The first page of the notebook was filled with writing practice.
It had been written with a ballpoint pen, probably picked up from somewhere.
Awkwardly scribbled, meaningless sentences.

Han Si-hoo
Yoo Seo-ah

The corner of the notebook had names written in it.
There were also some doodles that were impossible to decipher.

As Han Si-hoo turned the pages, he began to see sentences with more meaning.

It rained today.
It rained yesterday.
It rained the day before.

"A diary..."

Han Si-hoo had seen Yoo Seo-ah occasionally writing something in the notebook.
She never wrote anything lengthy.
There was never a surplus of pens or paper.
She had never let him see the contents, so he couldn't confirm what she wrote.

We played hide-and-seek today.
It was fun.

A sketch, assumed to be of Han Si-hoo and Yoo Seo-ah, was drawn in the corner.
He flipped another page.

I like Si-hoo.
I'm happy because of Si-hoo.

The words were written in a shaky handwriting.
Han Si-hoo hesitated to turn the page.

Would Seo-ah say the same thing now?
Does she still think fondly of him?
Is she still happy because of him?

...Probably not.

Would Han Si-hoo even be part of what makes Yoo Seo-ah happy now?
Even without him, she would be happy if she had her drugs.
Perhaps that’s why she attacked him.

Feeling heavy-hearted, he turned another page.

Strange doodles filled three pages.
Sentences about the weather stretched on for a long time.

He kept flipping through the pages.

He hoped there might be something useful.
If Yoo Seo-ah had been using the notebook recently, maybe he could learn something.

When did she start using drugs?
How did their home end up like this?
Han Si-hoo wanted to know.

With each page he turned, her handwriting became neater.
There were also long periods where it seemed she hadn't written anything at all.

The diary was stuck in the drawer.

It seemed like she had lost and then found it again.
If she had been writing in it since she was young, it made sense that she would run out of space.
He turned more pages.

I wish I could be as strong as Si-hoo.

The words expressed a sense of lamentation.
Yoo Seo-ah had always watched Han Si-hoo train alone.
It wasn’t easy for her to keep up, even when she tried.

Si-hoo will protect me, so it’s okay.

That was true.

"......"

But Han Si-hoo hadn’t been able to protect Yoo Seo-ah.
So it wasn’t okay at all.
His hands started trembling slightly.

He turned the page.

I bought cold medicine.

Finally, something related to medicine.

I need to get better quickly.
I had saved that money to buy a present for Si-hoo.

He remembered Yoo Seo-ah once bought a snack worth 1500 won and gave it to him as a gift.
She had said she wished she could have given him something better.
Was this diary entry from around that time?
He wasn’t sure.

I didn’t cough at all today.
It’s thanks to the new medicine.
The new doctor seems nice too.

There was a mention of the doctor.
A new doctor, apparently.
The details weren’t clear, but it seemed certain that she had gotten the medicine from the doctor.

I almost got caught with the syringe by Si-hoo.
I forgot to clean up.

His head started feeling fuzzy.
A syringe?
When had she written that?
He hadn’t noticed at all.
It had been going on since before he entered the Academy.

Something felt wrong.
The doctor had been involved before he even left for the Academy.
He couldn’t figure out why.

Tomorrow, Si-hoo goes to the Academy.

I wish I could go too.

The two sentences were written with a small gap between them.

When it became known that Han Si-hoo was an Awakened, the Academy and the government enrolled him immediately.
There wasn’t even an option to refuse.

There were benefits to going.
He met many people.
Most importantly, he made a lot of money.
Money that he could give to Yoo Seo-ah.
And all of it went toward her medicine.

I wish I could go to school with Si-hoo.
I wish I were an Awakened.
I’m bored.

Various wishes were listed.

I want to play with Si-hoo.

This was written in small letters.
He turned the page.

Now that Si-hoo is gone, I have to do well on my own.
Why did they take Si-hoo?
I’m alone.
I shouldn’t cry.

Yoo Seo-ah’s loneliness was evident in her writing.
An entire page was filled with her expressing how much she missed Han Si-hoo.

Taking the medicine makes me feel okay.
The doctor said I could take a little more.

There were entries about gradually increasing the dosage.

I stayed home today.
I decided to stay home again today.

Yoo Seo-ah hadn’t liked staying inside.
The Yoo Seo-ah in Han Si-hoo’s memories was always active and loved to play outside.

But without Han Si-hoo, there was no one to play with.
No friends, either.

On the margins of the page, her wishes were written.

The sky is clear.
I want to watch the stars with Si-hoo.

Watching the stars...

Si-hoo, do you want to go watch the stars tonight?

In the past, at home.
Yoo Seo-ah had asked that one day.
It had been about a week since Han Si-hoo entered the Academy.
He had visited Yoo Seo-ah briefly when she shyly asked him to stay with her.

No?
Oh, you probably have plans tonight. With a friend...
It’s fine, forget I said anything.

Han Si-hoo had refused her.
He really did have plans.

He never thought that the always-smiling Yoo Seo-ah could feel loneliness.
Though she seemed disappointed, he had thought he would take her out another time.

"Ah."

Thinking about the past made him feel like he was going to die.
That was the last time Yoo Seo-ah had asked him to stay.
After that, she started distancing herself from him.

