Lunchtime after the morning classes.

I sat alone in a secluded corner, picking at my food with chopsticks.

Lucia’s shallow relationships with others felt pitiful, but right now, it was actually a relief.

If Lucia had even one close friend, it would be a nightmare for me, who didn’t have her memories. What if they noticed the differences between the old Lucia and me and started asking questions like, “Who are you?” At that point, my only option would be to feign amnesia.

But Lucia’s connections with others were shallow.
No, calling them shallow was generous—they were practically nonexistent.

Being an orphan, she had no guardians, and since Lucia deliberately avoided forming bonds with others, there wasn’t anyone who could even be called a friend.

Lucia hated her own abnormality. To say she despised it wouldn’t be an exaggeration. She thought of herself as strange and pathetic for finding pleasure in pain caused by injuries. And yet, she loathed herself even more for continuing to chase that pleasure, calling herself a foolish, perverted freak. That’s why she never opened up to anyone.

The only time Lucia began to accept herself was after Eugene discovered her masochistic tendencies.
Eugene didn’t reject her. He didn’t call her a freak or look down on her. Instead, he accepted her, telling her that people’s minds were all different and advising her not to hate herself.

It was around then that Lucia started making friends.
Once she learned to accept herself, she no longer felt the need to push others away.

But that had nothing to do with the current Lucia, who had only been at the Academy for three days, including the entrance ceremony.

While I felt relieved by that fact, I also felt a strange tightness in my chest. I mean, come on… I do have a conscience. Isn’t it kind of trashy to say, “It’s lucky she doesn’t have any friends,” when I—a grown man—have taken over the body of a high school girl in her prime?

My stomach was growling, but I had no appetite. Sighing, I set down my chopsticks.

It’s not like I wanted to become Lucia. I’m a victim here too. I was dragged into this world of a novel without knowing why. Still, I’m trying my best to adapt and do well here…

A dull ache throbbed in my head. I pressed my palm against my forehead.

I know worrying about it won’t change anything.

Even so…

I don’t know how long I’ll stay as Lucia.
Maybe I’ll be Lucia forever.
Or maybe I’ll leave her body tomorrow.

Right now, while I’m in control of Lucia’s body, what can I do for her?

I don’t know why I became Lucia or how long it will last, but…
If I could leave something meaningful for Lucia—

Growl.

The serious thoughts I was having were ruined by the embarrassing sound from my stomach.

Right, I should eat first. I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.

I picked up my chopsticks again, patting my empty stomach.

As expected of the Academy, which spares no expense for its students, the cafeteria was buffet-style. Students could take as much food as they wanted.

Even though my stomach was empty, my plate wasn’t particularly full.

I’d been feeling this tightness in my chest, like my heart was being squeezed, so my appetite had been completely gone.

Still, I had to eat. Humans can’t survive without food.

“Is this seat taken? Can I sit here?”

Before I could answer, the chair next to me scraped against the floor.

By the time I looked up, the person had already taken a seat.

She had reddish-brown hair braided into two pigtails.

Through her round glasses, I could see slightly sharp eyes.

Her neat uniform and makeup-free face made her look like the stereotypical model student.

In fact, she was a class president.

Or rather, she would soon be one when the class elections took place.

Arin.

One of the so-called “Golden Generation” who had demolished eight golems during today’s ability testing in Class 1.

“Do you… need something from me?”

I wondered if she had just taken the seat because the cafeteria was crowded, but a quick glance around told me that wasn’t the case.

So why did she specifically choose to sit next to me?

Unsure of her intentions, I trailed off.

Arin scanned me up and down before her gaze settled on my shoulder.

“Looks fine.”

“What do you mean, ‘looks fine’?”

“Your shoulder.”

She stabbed a cherry tomato in her salad with her fork as she spoke.

“I was a little worried. Your supernatural ability is Rapid Regeneration, right? I know you heal quickly, even from serious injuries, but you never know.”

Ah, I see.

Since Arin had a class president-like personality, it made sense that she’d be concerned after seeing my shoulder get wrecked earlier.

Even if I could regenerate, the fact that I was injured wouldn’t just disappear.

“Angelica already said this, but be careful. Your ability doesn’t erase pain, after all.”

That’s what makes it even better…

Wait, what the hell am I saying?

“I saw your face back then. It hurt more than you expected, didn’t it?”

“……”

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. Sorry for bringing it up.”

Oh, no.

That’s not why I went quiet.

I was just thinking that my face probably looked pretty ridiculous back then.

“You might not remember, but my name is Arin. You’re Lucia, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Nice to meet you. If you ever need help, feel free to ask me anytime.”

She must have felt sorry for me eating all by myself.

I gave her a small smile and nodded.

*****

The rest of the day passed uneventfully.

The afternoon classes were mandatory subjects.
I couldn’t focus at all.

But it wasn’t just me.

For the Academy’s students, these subjects weren’t particularly important.

