Even in Australia, this feeling did not go away. He trained hard, but as soon as he sat down and looked at the pool, tears began to flow. Australian coach Oliver, who noticed this, once called Jaekyong and, sitting next to him, asked: "Do you want to return to Korea? Do you miss home?"

Oliver thought that Jaekyung had something akin to nostalgia, being away from his homeland at such a young age. He offered to talk to his mother if Jaekyung didn't make up his mind.

But he just shook his head and spoke in his still broken English about the Korean athlete he admired, and how lonely he had become after he retired from the sport.

Oliver listened to Jaekyung's story with great attention, and then nodded in understanding.

"The pool itself is such a place. When you swim, you don't think about anything, but as soon as you stop, all your thoughts pile up at once. Water has this property because we first encounter it in the womb. We spent long hours there just thinking. Therefore, when we plunge into it again, reflections come upon us with renewed force. That is why many swimmers suffer from depression," he commented.

"But I don't have depression," Jaekyung hastened to object.

"Of course not," Oliver agreed. "But I'm not sure you should continue training here. It's up to you to decide. If it gets too hard for you, I'll tell your mother."

But Jaekyung immediately shook his head. He could not give up swimming.

"So you want to continue?"

Oliver asked in a soft tone, and Jaekyung nodded, "Yes, I want to reach the Grand Slam. I need it."

Oliver did not ridicule the ambition of the fourteen-year-old boy. He just patted him on the shoulder with his massive hand and said, "This is a great target. As I said before, many swimmers struggle with depression. "Some people feel better when they retire from the sport, but some don't. You have to find a path that works for you."

Oliver was right. There is no guarantee that giving up swimming will bring relief. Probably, everything will only get worse. Jaekyung experimented and tried different methods to deal with loneliness, and eventually found the one that worked best for him.

During training, he did not feel this oppressive feeling, because he was absorbed in the process. And the problem arose at the time of rest.

During the breaks, he just tried not to look at the clear surface of the water. Lying on the floor, Jaekyung covered his eyes with a towel and breathed deeply, focusing on his recovery. The main thing is not to think about anything else while you are recovering. To make this possible, you need to spend maximum energy.

He exhausted himself to such an extent that there was no energy left for reflection.

This regimen paid off: his fitness became excellent, and after three years in Australia, he was on par with any local swimmer.

As a result, the fight against loneliness made him stronger.

Jaekyung's only goal is the Grand Slam. He dreamed at night about how he would achieve his task.

Many successful athletes often appeared on television. Every time Jaekyung saw them, he wondered if he would also be invited to such interviews. Then he would have publicly declared that everything he had achieved was thanks to Jihon.

Thinking back to Hyun, Jaekyung regretted that he had never been able to communicate with him properly. In the end, he decided that if they met again, he would talk about his feelings.

It was for this reason that he became the winner at the Asian and Olympic Games and even took part in the World Championships. The last stage on the way to the Grand Slam was approaching - the Pan Pacific Games, and before that, a competition took place in Taiwan. Although Jaekyung saw no reason to participate, he nevertheless agreed after the Federation's insistent requests.

On that day, the final for 200 meters in the individual medley took place. After the competition, Jaekyung went to a press conference.

The previous team's press conference was not over yet, and he was told to wait in the break room. Fortunately, there was no one there, so Jaekyung lay down on the largest sofa behind the partition. He was exhausted and wanted to get some sleep.

Suddenly, the door opened, and he heard the voice of a young, enthusiastic guy chattering: "When I first saw you in the office, I thought you were already married."

The tone was so loud and harsh that it annoyed Jaekyung.

They didn't seem to know that there was anyone here.

"Well, you can't sleep," Jaekyung cursed to himself, rolling his eyes.

Then, another man's voice, calmer and more reserved, rang out: "Really? Do I look so old?"

— No, you just have a certain detachment and coldness, which are characteristic only of newlyweds. You almost shout with all your appearance: "I have a wife, don't come up."

"What nonsense," Jaekyung chuckled to himself. - "Is he an idiot?"

The man laughed and added, "Hmmm, then I'll continue to dress like that so that everyone thinks I'm busy."

Judging by his answer, he understood that they were rolling up to him, and subtly defended himself against further encroachments.

"Come on, hyung, don't you want to date someone?"

"I don't want to.

He answered firmly, almost as if he were openly denying the possibility. But the frivolous guy continued to flirt, either not noticing or pretending to be a fool: "Oh hyung, you can't be that serious! By not dating, you limit yourself in joy.

— I had a lot of fun at the university.

"That's completely different!"

"What else? It's all the same," the man concluded with a smile.

Listening to them, Jaekyung understood why that noisy guy continued to persist. A soft tone and a smile did not sound like a refusal.

"But Yeonho, why do you call me 'hyung' instead of 'chief'?"

"There's no need for formalities!" And "hyung" sounds closer and more pleasant. I like it.

"I don't. Address me correctly.

