The kiss was cruel.

In the air filled with the scent of alcohol and Theodora's fragrance, Maxim felt it keenly. Between the soft, touching lips, between the entwined tongues, their heated breaths rose and dissipated.

"Maxi..."

Theodora's eyes were clouded with a hazy light. Maxim recognized that pained expression all too well. It was a look of deep sorrow, a heartbreaking gaze. Three years ago, when he told her they had to part, she had that same misty-eyed look.

Memories flashed through Maxim's mind.

Three years ago, memories of the academy, the dungeon below, the thick fog, and even the mocking expressions of Count Bening and Baron Borden as they looked at his wounds. These men, who had gnawed at his roots, rotted his trunk, and now wished to see his leaves wither. They were desperate to use Theodora to grasp power.

And there was snow. Snow fell on the academy's training grounds as he informed her of their inexplicable breakup.

And then the vow he made as he cut down those monsters. The vow he made with the resolve of someone leaping into the fire, carrying all the defilement himself. He vowed to accept the punishment Theodora would give him. He would never seek forgiveness.

Maxim looked down at Theodora. He saw her clouded eyes and the lips that glistened with saliva.

"Kiss me... more."

That's why he would push her away. He would push her away, make her hate him, direct her anger toward him. Right now, he would choose to be hated by her.

So, this must stop.

Maxim grabbed Theodora's shoulders and pushed her away. Confusion flickered in her cloudy eyes.

"Why..."

"We can't do this, Theodora."

The confusion in her eyes crystallized into various emotions. Doubt, resentment, sadness. And as those emotions solidified, like clouds releasing rain, tears began to fall.

"...Maxi, why can't it be me?"

Her voice, slurred with intoxication, wavered. Her face was flushed, her words tangled and faltering. Yet her eyes were fixed on Maxim. She was genuinely asking him.

"Why did you lend your shoulder to the Deputy Commander back there?"

Theodora asked, and the first tear traced down her cheek. Maxim watched the tear flow. Three years ago, she had cried just like this. It was on a winter day at the training ground, when the wind wasn't strong, and snow was falling.

A curse? A wound? Nothing had hurt Maxim as much as her tears back then. But he had to endure that pain again. He couldn't wipe away the falling teardrops this time.

"Why... why did you accept her affection back there? Why can't it be me..."

Theodora's words were becoming more incoherent. What began as simple questions of jealousy were turning into accusations against Maxim.

"You said you were engaged, that’s why we broke up."

"Theodora."

She shook her head as if she didn't want to hear any more. Her platinum hair, catching the faint moonlight and the lantern's brass glow, swayed like a curtain.

"Why... why am I the only one being rejected like this..."

Ah, Theodora.

Maxim bit his lip as the emotions surged within him. He suppressed the urge with the taste of blood. The desire to hold her, the woman he had loved so dearly, to kiss her lips again, to whisper that he loved her—it was all repressed.

Blood trickled from his bitten lip, filling his mouth with the taste of iron. Theodora's arms were still wrapped around the back of his neck. Maxim grabbed her wrists to pry her hands away. They were still slender and beautiful wrists.

"Don't do this..."

Theodora cried. Maxim finally managed to release her arms from around his neck. Emotions continued to swirl in Theodora's eyes, questioning him endlessly.

Theodora, hate me.

Maxim held her wrists in silence. Theodora, caught in indecision, met his gaze. Unable to bear it any longer, she leaned her head against his chest.

"Maxi... why..."

Her falling tears turned into sobs, and she began to weep. Maxim looked down at Theodora as she cried endlessly in his arms. Her shoulders trembled. Maxim pushed her away further. Theodora, like a limp piece of paper, followed the force of his hands.

"We’re both drunk, okay? You and I are both drunk. We can pretend this never happened."

Theodora's plea was desperate. Her longing for Maxim and other mixed emotions had become a dam about to burst.

"Why do you have to push me away like this...?"

Indeed, his mind was in disarray. No one would blame him if he simply returned her kiss. But Maxim was not in a position to use alcohol as an excuse. He steadied Theodora, who had lowered her arms, and spoke in a firm voice.

He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to console her. But Maxim had to control his emotions.

"Theodora, you know why."

Theodora's eyes widened at his words, disbelief etched on her face. Her crying grew more distorted. The single tear that had fallen now became two streams.

"Know what...? What do I know...!"

Thud.

Theodora finally pushed Maxim away. He staggered back, separating from her.

"I don't know anything...!"

Theodora's voice was filled with intense emotion.

"You can't just tell me that I know... when I don't."

Her voice, choked with sobs, interrupted her words. Maxim bit down harder. Each of Theodora's words was like a needle piercing his heart because they were all true.

"Who was it that suddenly decided to break up with me, without any explanation...?"

Thud.

Theodora's fist weakly struck Maxim's chest.

"You said you were engaged... engaged to some distant relative of mine..."

Thud.

"And you thought I'd be okay with that? Of course not. But I accepted it anyway... I didn't argue with your decision."