They might be crucial at other schools, but not here.

In the first semester of the first year, we were required to study them.
However, starting in the second semester, there would be more practical classes, and by the time we reached the second and third years, most of the curriculum would consist entirely of combat training.

Such was the tragic fate of supernatural ability users.

Only those with abilities could stand against the Beasts of the Beyond, so the moment you became an ability user, your life’s path was inevitably set in this direction.

But my inability to focus wasn’t just because of that.

I was anxious.

I wanted to return to the dormitory as soon as possible.

My chest felt tight—so tight that I clutched it multiple times even while eating lunch.

During class, I kept reaching for my shoulder, unable to count how many times I did it.

Time moved too slowly.

The ticking of the clock seemed frozen, yet my heartbeat grew faster.

By the end, the pounding in my chest was so loud that it drowned out all external sounds.

When the final bell rang, I bolted for the dormitory.

I slammed the door open and slammed it shut again.

And the first thing I did after storming inside was—

“No. This… this isn’t right…”

—I carved into my shoulder.

I drove the dagger deep and twisted it hard, tearing the wound open.

A gush of blood, hot enough to seem like it was steaming, stained the floor.

But my thoughts were elsewhere.

“It hurt more than this… It was so much worse…”

Why?

What’s different?

When the chimera golem bit into my shoulder, the pain was so overwhelming I couldn’t think about anything.

I forgot who I was, what I was doing, and even what I was trying to do.

I ran straight to the dormitory, ignoring Arin’s offer to walk back together, because I wanted to relive that sensation—the feeling of teeth piercing through my shoulder.

“It hurts. It hurts, but… it’s not enough. Not nearly enough.”

My left arm dangled uselessly.

I’d shattered my shoulder bone with careful, deliberate strikes.

I slowed my regeneration to a crawl, replicating the circumstances as closely as I could.

And yet, why…?

“Why is it still not enough? It hurts—it hurts, but… it should be worse. It needs to be worse.”

Sharp, searing pain.

At the very least, the sensation was the same as it had been during the evaluation.

So why did it feel lacking?

“Ugh, ah…”

I slowly pulled the dagger out of my shoulder.

As I wiped away the tears gathering in my eyes, I saw the blood-soaked blade glinting in the dim light.

I tossed it aside like garbage and shoved my fingers into the wound.

“Wider… tear it open more… Ah, ngh… Heh, hehehe… It hurts. Yeah, it hurts…”

My legs trembled, forcing me to lean against the wall.

Breathing became difficult, and my ragged gasps filled the room.

Scarlet blood spread across the floor.

If I hadn’t stripped off my uniform earlier, I wouldn’t have had anything to wear tomorrow.

“It hurts, but… it still feels… lacking…? Why?”

I tilted my head, trying to piece together my fragmented thoughts.

What was different now compared to back then?

Was it because the golem had inflicted the wound, and this time it was self-inflicted?

No. The pain was the same. That couldn’t be it.

Was it the location? The evaluation ground versus my dorm room?

Was it the thrill of being outdoors?

Maybe… but that explanation didn’t sit right either.

It had to be something more fundamental.

“I don’t know… I don’t get it… Lucia, tell me…”

I muttered, almost pleading.

I wanted to feel it again.

I needed to.

But I didn’t know how.

What was there back then that wasn’t here now?

It wasn’t self-inflicted. It was in a public space. There were others around—

“Ah?”

Other people?

The entire Class 1-A was there, including Angelica.

I clenched my teeth.

Maybe it was the blood loss, but Lucia’s reflection in the mirror looked deathly pale.

Eyes.

Everyone’s eyes were on me.

When the chimera golem bit into my shoulder, they all stared in horror.

Everyone.

All of them.

“Heh, hehe… Ahaha…”

Right.

That’s it.

Everyone was watching.

I was more excited because they were watching.

They saw me get hurt. They saw me in pain. They saw me trembling and crying.

And because they saw it—

It hurt even more.

“Hahaha… Ahaha… Ahahahaha!”

Laughter bubbled up, and I couldn’t hold it back.

As my focus wavered, the suppressed regeneration kicked in, knitting my shoulder back together.

I tried to stand, but my legs had lost all strength, and my arms flopped uselessly like deflated balloons.

I collapsed onto the bloodstained floor.

Warm blood touched my face.

I stared at the red puddle blankly before leaning down and giving it a quick lick.

Metallic.

It tasted like iron.

“This is training… It’s all training…”

I’m working hard, pushing myself for the sake of improving my ability.

Right?

I’m not weird at all. I’m perfectly normal.

Still in my underwear, I let myself sink into the pool of blood.

I closed my eyes and let out a soft breath.

I imagined it.

Just like today.

Being cut to pieces in front of everyone.

Being captured by a Beast of the Beyond, my limbs ripped off, my organs dragged out, my eyes gouged out.

The horrified expressions on their faces as they watched.

“Ah…”

Perfect.