-"As a pathetic man hiding in a corner..."

The distant voice weighed heavily on the phone line. The biting criticism was eerily reminiscent of her husband's contemptuous remarks.

-"You want to play a game of 'who's uglier'?"
"The words I said..."
-When I see you in court, I'll make sure I treat you well.

The call ended as harshly as Baek Sa-eon's cold tone. The feeling of humiliation made my hand and one side of my cheek burn like fire.

"Call him back!"
"Huh?"
"Keep calling...! Until he picks up!"
"Sis... that..."

Heeju felt like her bones were being shattered.

[The number you have dialled is currently inactive. After the tone, your call will be forwarded to voicemail. Please note that there may be a charge for this call. ]

Beep!

B*stard! He's an assh*ole. He doesn't have a shred of decency.

"A_ Ahh.. Sis.. Look forward!"

I was too busy to hear anything.

'-!'

Heeju could only think of her ugly contempt and lost control of the steering wheel.

 

***

 

"Why are you the only one who's OK?"

A tearful scream hit young Heeju's body.

She was only nine at the time. Her eyes had barely fluttered open after the accident. The first thing she saw was a white ceiling and the stench of the hospital reached her nostrils.

She had barely raised her head when the door slammed open and Kim Yeon-hee staggered in.

"Mum..."

Heeju was relieved to see her mother. But the moment she reached for her hand, her mother avoided her like the plague.

"How come you're the one who's fine?!"

A look of horror spread across Kim Yeon-hee's face, her lips trembling uncontrollably.

Young Heeju didn't quite understand.

"You should've been hurt too..."

A cold shiver ran down her spine as she watched her mother burst into tears. It was sadness, it was anger and most of all it was fear.

Her mother was terrified.

She was afraid for her daughter, who woke up unharmed except for a few scars.

"Mum... Mum..."

Even at a young age, I noticed that her reaction was strange. Heeju approached her mother and tried to persuade her.

Yeon-hee looked at her like a bug.

"Oh... dear God! Why!" She cried, covering her face.

Hong's biological daughter, Hong In-ah, had her ears injured by an iron pipe through a glass window, and the babysitter who was with her youngest son died.

He was the only child of her miraculous remarriage from a life as a mistress.

The car they were travelling in collided with a lorry on a bridge, and her child, Heeju, was the only one unharmed.

"If the chairman finds out..."

Kim Yeon-hee cried, her face contorted with shame.

"His biological daughter is deaf and his spoiled son is dead, and only you... my biological daughter is still alive!"

Mum shook like a kite without a string.

"Even if he doesn't say it directly... Do you think it was easy to find a man like him? Do you know how hard I fought to get here?"
"M- Mum."
"He'll be angry when he sees you unharmed, and then he'll hate me, I'm sure of it."

Kim Yeon-hee was talking to herself, or maybe not. She was pacing the hospital room, biting her nails, and it was hysterical to watch.

She put her hand on Heeju's shoulder and said harshly.

"You are in shock from the accident. My daughter, you're traumatised."

She looked as if she were standing on the edge of a cliff.

"You're not supposed to be fine. No - you can't be fine!"

Her clenched hands were pale and her last words were almost a scream.

"It would be better if you didn't say anything..."
"M-Mum..."
"Pull yourself together, do you want to live in the back room of the club?"
"...!"

Heeju couldn't even breathe from the whip-like scolding. She watched helplessly as a gag seemed to be stuffed into her own mouth.

"From today on you will never say anything again."
"Ugh.. M- Mum.."
"The shock was too much. On the outside, you may seem fine. But your head... Your head doesn't work well."

Yeon-hee's eyes narrowed as she pressed the side of Heeju's head.

"You must never say another word, Hong Heeju."
"...!"

"If you want to continue living as Hong, if you want to stay with your mother, you mustn't speak. Just like The Little Mermaid you saw in the theatre. Remember?"

"Mo- Mum, I'm scared..."
"Why are you being so tactless?"

Kim Yeon-hee slapped Heeju's cheeks.

"Do you want to live in a dustbin again?"

Heeju froze, tears welling up in her eyes. The corner of her lip was torn.

"Your sister will never hear from you again and your brother is dead...!"

Heeju was shocked by the bitterness in her mother's voice.

"Do you want to talk?"

Heeju tried to say no, but just shook her head in response to her mother's words.

To avoid being scolded, she quickly wiped the tears from her eyes.

"The chairman has to take pity on you so that you and mummy can live..."

The child nodded, not knowing what to say.

The little brother who babbled at every opportunity and the older sister who was as beautiful and cold as a princess.

That was when Heeju learned that there were priorities in life.

"Until when?"

Heeju's nose was red as she silently asked the question.

"Like in the films. Until the end of time."

With a forced smile and a tear streaked face, her mother whispered the same.

 

***

 

Pitter.. Patter..

The sound of all the rain covered the soggy memory.

First it was hearing. Then she slowly regained her sense of touch and later her sight.

Heeju blinked dazedly, ignoring the throbbing pain.

A heavy rain poured in through the cracked window.

I had an accident.

The car, skidding on the rain-slicked road, veered off the road and hit a barrier before rolling into it.

The side of the car was crumpled like a piece of paper. She was now alone in the mangled car as the kidnapper had already fled.

"..."

Heeju lay motionless, breathing shallowly.

My feelings, my situation, my life was a mess.

Everything bothered me to no end.

What had I done wrong?

I pretended to be aphasic and kept my mouth shut. This event made the chairman sad, strengthened my bond with my sister and further alienated Heeju from the rest of the family.

For a long time, Heeju clung to the false hope that keeping quiet would make everyone happy.

As a child, this burden easily made her lethargic and depressed. She was crushed by the weight of it, and at one point she really couldn't speak.

I was scared to death to raise my voice in front of others.

『 A..nnou..ce..ment."

At that moment, the radio, which had been dormant, came to life.

But is this the price of speaking out? What a pathetic and humiliating conclusion I faced.

The choppy sound quality was now clear.

『 In an official statement released at 17:55, the Blue House declared that the negotiations had been successful. "Argan's forces have agreed to release all Korean hostages," the statement said. Spokesman Baek Sa-eon then went on to say....

He turned to the dashboard.

"We would like to thank the families of the captives, the public and the media for their active cooperation in enduring this painful time."

'......!'

The low voice shattered her dazed mind in an instant.

Each of his words pierced her ears more painfully than the pouring rain. Heeju unconsciously clenched her fist.

"I will take all necessary measures to return the captives to their families as soon as possible," he said. 』

It started with a small chuckle, but soon it erupted into a full blown laugh.

There was still a tear in Heeju's eye.

Now her mother's words made sense.

Until...the end...'

A strange, electric tingling sensation shot through her legs, and it felt as if her legs were slowly dissolving, starting from the ankles and moving upwards.

A shattered expectation.

And the sound of something breaking inside her reverberated.

After all, we've come this far.

"I would also like to express my deepest condolences to the families of the two men who lost their lives in this kidnapping," he said. 』

My eyes were burning.

His voice was incredibly polite, firm and loyal. Something that was never directed at me.

These glass windows felt like prison bars.

My situation was the same as before.

Heeju gritted her teeth and pulled her leg out from under the car.

"Ahh- Ugh..."

She grabbed anything she could get her hands on and started smashing out the windows.

A hardened, almost venomous expression twisted her face.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

The car was filled with the incessant sound of hammering.

I want to make a home.
A place that's all mine, not a newlywed's house, not my parents' house, not my in-laws' house.
I want to build a sanctuary where I can be myself.