I just wanted to watch.

To simply watch.

To go back to that moment of reading a book, watching the protagonist grow, seeing what trials they overcome, how they make friends, how they lead others.

But I couldn’t.

Because I was trapped in a strange place.

A small space where all I could do was fantasize.

They came to rescue me too late.

I remembered a book I’d read. When I tried to recall its content, all I could remember was a story where I died. But I also remembered everyone was happy in the end. It had a happy ending.

A happy ending.

[330 hours]

Maybe the time I see ticking before me isn’t just a drug effect. It’s time I shouldn’t have, time I’m borrowing to exist. Time that could only burden others. If I added up all the time I’d accumulated so far… how much would it be?

In the last pages of that faintly remembered novel, I wasn’t there. I wasn’t the only one missing, but… there was someone else beside the protagonist, someone who fit perfectly. They had many friends.

[329 hours 59 minutes]

"Ah…"

When I opened my eyes, I was home.

Home?

No, that couldn’t be.

It was a messy room, with rotting wood and a leaking ceiling. Even the cobwebs had been abandoned by their owners.

It looked like a home, but it was just a ruin.

Definitely not my home.

I tried to think about why I was here. I remembered asking the rescue team to save me. And after that… what happened?

I started counting time by folding out my fingers. There were still about 330 hours left… so maybe a day had passed. Last time I’d used the drug, it had been at 360 hours or so.

—Ah, home.

I think I’d said that. Maybe in the rescue team’s vehicle. I saw a place that looked like a house. It looked similar to where I used to live.

But this wasn’t my home.

I’d just mistaken it for one.

After getting out of the rescue vehicle, I must’ve just wandered into some random house and fallen asleep. I’d been so tired. It was quiet—no people, no monsters.

Maybe I should try going outside.

"......"

No surprise, my body wouldn’t move.

I couldn’t move.

This was hopeless.

Haha.

I let out a small laugh.

Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad decision to stay like this. Just lie here until the drug’s effects wear off, and then… die.

Honestly, it wasn’t a bad option. There’d be no more trips back to the lab. No more biological experiments.

"...Get up."

Even speaking was a chore.

Just waking up made things feel heavier.

"[Get up.]"

I managed to stand.

I could move.

Light streamed in from outside.

In the morning light, I could see the mold on the walls more clearly.

Morning.

Light.

The outside world.

It had been so long.

Yesterday had been filled with strange events, so I hadn’t really gotten a chance to enjoy it.

"Aha..."

In my pocket were four syringes I’d kept as spares. Enough for emergencies.

[322 hours 41 minutes]

Time was slipping away at an alarming rate. But I was grateful I could move, even if only with the drug.

Yes.

All I needed was the drug.

It had always been that way.

It might have worsened recently, but…

I looked in a mirror on the wall. With some dust wiped away, I could see myself clearly.

"...Oh."

My bangs had grown long and blocked my view a bit.

Isn’t something different?

I pushed my hair aside to get a better look. My eye looked… strange.

"Hmm?"

Was it because of what happened in the lab? Had it been like this since then? They’d done something weird to my eyes.

A slit pupil.

Like a cat’s eye?

Or maybe a lizard’s?

It was only my right eye, which made it stand out even more.

"......"

Why?

Was it the drugs?

At least it could be hidden behind my bangs, so that was fortunate.

Everything seemed fine on the surface.

I didn’t look sick.

Well, I had used a lot of drugs, after all.

Yes.

As long as I had the drugs, I could make it work.

I should go find more.

Staying here would just waste time.

Time to go outside.

The streets looked abandoned, like they had been this way for a while. But it didn’t seem completely deserted. There were signs that people were still living here.

"Yula!"

A voice called out, as if searching for someone.

It sounded like a child. A boy, by the tone.

"Yula?!"

I stepped outside to check.

He looked about nine or ten.

"Yul—oh, wh-who are you?"

I smiled, hoping to appear harmless.

"Oh, do you live here?"

I shook my head.

I lived somewhere similar, but…

His gaze measured me, wondering if I was trustworthy.

"...Anyway, have you seen a girl about this tall?"

He gestured to show she was a bit shorter than him.

Looks like he’s looking for a friend.

"We were playing, but I can’t see her… I think she might be hiding."

I shook my head again.

Sadly, I hadn’t seen her.

"Oh, I see. If you do, could you—"

He trailed off awkwardly. I nodded to indicate I’d help him look.

But how would I search? It didn’t feel right to call out her name.

Still, I tried to help, wandering the streets here and there. Mostly, I stayed near the boy.

"Yula! Where are you?"

If she were nearby, she’d have come out by now. Maybe they were playing hide-and-seek. Or maybe she’d gotten lost.

"I’m here!"

The girl jumped out from behind the boy.

"Geez. I was worried."

Maybe she’d just been hiding to tease him.

"But who’s this lady?"

The word "lady" felt odd to hear.

"I dunno. She was here. She helped me look for you."

