[‘You have been killed by Gawol.’]
[Death Penalty: Restricted Access (4 hours)]
[You can log back in after 3 hours, 58 minutes, and 47 seconds.]

The last thing Camellia saw before everything went dark was Gawol’s face, filled with fury. Her vision turned black, and she closed her eyes.

There was no point in staying inside the connection device if she couldn’t play the game. As Shin Eun-chae exited the practice room, she saw a woman standing there. If she was a player on this team, there was no way not to recognize her.

“Did you finish everything you wanted to do?”

It was Luce—Lee Ga-yun smiled. Her expression was calm and beautiful, but her eyes didn’t reflect the smile.

“Yes. Were you waiting for me?” “It’s fine. I was just having some coffee.” “I’m sorry for acting on my own. I suppose I’ll be disciplined, right? I’ve damaged the team’s reputation.”

Pro gamers generally didn’t like participating in siege battles. They saw it as a form of decline or fall, and many fans wanted a clear separation between the pro league and siege battles.

However, there was no strict rule dividing the two. It was more of an unspoken understanding—nobody enforced it, but almost everyone followed it without question. Today, Camellia had blatantly broken that unspoken rule.

Luce was someone who adhered strictly to principles. So, it wouldn’t have been surprising if she despised what Camellia had done today.

“No. There’s no rule explicitly forbidding participation in sieges. I don’t think it would be reasonable to impose any disciplinary action. At least, that’s my opinion.”

This was an unexpected statement for Camellia. If that was the case, then there would be no disciplinary action from the team.

In Sigma Esports, Lee Ga-yun’s position wasn’t just as ‘captain’ or ‘ace.’ She held influence on multiple levels. Although she had never wielded her power unfairly, some forms of power didn’t need to be actively used to hold sway.

Ga-yun always spoke softly. She never said anything sharp to anyone, nor did she act roughly. But somehow, Eun-chae felt like she couldn’t breathe.

There was a strange sense of anger behind Ga-yun’s unsmiling gaze. Even though her voice was warm and caring, it felt as if a large hand was gripping Eun-chae and wouldn’t let go.

“But Eun-chae.” “Yes?” “Did you enjoy it? Playing with someone’s wounds as you pleased.” “…No.” “By chance, I knew that person. Not for a long time, just vaguely. I wondered, ‘Could it be?’ But recently, I learned more about their situation.”

Eun-chae’s eyes widened. Surprised, she looked up at Ga-yun but quickly lowered her head again. Ga-yun’s expression, devoid of any trace of a smile, was colder than she had imagined.

“Maybe I should’ve stopped you. I had a hunch. I knew who you wanted to defeat and why you were so obsessed. I thought it might be good for both of you, or maybe I was meddling too much.” “No, I was immature. I’m sorry.” “If the other side is okay with it, would you meet them? I think it’d be good for you to apologize. I’m not forcing you.” “…Yes. Please help me with that.”

My connection device was eventually deemed "unusable for safety reasons." Internally, they must have checked for any illegal programs or suspicious activities, but of course, they didn’t find anything. Still, the fact that I had lost my paradise remained unchanged.

I guess I should be thankful. The game company kept this whole incident under wraps. There was no significant issue to stir up, and they clearly didn’t want to make trouble out of nothing.

Well, I could always log in using another connection device. I simply stated publicly that I was dealing with personal matters.

“It feels so empty.”

I had so much free time now. I had spent more time with that connection device than I had in my own bed. Now, it was just an oversized burden taking up most of my small room.

I thought about just throwing it away, but since it was my parents' keepsake, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Still, I couldn’t hold onto it forever. I would have to make a decision at some point.

Maybe moving to a bigger place would be a good idea. If I could let go of just one obsession that’s been holding me back, it’d be possible. The money I’d been using to fix my legs could go toward living expenses.

“The remaining balance… should be enough.”

I had saved a decent amount of money. With the assumption that I’d give up on fixing my legs, I could easily sustain myself until I found a new place to settle. Or I could start streaming, like Elderen suggested.

