If you Don’t Love Me, I Will Die
Chapter 41 Table of contents

“Viscount, a guest has arrived.”

After returning to the mansion from the negotiations for raw materials in the Northern Kingdom and while taking off my coat, I slowly turned my head at the secretary’s words.

“A guest?”

It was already late.

Outside the window, the orange sun was setting behind the mountain peaks, and long shadows were stretching across the mansion, disrupting the light.

Soon, the sun would set, and night would fall.

Who could be visiting at this hour?

Since there were no scheduled appointments, it was for personal reasons…

Was there someone I was close to?

Unable to grasp the situation, no matter how much I thought about it, I leaned against the window and asked.

“At this hour?”
“Yes.”
“Is it someone scheduled to visit?”
“Not exactly. He insisted on meeting the Viscount, so I let him in for now.”
“Who is it?”
“That…”

Lorendel couldn’t speak properly and glanced around before slowly opening her mouth.

“It’s Ricktman.”

It was a name I hadn’t heard in a long time.

Two years ago, for some reason, he also left the Brontë family.

Rumors had it that he was expelled from the family due to some incident.

If he had left on his own, the news wouldn’t have reached me as well.

Since then, I hadn’t heard anything about Ricktman.

Exhausted from participating in the parade and traveling to the Northern Kingdom, I intended to dismiss the uncalled-for visitor without an appointment, but curiosity got the better of me.

“Let him in.”
“I will do so.”

He was once part of the Brontë family, but I held no ill feelings towards him.

Not only because he was no longer a member of the Brontë family but also because I had learned quite a bit from him.

However, as I sat at the table reading through the documents for review, memories from the past flooded back.
The nine months spent in the mansion with Ania.
The memories suddenly surfaced, causing a throbbing sensation in my head.

I hastily grabbed a vial and poured its contents into my mouth.
And then I regretted it.

What was I expecting by letting Ricktman in?
Meeting him and asking about the past wouldn’t change anything.

My relationship with Ania Brontë would never be restored, and I never had such intentions.

As I picked up the cold mug and took a sip of coffee, a polite knock came at the door.

“I’ll let him in.”

I swallowed hard at Lorendel’s voice. My headache was worsening, making my stomach churn.

“Come in.”

But my curiosity grew stronger.

I wondered why Ricktman, who had concealed his whereabouts, had come to see me after two years.

The door opened slowly. Lorendel appeared first, followed by a well-dressed gentleman.

“Ricktman…”

Despite his elderly age, Ricktman, whom I had seen after a long time, hadn’t changed much.
His sharp eyes were tired, his neatly kept white hair was long and flowing, and his beard was scruffy.

“It’s been a while, My Lord… No, Viscount.”
“…Indeed, it has.”

Nevertheless, Ricktman, whom I hadn’t seen in a long time, hadn’t changed.
He was still a knight.
He had no sword or armor, but his straight posture spoke volumes.

“I’ve been wanting to see you.”
“……. ”

I felt the same way, but I didn’t express it verbally.

“Please, have a seat.”

Instead, I pulled out a chair for him, showing my courtesy.
Ricktman looked surprised, hesitated momentarily, then finally took his seat after I had sat down.

Silence ensued for a while. Despite having many tasks to attend to, the time didn’t feel wasted.

It was Ricktman who broke the silence.

“First of all, I apologize for coming without an appointment.”
“No need to apologize, Ricktman.”
“Thank you.”
“No need to thank me either. I’m actually grateful that I can see you again.”
“Viscount…”

Ricktman’s eyelids fluttered with emotion.

“I’m relieved to see you looking healthy.”
“On the other hand, Ricktman, you don’t seem very well. I’d like to hear what happened.”
“Yes, I’ll explain.”

Ricktman’s eyes grew distant. Eventually, he began to speak calmly.

It was about two years ago.

According to Ricktman, after Edward himself returned to the family, someone took Ania back to the family.

“It wasn’t her will.”

Although the Brontë family claimed that Ania returned of her own will, Ricktman believed otherwise.

So Ricktman asked about Ania’s whereabouts, but soon after, he was expelled from the family.

“So I wandered around the empire.”
“What a mess of a family.”

As I expressed my disbelief, Ricktman lowered his head in agreement.

It was a futile hope.
Expectations always lead to disappointment, yet I still hoped again and again.

Perhaps the real fool was not Ricktman but me.

I slowly moved towards the window.

The sky outside was a deep blue, with no stars visible due to the fierce weather.
Thick clouds rushed by.
Soon, raindrops poured down, like waves crashing, filling the study.

***

Ania, leaning against the bed while reading, closed her book abruptly as the rain intensified.
She approached the window where dark clouds loomed, pouring down torrential rain.

Ania fetched a small chair and sat by the window, gazing at the pouring rain.

‘Is that why you deliberately sought me out with such a cliché excuse?’

Edward’s words from the previous day echoed in her mind.
His cold and sharp tone made Ania ponder the underlying meaning.

Although she felt Edward was pushing her away, he would have ignored her if he truly intended to.
Edward had always been one to ignore anything he didn’t like since childhood.

“I won’t make excuses.”
“What?”

I won’t make excuses.
I’ll accept my mistakes and apologize to you.

But would he understand?

Ania didn’t think he would.
He was still so oblivious she didn’t even consider that he might understand her intentions.

Ania tried to glimpse Edward’s heart.
Was there any lingering affection towards her?
Or had all remaining affection crumbled beyond repair, leaving them irreversibly broken?

Ania’s conclusion was the former.
Edward still harbored… lingering feelings for her.

“Resentful love.”

Ania knew of this contradictory emotion well.

Towards her absent mother who left her behind as a child,
Towards her father who demanded noble conduct yet fulfilled any request,
Towards her brother who abandoned her and left this world…

She had felt this emotion many times.

However, resentful love was powerful.
Perhaps even stronger than love itself.

While love may burn and fade,
Resentful love, once ignited, could easily reignite with the slightest trigger.

Ania smiled softly.
Edward still loved her, yet also harbored resentment.

“I’ll make you love me.”

If Edward hadn’t slipped through her fingers, Ania could reclaim him.
She had the power and determination to do so; hence, she didn’t give up.

For him, she had thwarted countless marriages.
Stabbed people with a knife,
Fed poison.

Even though people called her a vile villainess…

“I’ll never let go.”

The candle placed by the bedside flickered in the wind,
Its precarious flame reflected in Ania’s eyes.

Ania picked up a letter placed beneath the candlelight.

[Southeastern Academy, Aria Radner’s Congratulations Gathering]

A smile crept onto Ania’s lips as she read the letter.

“If you want to push me away, go ahead and try.”

After closing the window, Ania slowly nestled into the blankets.

“I’ll make sure you’ll never leave me again.”

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