Jaekyung closed his eyes and frowned. - "I should have said with a serious face something like: "Are you an idiot? Do you think I'm going to buy your hyung? If he keeps smiling and talking so softly, the guy will become even more persistent."

"No, no way. You'll like it someday, hyung. And I don't behave like that with everyone, only with you, hyung.

"Definitely an idiot," Jaekyung sighed, still trying to relax somehow.

Suddenly, the door swung open with a loud noise, and someone shouted, "Jung Jihong, Youngho, it's time for us to go. The car has arrived."

The stupid and gachy hero-lover exclaimed: "Oh, finally," but it was clear that he was sorry that they were interrupted.

When the door of the waiting room closed, the surroundings became quiet. Now Jaekyung could sleep, but that idiot brought down the whole mood with his love antics.

In the end, Jaekyung clicked his tongue and sat down. Through the window, he saw people getting into the car: "It's them."

The moment Jaekyung saw the man's face sitting in the passenger seat, he involuntarily jumped up.

"It's hyung. No, not like that. He looks a lot like that hyung. Before Jaekyung knew it, he was already standing at the window, frantically searching for the man's face with his eyes.

But the passenger seat door had already slammed shut. And as soon as the car left the parking lot, it was called out: "Kwon Jaekyung, let's go!"

The interview began immediately, but Jaekyung did not remember what questions he was asked or what he answered. Because his thoughts were already somewhere far away. Over time, he gradually came to his senses, but he was still excited. He came up with the idea that the person he saw might not just look like that hyung. Perhaps it was hyung himself.

Many athletes remained in the industry after the end of their careers. If that hyung was also doing this, there was nothing surprising about his presence here. After talking to the press, Jaekyung immediately began to question the people from the federation.

But everyone was talking some incoherent nonsense: "Jung Jihon? Of course, I know him. How can you not know? He's your senior. Isn't he the most handsome swimmer in Korea?"

And Jaekyung still didn't know anything about what that hyun was doing now. Because of this, he returned his return ticket and decided to stay in the athletes' village. If it is really him, then he will certainly appear at the ceremony and the subsequent party. Jaekyung needed to see for himself. He will not rest until he gets the truth.

Jaekyung's presence at the party caused quite a stir. Some people ran up to him from all directions, pretending to be close friends: "Our Jaekyung, our Jaekyung!"

Everyone offered him a drink and bothered him. But he could not make a scandal, so he had to endure, gritting his teeth. Jaekyung suddenly understood why he had always avoided all activities, including closing. It was simply unbearable for him to be in crowded places. He had come, in spite of all this dislike, because he wanted to find out. But Jaekyung never saw not only the person he was looking for, but even someone like him.

"Did I make a mistake?" he suggested. "Maybe he doesn't look so much like him, and I just confused him when I saw his height and physique? Maybe I think too much about him, and now everyone seems to me to be one?"

Suddenly everything seemed meaningless to him. To cancel a flight for such a reason, to stay here and endure all this fuss - what an absurdity.

Jaekyung felt discouraged and irritated. Out of desperation, he decided to forget himself in alcohol. Which happened to him for the first time in his life.

Jaekyung knocked over glass after glass. The champagne wasn't very intoxicating, so he began to mix everything until he felt dizzy. It was only when his vision began to blur that he realized that he was drunk. After making sure that there was nothing to do here, Jaekyung tried to get up, but swayed and fell back into the chair. The man from the next table, seeing this, walked up to him and excitedly said in English, "Is everything okay?"

Jaekyung stood up abruptly and looked at him. And in the next second, he impulsively grabbed his hand and shouted, "Hyung!"

The man opened his eyes in surprise and quickly spoke in an incomprehensible language. Which made Jaekyung belatedly realize that he was mistaken. Concentrating, he looked at the man's face again.

It's not hyung.

But there was something in his features that reminded him of him, especially his thin face and neat mouth.

"Chinese?" suggested Jaekyung. "No, it doesn't look like it... Hong Kong?"

The athlete, catching his confusion, said: "Taiwan."

"Ah, Taiwan. Sorry... You look like the same person...", Jaekyung replied in English, barely putting the words together into sentences. But the man seemed to understand, "Do you speak English? Who do I look like?"

"For one person I've known for a very long time," Jaekyung muttered quietly, dropping his head on the table.

"Boy?"

This unexpected question made Jaekyung laugh.

The man changed the question: "Or was it the person you loved?"

"Yes," Jaekyung replied without hesitation. He really loved him and still loves him.

"A lover?" he specified.

It was difficult to understand all these subtleties in speech.

Previously, Jae-kyung did not consider Ji-hong in romantic terms. Because he is an alpha, and naively believed that his partner could be either a woman or a male omega. And Jihon is beta.

"Don't you know?" the Taiwanese athlete asked, but without waiting for an answer, he began stroking Jaekyung's hair.

This gentle touch made Jaekyung suddenly want to cry. He thought about how beautiful it would be if it was a hyung hand. It seemed to him that his heart was about to break. Jaekyung turned, continuing to lie on the table. The man smiled at him just as warmly.