Would I be able to handle it while sober? On the other hand, maybe now was the perfect time.

There was an empty hole in my chest. Looking back, it always felt like this—whenever I was close to getting something, the world would tear away something even bigger. Warmth, my parents, my dreams. The world would just toss my tattered self back into the void.

It’s ironic. When I actually feel like crying, the tears won’t come. Even though they used to flow all the time, they won’t come when I need them.

Am I too busy trying to fill this empty space to cry? I still don’t understand my own emotions. If everyone knew themselves so well, mental hospitals would have all shut down by now.

[A message has arrived.]

My phone kept pinging with notifications. Ever since I announced my break from the game, messages flooded in from all sides. I hadn’t checked a single one.

I didn’t feel like talking to anyone.

Explaining would be annoying and painful. I felt tired and drained of energy. It’d be nice if someone could just hold me without saying a word.

Even if it was just a lie, I’d be okay with that. If someone pretended to be kind, I’d let myself be fooled. Needing something to hold onto, I grabbed a pillow and hugged it tight.

The house was quiet, and I could hear the sound of footsteps climbing the stairs outside. It was a strange experience. I hadn’t been awake at this time of day in a long while. Normally, I’d either be inside the connection device or asleep.

‘Is it the neighbor coming back?’

Ding-dong—the doorbell rang. It was my door. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I held my breath and pretended no one was home.

I hadn’t made a sound yet, so whoever was outside wouldn’t know if anyone was here. They’d probably assume I wasn’t home and leave soon, whether it was a delivery or something else.

But I was wrong. From outside, I heard Elderen’s voice.

“Da-eun? You’re in there, aren’t you? Open the door.” “...” “I think I know you well enough by now. There’s no way you’ve gone out.” “...” “Oh, you’re pretending not to be home. A lot of people have been asking for me recently. Maybe someone’s looking for that old photo we took…”

“I-I’m coming!”

She’s terrifying, Yuserin. I hopped over to the door on one leg and opened it. My sister was standing there, looking like she expected this.

“You were home, after all?” “Saying there’s no way I’d go out is kind of hurtful, you know. I do go outside sometimes.” “But you didn’t today.” “Well, that’s true…”

Her eyes briefly glanced at my neck. I hadn’t harmed myself or anything like that. Her concern was overblown—I hadn’t reached that point yet.

I suppose her younger sister must have hated herself even more than I do. I couldn’t really blame her for worrying, so I just pretended not to notice.

“This room is too dark. Let’s open the curtains and the windows.”

You sound just like my therapist, Sis. —Would I get scolded if I said that?

“So, why did you come by today? Don’t you have a stream?” “You watch my streams, Da-eun?” “How could I not?”

I owed her a lot, and besides, I might need to learn from her. I didn’t watch every broadcast, but I did drop by whenever I saw her streaming.

“I’m taking a break today. Even I need to rest sometimes.” “You didn’t rush over because of me, did you?” “Would it be a problem if I did?” “No… it’s just, I thought it might be because of me.” “You’re right, Da-eun. I figured you’d be thinking dark thoughts by now, so I came.”

She hit the nail on the head. My thoughts had indeed been drifting in that direction. Thoughts are like a river—once they start flowing a certain way, it’s hard to change course.

If I’d been alone, I probably would’ve spiraled into a pretty dark place. Now that the room was brighter, I felt a little better. As Elderen walked around the small space, the once dead atmosphere seemed to come alive again.

“When you’re going through tough times, having someone by your side makes things a bit better. So, why don’t we go out somewhere together?” “I don’t want to go out. It’s exhausting.” “We’ll go in my car. I parked it nearby. I even made reservations.” “Reservations? Where are we going?” “You’ll find out when we get there. I have something to talk about on the way. Really, you won’t go?” “…Fine. I’ll go.”

I owed Elderen a lot. So, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to humor her for once. I didn’t mind the idea that much.

─Little did I know, I would soon taste the bitterness of regret.

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