He turned another page.

I got money from Si-hoo for the medicine.
I bought a month’s worth.

Of course, she had never mentioned it was for medicine.
But Yoo Seo-ah had used all of Han Si-hoo’s money for it.

But the price of the medicine went up again.
I shouldn’t be a burden.
Si-hoo might worry.
I can’t let that happen.

With trembling hands, Han Si-hoo turned the page.

Yoo Seo-ah had been worried about him.
She hadn’t wanted to be a burden.
She had known she was becoming dependent on the drugs.

That’s why she had pushed him away.

Si-hoo waited outside the door, but I told him not to come back. I think I was too harsh.

The writing looked shaky.

I’ll apologize later.
Once I no longer need the medicine, I’ll go find him.
I don’t want him to see me like this.
He’ll forgive me.

The handwriting fluctuated between thick and thin.
In some places, she had pressed the pen so hard that the paper had torn.

Once she didn’t need the medicine anymore.
Yoo Seo-ah had intended to find Han Si-hoo again only after she no longer needed his help.

But in the end, she had come back.
She had come back to ask for money for the drugs.
It seemed like she no longer cared about looking desperate.
She had failed to quit the drugs.

Sorry.
I shouldn’t be living like this.

She was apologizing to someone.
The rest of the sentences on the page were crossed out repeatedly with a pen, making them unreadable.

I’ll manage somehow.

Several pages had been ripped out.

Even if I’m gone, Si-hoo will be fine.
Or not?
I hope not.
Will he be fine?

The same sentence was repeated over and over.

It would be good if he’s fine.
Sorry.

Apologies filled the page.

The medicine is weird.
Si-hoo isn’t coming.

Lines had been scratched across the sentences.
Yoo Seo-ah knew better than anyone that Han Si-hoo wasn’t coming to help her.
But she had no one else to turn to.
She had no friends.

Of course, he isn’t coming.
Will he accept my apology later?
I was too harsh.

The pen marks were erratic.
From here, the notebook’s lines no longer mattered.
The sentences were scrawled haphazardly across the page.

I threw away all the medicine.
I can handle the pain.

"...What?"

Yoo Seo-ah had thrown the medicine away?
Thrown it away?

It won’t hurt much.
Once I’m better, I can go to Si-hoo, right?

There were signs that Yoo Seo-ah had resolved to stop taking the medicine.
It seemed like she desperately wanted to meet Han Si-hoo again.

And then, blank space.
Blank pages stretched on for a long time.
Near the back of the notebook, words began to appear again.

I’m happy because the sky is clear today.

It was the last sentence that Han Si-hoo could clearly understand.

The weather is clear.
The weather is clear.
The weather is clear.
The weather is

The rest of the page was filled with doodles or illegible scribbles.

He stared blankly at Yoo Seo-ah’s diary.

Thud.

After a long time, he closed the notebook.
His hands were trembling uncontrollably.

"Ugh."

Now he knew for certain that Yoo Seo-ah had distanced herself because she was worried about him.
Loneliness and suffering had driven her further into dependency on the drugs.
At some point, she had started getting her medication from the doctor.
He had seen the words "It doesn’t hurt when I take the medicine" repeated dozens of times.

He should have known sooner.
Had he really been that indifferent to her?
That couldn’t be it.
But it was too late now.

His vision kept blurring.
He felt like throwing up.

"Why?"

Why had it come to this?
Why?
Who had caused this situation?

His stomach churned.
Yoo Seo-ah had been a sweet and bright childhood friend.

The Yoo Seo-ah in the diary had been calling out for Han Si-hoo’s help.
But he hadn’t heard her cries.
And, of course, there had been no help.

He didn’t want to think anymore.
But he had to.

"Why..."

Why had this happened?
He asked himself the same question over and over.

He grabbed his head.
Han Si-hoo desperately tried to find a reason.

Out of all the people, why had this happened to Seo-ah?
Why had the doctor prescribed the medicine?
He didn’t know.

All that was left was the fact that he hadn’t been able to protect Yoo Seo-ah.

There must be something more, right?
There had to be more information in this house.

Rattle.

The drawer of the desk was pulled open with a rough sound.
Inside was a broken tricolor pen.

That was all he could find in the drawer.

Staggering, he stood up.
He grabbed the notebook.

The pile of junk in the room remained a mystery.
The reason for the shattered mirror was still unknown.
He didn’t know exactly when she had started using injections.

"...I have to go back."

He had to return to the dorm and ask Seo-ah about all of this.
Did he really think that a casual breakfast together would resolve everything?
Could they just pretend nothing had happened and talk like normal?
Could a few apologies make everything disappear?
Would things go back to peaceful normalcy with a little effort?
Would it all be over with some rest and treatment?

What would Seo-ah think?

Han Si-hoo asked himself.

He just wanted to run away.
Instinctively, he was rejecting the harsh reality.
But he knew he had to stop avoiding it.

"I have to go back."

He needed to find out what had really happened.
But he had no clear idea.
Or perhaps too many.

Too many possible things could have happened to Seo-ah.
The range of bad outcomes kept widening.
He considered the worst-case scenarios.
But there were so many that it was meaningless.