"He's a beta," Jaekyung muttered, as if talking to himself. Hearing this awkward confession, the man replied with a smile, "So what? I'm a beta too," he whispered, leaning over. "You can do it with beta too."

His smiling face seemed to scream: "Will you try?" But when they got to the hotel room, the man suddenly hesitated, staring at Jaekyung's, "You're so big."

And when it came to sex, he added with an even more serious look: "I think I was in a hurry..."

Despite this, he courageously bent over, taking responsibility for his flirtation, still nothing worked. The problem wasn't the man — Jaekyung couldn't do it. More precisely, he did not want to.

Beta was too narrow, and Jaekyung could hurt him. Seeing his suffering face, Jaekyung thought back to hyun, "He's also a beta. So it would have hurt him just as much? … Probably yes. The physiology of Bet men is completely different."

He didn't want his hyung to suffer. The very prospect of injury broke Jaekyung's heart. So he hugged the man who was lying below him and apologized several times: "I'm sorry... I'm sorry, hyung."

He didn't know who he was asking for forgiveness, but while he was muttering something under his breath, the excitement subsided.

In the end, Jaekyung took a shower and collapsed on the bed. That night, he had his first erotic dream: Jaekyung continued what he had started. The man beneath him writhed in pain, trying to accept him. But the face was somehow familiar. Jaekyung thought it was the athlete from the hotel.

But suddenly...

"Jaekyung-ah, it hurts...", the man said in pure Korean. Jaekyung was stunned and looked at his partner: Jihong was lying crying under him.

The face that had always smiled so gently was now distorted in agony. Jaekyung didn't want to hurt him. But against his will, his body continued to rudely rush inside.

"Ah, Jaekyung-ah," hyung groaned, almost begging.

Jaekyung's heart was breaking: "I'm sorry... I'm sorry, hyung."

He repeated the apologies over and over again, but he couldn't stop. When he returned to Australia, he had that dream for a long time.

Jaekyung couldn't explain it any other way. In ten years, he had never thought of Jihon in such a way.

But as soon as he accepted his true feelings, the hyun seemed to settle in his mind.

Nightmares mixed with erotic dreams tormented him every night. Because of this, Jaekyung's condition worsened, as well as the records.

"You're just not satisfied. Usually, after the first time, it blows a little crazy," Noah, not understanding anything, always spewed out all sorts of heresy with a confident face, but this was the only reasonable explanation.

Soon, one of the local guides with whom Noah communicated suggested that Jaekyung meet a man.

"He's a model. He came from Korea to Australia for filming. Very beautiful. Noah said he was exactly your type. At least look at the photo.

The photos immediately reminded him of Jihon. After hesitating for a while, he decided to meet, but when it happened, the reality was far from his expectations.

Outwardly, they were similar, but in general, this guy looked less neat, and his voice and manner of speech were completely different. He was too friendly, as if even tactless and intrusive. And the so-called cordiality was felt as excessive familiarity.

As a result, the conversation only increased the discomfort. The more he looked for differences, the more he realized that he needed a hyung, not a copy of him.

So it didn't come to the hotel. Saying goodbye, the guy offered to remain friends, and Jaekyung agreed. Later, he met with him several times. It turned out that he is a fairly famous singer and actor in Korea. Everywhere they went, they were constantly photographed, and eventually there were rumors in the press about their romance.

One morning, the mother saw the article and asked, "Are you really dating him? How serious is that?"

"We don't meet. He already has a partner.

"Really?" she clarified, not hiding her own disappointment. "But on the other hand, guys like that wouldn't mess with you."

"What's wrong with me?" said Jaekyung indignantly, pushing the plate aside.

His mother looked at him with sympathy and calmly said, "It hurts me to say this to my son, but if you don't change your character and the way you communicate, it will be difficult for you to find someone."

"I don't need it," he replied irritably.

"Why have a beautiful appearance if the temper is bad," sighed the mother and, remembering something, added: "By the way, the secretary of the charitable foundation recommended one agency. It is small, but they have a high level of satisfaction among athletes and a high share of repeat contracts. Why don't you give it a try?"

"Why?"

Without listening to the end, Jaekyung objected. His mother, angry, glared at him and confidently declared: "You'll see, you will never be able to find yourself a lover."

Then she prepared for an argument, but suddenly the phone rang. Jaekyung took advantage of this respite and, while she was talking, quickly finished his meal and went to his room.

As he was changing clothes to go to the gym, he heard his mother end the call and burst into the room with an excited face, "You won't believe who I just talked to!"

"With whom?" he asked absently, undressing.

"With Jihon, with Jung Ji-hong!"

He couldn't believe his ears.

—… Who?

"Well, Jihon, with whom you visited the same pool in Ilsan!" she exclaimed, almost jumping for joy. "Well, whose video you constantly watched! It turns out that now he works in a sports agency. I told you about it just a couple of minutes ago!"

Jaekyung was even stuck in shock, as was his mind.

Still unaware of what was happening, he automatically buttoned his windbreaker. And, barely comprehending, he finally asked: "What is the name of this company?"