Mother, how are you? Here’s your devoted son, guilty of committing the ultimate act of disrespect by skipping the formal family meeting. You were probably thrilled to hear that your eternally bachelor son was finally getting married, only for me to pull off this unexpected stunt. I’m truly sorry for this unfortunate turn of events.

But in my defense, I don’t think this was entirely my fault.

"The chef went to great lengths today. I hope it suits your taste," the Emperor said.

"I am honored, Your Majesty," I replied.

When the highest authority invites you to dine, how can …