The First Walk Outside

This was my first time leaving the room.

Of course, I step outside every day to bestow blessings, but that only involves walking the same path with Hieronymus, down to the underground and back.

So, officially, this was my first outing.

And by “officially,” I mean it feels appropriate to describe it that way, even if the reality is debatable.

Countless individuals blessed by me already roam this area.

As a result, the map of this region is almost fully marked.

Therefore, the purpose of this walk wasn’t to explore the surroundings but simply to move my body. What’s the saying? That you should run for an hour a day?

When I dig through my faded memories, now reduced to little more than gray tones, I recall watching something like that in a video. Back then, I exercised for two days before giving up.

This time, I’ll need to exercise more consistently.

As I stepped out and began walking, Hyungkeshni followed close behind.

“Hey, Rebecca. What’s the purpose of this? If you’re planning to consume warmth, I’ll have to stop you.”
“You prepare three people for me every day, don’t you? I came out to run. To maintain my body—humans need to run, or so they say.”

My tone suggested I was merely relaying something I had heard somewhere. She might think Rebecca Rolf knew this, but in truth, it came from a video I’d seen.

I wasn’t lying.

“Running, huh. Well, it’s not a bad way to keep yourself in shape. But are you planning to run in that body?”

Hyungkeshni gestured toward me as she spoke. I looked down at myself. My chest obstructed my view of my lower body, but I felt fine. I twisted and tested my range of motion.

Everything worked smoothly. I could stretch easily and move freely.

I even tried a full leg split and balanced on my hands before standing upright again.

“My body moves just fine.”

When I looked at Hyungkeshni, she had an expression that screamed, “What on earth am I witnessing?” She scratched the back of her head and stepped closer.

Then she lifted my chest with her hands—hands so small I felt I could lick the light within them and absorb warmth.

But I held back.

Yes, not yet.

Not yet.

I practiced restraint as she lifted my chest several times before tugging at my clothes and letting out a deep sigh.

“With something this heavy and wearing such thin clothes, both your outfit and your body will get ruined. There’s a special garment for this. Do you remember it?”

Clothing, she said.

Other people’s memories contained references to such garments. For instance, Isla had trouble moving after suddenly gaining an adult body following my blessing, and I recall her trying out various outfits.

But Rebecca Rolf’s memories didn’t have any such reference.

“There’s no such item in Rebecca Rolf’s memories.”
“Then I’ll prepare one for you. Why don’t you head back to your room for now?”

Ah, I see.

Hyungkeshni didn’t want me leaving my room. She needed time to prepare, at the very least.

Was she just waiting for an excuse to send me back? Or was this a convenient opportunity for her to test something? I know she still hasn’t let her guard down.

I occasionally catch her glancing at me with a pained smile. While I’d like to think it’s because she finds me amusing, the reality is quite the opposite.

It’s more of a habit. A very old one.

When scared, she doesn’t show fear—instead, she smiles. She’s done it for so long that she’s forgotten how to display fear on her face, regardless of her age.

If someone like that says something out of fear, I’ll comply.

“Yes, understood.”

So, I turned and started walking back to my room. As I did, I glanced at Hyungkeshni’s expression. She looked relieved.

And beneath that expression, at the core of her being, there was light—a significantly large light compared to the average person, yet very little warmth.

Large light, abundant warmth.
Large light, minimal warmth.
Small light, minimal warmth.

These three combinations exist.

But I’ve never seen a small light with abundant warmth.

Light is the vessel, and warmth is something else entirely.

At first, I thought warmth represented potential, but that doesn’t explain why infants have so little. So the true nature of warmth remains a mystery.

I suspect the color of the light changes when I occupy it because the vessel becomes filled with me. Originally, it’s like a clear glass of water, but when I enter, it becomes muddy.

In other words, Hyungkeshni possesses a very large vessel.

I look forward to the day her interior becomes warm.

If possible, I want to draw a lot of warmth from her. So, for now, I wait.

I returned to my room.

After settling into the chair I often sit in, Hyungkeshni left, saying she’d go find suitable undergarments.

When she said she’d look for undergarments, I believe she meant it. But that’s not the only thing she intends to do. Most likely, she plans to inform Hieronymus.

And that’s fine.

It’s perfectly fine.

Hieronymus already views me as his subordinate.

Yes, he thinks he’s fully domesticated me. His gaze, actions, and expressions all exude the condescension of someone looking down on a lesser being.

Especially when he uses honorifics with me—it visibly irritates him. It’s quite a spectacle, really.

But I don’t care.

Yes, I can read everything about him, but I have no intention of revealing that. After all, he hasn’t asked. If he were to ask if I could read his expressions, I’d answer truthfully.

I don’t lie.

That’s why I believe Hieronymus thinks this:

“Rebecca Rolf’s body will weaken if left idle. She needed exercise, but she returned when Hyungkeshni told her to.”

To him, I’m a perfectly tamed creature.

How pitiful.

The weakness of a creature, obedient to orders, no problems whatsoever.

He doesn’t need to overthink my actions because I’ve presented myself as dull. Unfortunately, I only observe much; I’m not particularly intelligent. I can’t perform complex calculations—I’m just this.

If I were to become a true monster, I wish I’d at least be granted the intelligence of one.

