Anyway, today I thought I’d give one to each of the two Earls of Emilton’s men to celebrate the launch of the network. It was an investor perk.

Audrey reached the familiar door and flung it open without knocking.

‘Where’s Claude?’

‘Hey, hey, hey, you crazy bitch!’

Hans, who had just finished dressing, turned round in a panic, grabbing his robe and fumbling to cover his nakedness, but looking as bewitching as he felt.

‘Where is your brother Claude?’

‘Hey!’

But Audrey was not at all interested in her friend’s dense form.

‘Why aren’t you answering?”?’

‘Are you crazy? Close it quickly!”

‘Whoever did this is mean!’

─Bang!

The thudding footsteps receded into the distance.

‘…….’

How could she do that?

Hans, who was standing there with a dumbfounded look on his face, quickly checked his condition.

‘Okay. That was pretty much perfect.

The pose was cool for a momentary intoxication, and the abs showing through his trusty biceps were sexy as hell.

But what’s the point? She’s not even looking, and the way she doesn’t mind ogling other people’s half-naked bodies is getting old.

‘…… That’s it, that’s it.’

For some reason, my body, which had seemed so firm just a moment ago, felt as shabby as a raw chicken.

‘Claude, where are you?’

‘Hah…….’

A squeaky voice echoed down the corridor. It wasn’t a man, it was a runaway locomotive that didn’t know how to reverse.

Audrey often seemed to forget that Hans was a man. No matter how long she’d known him, he was not of the opposite sex, and it still made him feel uncomfortable to be treated so casually. You feel like tugging at your trousers to make sure everything is where it should be. I’d never do that, but…… I wondered if he’d changed his gender.

‘Doesn’t she think I’m the same sex?’

I had to check periodically to make sure that what was supposed to be attached hadn’t fallen off somewhere.

＊ ＊ ＊ ＊

‘A telegraph?’

‘Yes. we’ve made it so you can communicate face-to-face from a distance.’

‘Can we make something like this in Locke? Anyway, thanks. I’ll put it to good use.’

‘Hehe.’

Soon, the three of them were huddled together in Claude’s study.

Claude seemed to like the gift. It made me proud to see him fiddling with it.

Hans, meanwhile, looked from one to the other with narrowed eyes.

‘What the hell, is that why you got kicked, or what?

His acorns were of a different color. After all the crying and drinking, shouldn’t it have been time to give up? Why he was chasing after her even more aggressively than before was beyond the comprehension of any normal person.

At least he looked relaxed. He’d been hounded by the Duke of Frit these past few days.

‘Oh, right! I learned something interesting the other day.’

‘Interesting? What is it?’

‘Apparently, in the Old Continent, there’s something called palmistry, and you can tell your fate by the shape of your incontinence.’

‘Palmistry? Wow, that’s very interesting.’

Hans’s eyes narrowed. What was he up to this time? He could already smell something fishy.

‘Would you like me to look at your palm, too?’

‘I’d love that. I’m looking forward to it.’

‘Then give me your hand!’

‘……!’

Me, me, clever girl!

Hans couldn’t sit still and wiggled his arse like a puppy that had to go poo. Audrey casually grabbed Claude’s hand, pretending to look at his palm.

‘That, that’s a very black heart!’

They sat close together, head to head, looking into each other’s palms.

‘It’s a lifeline,’ she said, ‘it tells you how long the person will live.’

‘Really? Is this good enough?’

‘Yes!’

Her tiny fingers traced the incontinence, sweeping across his palm. Am I mistaken if I think I see a hint of blackness in those sinister fingertips?

‘This is…… emotion line. If it runs uninterrupted and upwards, it’s a pure wave that only one person sees.’

‘…….’

‘I hope it’s my brother’s wife-to-be.’

Claude laughed wordlessly.

Audrey studied his palm with a serious face, then tickled it playfully.

‘Oh, it tickles.’

‘What if I do this?’

‘Oh, Audrey!’

The big hand began to dart away. The diminutive hand chased after it, dwarfing it. The two laughed like frogs as they played childish games.

‘Stop, stop, stop! Surrender!’

‘It tickles, doesn’t it, huh?’

‘Please, pooh-pooh, Audrey!’

What the hell?

Claude’s hands swiftly snatched both of Audrey’s hands away from her, ending the play.

‘Ha! They’re not even three years old!

Hans, who had been watching the whole thing from the sidelines, was cracking up.

How many times do they have to hold hands for such a childish prank?

‘Hey, what about me?’

‘What?’

‘How much do I live?’

‘…….’

The palm of her hand slapped back. Audrey glanced at Hans’s palm, her excitement gone.

‘Yeah, well, he’ll live a long time.’

‘That’s it? Look at it with a straight face.’

‘Wow, I’ll live until I shit on the wall! Congratulations, okay?’

‘Oh, my God, you’re gross!’

‘Go away, gross! Go away! Go away!’

Claude smirked at the two amiable men. He picked up his communicator and stood up.

‘Hmm, where do we put it?