Thud.

"I even cried and begged you not to go."

Thud.

Once more, Theodora's fist struck Maxim's chest. His body was starting to shake slightly.

"How could you say such a thing...?"

Thud. Thud.

Maxim couldn't say anything. Theodora continued to strike him with her fists. They were weak, powerless blows, but they hurt more than any other punch he had ever taken.

"Theodora, please... sit down."

Maxim reached out to guide her to sit, but she violently swatted his hand away.

"Don't touch me."

A sobbing sound escaped from Theodora. Maxim looked down at his hand, now stinging from where she had hit it, and clenched his teeth.

It's all going according to plan. My perfect, self-righteous plan.

Maxim clenched his fist and looked down at it.

"...You're the worst."

Theodora's head drooped as she cried. She tried to wipe away the tears with the back of her hand, but the alcohol made it impossible for her to control her emotions. Eventually, she collapsed onto the floor. Maxim stood frozen, unable to do anything.

Theodora, still weeping, muttered quietly as she let her hand fall to the ground.

"...Get out."

Her hand trembled as she clenched it into a fist.

"Just leave. Stop making this worse and go..."

Theodora, who had slumped to the floor, managed to stand up again. Her beautiful face was stained with tears. Her hair was disheveled, and her expression was completely twisted. Only resentment remained on her face—not hatred or disgust, just pure resentment, which weighed heavily on Maxim.

"Get out...!"

Theodora sobbed, her voice breaking. Maxim, finally breaking free from his paralysis, turned around slowly. He walked away from her, each step heavy with regret. He grasped the door handle, his hand trembling. He knew that if he stayed any longer, he would break down and cry. So he opened the door.

"You really... are a terrible person."

The words reached his back as he stood in the doorway. Theodora's voice was still choked with tears.

"You might be good to the Deputy Commander or your fiancée, but to me, you’re a terrible person."

Before he could witness any more of her tears or hear her tear-stained voice, Maxim closed the door behind him. But even as the door shut, he heard her voice one last time.

"You’re the worst bastard in the world."

Ah,

In the hallway outside Theodora's closed door, bathed in the faint moonlight streaming through the window, Maxim collapsed to the floor. All the emotions he had been holding back, all the things he wanted to say, surged up along with the alcohol. Maxim let out a long sigh.

Tears fell. She wasn’t wrong. Maxim was indeed a wretched bastard to Theodora.

"I'm sorry."

The apology he hadn't been able to give her slipped from his lips.

"I'm sorry, Theodora. I'm so sorry."

Maxim buried his face in his hands. His head was spinning, his thoughts a blur. Old wounds that should have been numb ached anew.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

He kept repeating the words, but the more he said them, the more his guilt toward Theodora and his self-loathing grew. Maxim cried, shedding tears of remorse that Theodora would never see.

"I'm sorry..."

Please, hate me more. If you must punish me, I’ll accept it all.

Maxim clenched his fists until his nails dug into his palms, drawing blood.

== It was the alcohol.

She had no clarity of mind. The only thing she could grasp was that, like three years ago, she had wrapped her arms around Maxim's neck and kissed him. She wanted to forget everything. Maxim's wrongs, the Deputy Commander sitting next to him, and her own hatred for him.

She wanted to forget everything and lose herself in her longing, just for a moment, to see the man she had once loved with all her heart.

"You bastard..."

Theodora muttered again to herself.

Her head was spinning from the alcohol, and it hurt. She couldn't control her emotions, and tears streamed down her face.

She resented Maxim. She resented him, but she couldn't let him go. She couldn't just pretend nothing had happened and keep her mouth shut.

Theodora had been a girl who knew nothing of love. It was Maxim who had illuminated the world she had been ignorant of.

"You bastard."

Maxim had taught her joy and also taught her pain.

It would have been better if she had never known anything from the start. If she had never known that joy, she would never have known the pain of losing it.

Theodora staggered to her feet and walked over to the bed, where she sat down. Even the bed felt cold.

"Maxim..."

Once more, Theodora whispered his name. Just uttering his name felt overwhelming. The tears she had barely held back began to flow again. She knew this was the last time, that there would be no more chances. She knew that embracing him once more, kissing him, would be the last time.

They were too far apart now.

The time they had spent together was overshadowed by the time they had spent apart.

Even when they broke up, Theodora couldn’t understand. There was so much she didn’t know. When she asked her stern father about it, he only answered coldly, mocking Maxim. He said that they were not a good match and that it was better that he left with a fiancée.

After denying it and denying it again, Theodora went to the cold mountains of Kips. She went there to forget the warmth of Maxim, who had given her warmth even though she hated the cold, and to forget the snowflakes she had once seen with Maxim.

Theodora lay down on the bed, as if burying herself in it. The brass light from the lantern flickered.

They had crossed paths and missed each other once again. Theodora slowly closed her eyes.

The last remaining tear slipped from her eye, trailing down her cheek.