But wishing for something that doesn’t exist changes nothing.

So, I lower myself to make my motives easier to predict.

For warmth, I’ll carefully play the cards I hold and think hard about my next moves.

I need more warmth.

As I pondered my plans for the future, the door opened, and Joanna entered with fresh blankets and covers in her arms.

“Welcome back, Joanna.”
“Yes, Lady Rebecca, I’ve returned. Ah, could you step aside a little so I don’t bump into you?”

Joanna’s arms were full of blankets, but I noticed that she had a clear sense of my position through her reflection in mirrors or metallic surfaces.

Why would I interfere with someone diligently cleaning my room?

I stood, picked up the chair I’d been sitting on, and stepped aside.

Joanna smiled slightly at me as she walked over to the bed and began making it skillfully.

Joanna moved with practiced efficiency, spreading the covers over the mattress with expert precision. The mattress was large enough to look unwieldy for most women, but not for her. Joanna, empowered by my blessing, was strong enough to lift containers the size of a person with a single hand.

Among those I’ve blessed, Joanna stands out as one of the physically strongest.

But her light isn’t particularly large. It’s average at best, maybe even a bit below.

It makes me think—having a larger vessel doesn’t necessarily equate to greater power.

I don’t fully understand it yet.

“Lady Rebecca, where has Hyungkeshni gone?”
“She went to find undergarments.”
“Oh, undergarments? They should all be in this drawer. Those undergarments are yours, correct?”

Joanna spoke while fitting the cover snugly over the mattress. She immediately realized the undergarments in question weren’t for Hyungkeshni but for me.

I found her deduction rather impressive.

“Yes, that’s correct,” I replied.

Joanna gave the covers a few final tugs to smooth them out, then fluffed the blanket before folding it neatly atop the bed.

Her skills were remarkable.

She approached me after finishing the bed. Her blue-tinged skin, which looked more vibrant than a bruise but carried an unnatural tone, caught the light. Despite her youthful appearance, her mannerisms hinted at someone older—more a girl than a woman.

Her eyes, too, were striking. The whites of her eyes were pitch black, giving her the appearance of a demon from certain fictional works. It made her seem alien, but her gentle smile softened that impression.

“You were planning to go outside, weren’t you?” she asked with surprising accuracy.

She’s observant.

Joanna isn’t simply a kind and gentle person. Her past has shaped her into someone far more complex. Her smile isn’t a mask—it’s a tool, one she uses deliberately.

After being abandoned by her husband and cast out of her home, she took on whatever harsh jobs she could to survive. She learned to deceive people and even send them to their deaths, knowing full well the dangers, just to earn a few coins.

Life in this world, without access to magical healing or wealth, is brutal. Miscarriages can ruin not just the body but the mind as well.

Joanna was a textbook example of someone steeped in misfortune, molded by it into someone others would call a villain. Her bitterness persisted even after joining the Future Hope Sect.

She lived solely to survive, pulling others down to climb higher herself.

Eventually, her deteriorating body gave out, rotting from within. On the verge of death, she was brought before me as an experimental subject by Hieronymus.

“Yes, that’s correct, Joanna,” I said calmly.

“Then Hyungkeshni must have gone to find undergarments for exercise, correct? If that’s the case, I know someone who can provide them. Should I go fetch them?”

As she spoke, Joanna placed the chair I had moved back in its original position.

“There’s no need to rush. Let’s wait and see what Hyungkeshni brings first.”

Joanna nodded in agreement. Her gaze held no trace of the fanatical devotion many of my other followers exhibited. She didn’t worship me; she simply acknowledged my authority and cared for me as someone above her.

Her transformation was surprising.

While she had once leaned heavily on the Future Hope Sect as a spiritual refuge, she now appeared grounded and pragmatic. During the day, she cared for me, and at night, she trained diligently with the sect’s warrior followers.

This meant she occasionally crossed paths with Isla or Wide, though neither seemed to pay it any mind.

She spoke to no one of her opinions, always bowing her head and passing by quietly. Most of those I bless develop inflated egos, trusting in their newfound powers over the gods themselves. Joanna, however, seemed different.

Could it be her life experiences that allow her to understand what I’m thinking?

Or perhaps she merely sees me as a beast, caring for me with the same detachment one might show toward a caged animal.

In any case, our relationship remains detached yet functional.

Ah, there was one time I managed to surprise Joanna. One day, I had directed all my attention to a distant battle where my harvesters fought knights whose swords gleamed with radiant light. I had laid Rebecca Rolf’s body on the bed, focusing entirely on the fight.

When it was over, I noticed Joanna sitting next to Hyungkeshni, reading a book. When Rebecca Rolf rose, Joanna quickly closed the book.

I had simply told her she could do whatever she wanted. Feel free, I had said.

She’d seemed oddly startled by this. Of course, nothing significant changed after that incident.

If anything, the only change was that she occasionally read books from Hyungkeshni’s shelf when I wasn’t moving.

Interacting with me when I’m still must be dull. It’s better to keep her occupied.

After all, when she dies, I’ll take everything.

I’d prefer she accumulates as much as possible. That way, when I harvest her, there will be more to take. Warmth remains the most important thing, but memories add a touch of entertainment.

And so, this is how I live in this spacious room.