Even as his two siblings screamed for help, his mind was preoccupied with the communicator.

‘Oh, that would be good.

After much deliberation, he settled on a desk littered with blank stationery.

When he turned his head again, the study was in shambles.

＊ ＊ ＊ ＊

‘Your Excellency. Where on earth have you been all night-, hehe!’

‘…….’

Duke Frit looked at his aide in the mirror. There were bags under his eyes like demons crawling out of hell, but what gave him the creeps was the grotesque twitching of the corners of his mouth.

‘Go, Your Excellency, the corner of your mouth is twitching, Guanwasaga, no, twitching!’

‘…….’

The disappointed corner of his mouth quickly returned to its original position. His face showed an unconcealed scowl.

‘……Is that so strange?’

‘Ugh, surprise! What?’

‘…….’

Derek held up the book with a dark frown.

He had just finished following the instructions on how to get someone to like you. But something was wrong. Nothing in the book was right. I’d waited all night and his dodo hadn’t turned a hair on his head, and his supposedly flattering expression had me worried.

The author must have won the prize.

‘……is a lie.’

Duke Frit flicked through the book with eyes that could kill, and when he came to the author’s bio, he threw the book away with a harsh word.

‘Hmph!’

‘Burn this book, now!’

‘Yes? But isn’t this your favorite book?’

‘…….’

The aide picked up the book, wondering why his master was so upset.

It contained a brief biography of the late author.

Mertel Sullen

: 82 years old. Buried in holy ground after a lifetime of chastity. His books are still an inspiration to many Mothersolos.

‘Huh?’

A lifetime of chastity? Buried in holy ground? Such a man wrote a love book?

‘Aha, that’s why you’re so angry!

Derek shot a furious glance at the book.

The book he’d been living with for over two weeks, Wolf, Get Out of the Way: How to Seduce a Woman with More Charm than a Wolf, was written by a man who looked nothing like him!

‘……Yes, it’s all because of this book.’

He finally found the culprit: this crappy book was the reason his love life had gone away. He had been deceived by this man’s trickery.

‘At once, find this man’s grave.’

‘Your Excellency, calm down. No matter how angry you are, a dead humiliation-’

‘And buy this book, all of it. This is a book that does not deserve to exist.’

Duke Frit glared at Satan’s book and vowed to himself. Somehow, some way, I’m going to get them all, and then I’m going to burn them alive in front of the grave of that virgin, Mother Solo. He’s going to pay for the sabotage of his love, even in his grave.

＊ ＊ ＊ ＊

While Claude was away, the two remaining men sat apart and read.

Hans glanced at the book, then at his friend, and spoke softly.

‘……Do you like my brother that much?’

‘How dare you ask such an obvious question, you’ve been making me feel bad since lunch on the weekend.’

‘Why on earth would you like him?’

Audrey slammed the book she was holding shut. She looked at her friend, her eyes filled with pity.

‘What do you mean, Claude is sweet, he’s handsome…… No, but what do you care? It’s ridiculous.’

‘…….’

Hans leaned back on the couch. He looked pretty pissed off as he wordlessly slapped the floor.

Audrey was stunned: what kind of person has the temerity to lose his temper when he’s the one who starts the argument?

‘You’re just a big brother, isn’t that all?’

‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘You walk around the mansion shirtless in the summer?’

‘Are you really…….’

‘I don’t do any of that. It’s pretty barbaric, don’t you think? You wouldn’t put up with that, would you?’

Audrey’s brow narrowed, and the look on her face made Hans feel unnecessarily excited.

‘You mean you’ve been keeping all that good stuff to yourself?’

……Huh?

‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner!’

Her huffing breath sounded genuinely angry. Audrey stomped menacingly toward him, thumping like a bear cub. There was no hiding the anger in her step, and she looked ready to punch him if she had to.

‘If I had known, I would have moved into your house last summer, and I would have lived there all summer!’

‘You don’t know …… what you don’t know, you know he’s a big drinker, and when he gets drunk, he just sleeps naked. It’s like he’s just a raw chicken, and it’s ugly to see a grown man do that-’

‘Sue, you’ve been drinking!’

Audrey’s nostrils flared rapidly. Her face flushed bright red, and one wondered what on earth she was imagining.

But when she didn’t respond, Hans felt a twinge of misgiving. For some reason, it’s almost infuriating to watch him deny his blind emotions.

‘Hey, listen. There are only two men left in the world, me and Claude.’

‘Claude.’

‘Oh, come on! What’s the point of listening and choosing? I’m just a quick-tempered person…….’

‘It doesn’t change anything. Claude.’

‘…….’

A naughty girl. What a naughty girl.

‘Enough, enough.’

What the hell is he saying? Hans was no slouch either, even if he wasn’t as good as his brother, but he was one of the few acorns in the world that could be considered a footnote.

‘Look how popular I am.

Well, well. Who says no one likes anything? Her footsteps stomped in frustration. Whether he did or not, he knew Audrey wouldn’t care.

＊ ＊ ＊ ＊