"Wow… Hi, lady! I’m Yula, and he’s Hyun."

Short names, it seemed. They must have their reasons for living here.

"What’s your name?"

I wanted to answer, but speaking would cost me time.

"Oh, are you from the factory too?"

Hyun asked.

There must be a factory nearby.

"Right? Factory people don’t talk much. It’s to prevent information leaks or something."

"But she’s not wearing a mask."

"...Maybe not?"

They started debating among themselves.

At least they didn’t seem to think I was dangerous.

"[Factory?]"

The factory sounded interesting.

"Yeah, the people from the factory kill monsters."

A factory that kills monsters? Then it must also process them as materials.

It might even be the same factory where they make the drugs.

It wasn’t that far from the lab area, after all. I’d been dropped off not far from here by the rescue team. I remembered hearing about a factory district nearby. Maybe it was mentioned in the lab; I couldn’t recall exactly.

"And they give us food and medicine."

"Medicine?"

"Yeah, the factory people come and give us medicine. They ask if anyone’s hurt."

Was it the same medicine I knew? Were they giving it to kids? No, it was probably just regular medicine.

"[Like this?]"

I pulled out a syringe to show them.

"Um… never seen that. Is it a pen?"

"It’s got a long needle. Looks like a syringe."

I put it away. Thankfully, they didn’t recognize it. Hopefully, they weren’t giving those kids the drugs I was familiar with.

Why did I start taking it again?

-Doctor?

---

A doctor?

Yes.

The doctor.

I remembered the first time I met the doctor. I’d been coughing.

I needed medicine for a cold, so I went to get some.

Even the shelter in the slums had closed down.

It was sad, as they sometimes gave me food. But it was gone now.

I stood at the empty site of the abandoned shelter.

"Where can I get medicine?"

The hospital was far away.

The city was far too distant, and I had no money.

It wasn’t surprising, really. Why would anyone bother to hand out medicine and food in the slums? Still, I couldn’t help feeling disappointed.

"Maybe I’ll just have to tough it out."

The coughing was relentless.

There were no other shelters nearby. If the one here was gone, it was likely the others had closed too.

I figured I should head back. But just as I decided to leave—

"Are you looking for a doctor?"

A person in a black coat stood there.

They looked suspicious.

"Yes…"

"I heard there were still patients around, even though the shelter’s closed, so I came."

"What?"

"I’m a doctor. If you need anything, I can provide it."

That was my first encounter with the doctor.

"I need… medicine for a cold."

"Oh, yes. I happen to have some that was given specifically to help those in need. By the way, may I have your name?"

"Suh Ah Yoon. Yoon Suh Ah."

That was my name. I remembered.

"Alright, Yoon Suh Ah. This is cold medicine. I heard there were patients around here, so if you know anyone else who’s sick, have them come by."

They handed me a packet of medicine, the same kind the shelter used to give.

"The cost…"

I didn’t have much money.

The shelter had sold the medicine cheaply, but how much would this doctor charge?

"It’s free. I might charge next time, but it won’t be expensive."

"Thank you. Um… should I come to the shelter to find you?"

I might need more medicine in the future.

"Yes. I’ll be around here."

"Um… since you’re a doctor, don’t you have a hospital?"

"In the city. Just think of me as someone temporarily assigned here. I plan to stay here for a while. There are other patients besides you."

"Ah, thank you."

"See you again."

"Goodbye."

They were an odd person.

Very different from the doctors at the shelter. Younger, with a different way of speaking.

But I got my medicine, so I guess that was good.

I swallowed the pills.

The same medicine I’d always taken.

And for about a month, I didn’t feel sick.

The next time my cough worsened, I went back. The medicine had changed shape a bit.

It worked for about a week.

Then I went back again.

It worked for about four days.

And I went back again.

It worked for two days.

Then again.

Eventually, the medicine I received was no longer in pills but a liquid in a syringe.

I learned how to administer it.

I hadn’t realized how complicated syringes were to use.

And I learned that the doctor was a kind person.

I didn’t know exactly why, but he said he was kind.

So, he must have been.

Even if he were kind, I probably used to smile like that too.

---

I patted their heads.

"Sis? What’s wrong?"

Yula smiled.

Next to her, Hyun’s expression was bright too.

That’s right.

Kids are meant to smile like that.

They’re the future.

Was I the future once?

If someone like me was the future, was the hope, that would be a disaster.

—Children are the future.

The words I’d seen on the playground fence as we played.

The voice of my friend saying, "We’re the future."

Is this how adults treat children?

Was it because I wasn’t that young anymore?

Did they just enjoy ruining the future?

Did I lack the qualities needed to be the future?

Or had I done something wrong?

Why had they messed me up so badly, Yoon Suh Ah?

"Are you… crying, sis?"

Tears pricked my eyes as I patted Hyun’s head.

These were real tears, not the drug.

Right?

[285 hours 4 minutes]

I should be happy while on the drug.

I was always happy before.