Self-Harming Heroine (LN)
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Chapter 8 Table of contents

“Th-thank you for your h-help.”

“No problem. It’s nothing.”

Both of my hands were full of books—Aris’s books, to be exact.

The academy library didn’t impose any limits on the number of books a student could borrow. If you wanted, you could check out as many as you liked. But even so, Aris was probably the only person who’d ever borrowed more than twenty books at once.

Even the librarian had looked a bit surprised.

Still, while there were no restrictions on how many books you could borrow, there was a limit on how long you could keep them—one week.

Would she really be able to finish all these in time?

Well, I could just ask her.

“Are you sure you’ll be able to read all these before the due date?”

“I-I can finish th-them in a d-day or two.”

…Apparently, she could.

I knew she was a bookworm, but this was beyond my imagination.

“You really love books, huh, Aris?”

“Y-y-yes! I l-love them!”

Aris stuttered through her enthusiastic response.

She hit a bit of a squeak at the end, but I pretended not to notice.

“B-books are… amazing. E-each book holds a p-person’s thoughts—and an en-entire world. Exploring th-that world makes time f-fly by without you even n-noticing. H-heh…”

Judging by the way she trailed off, she had more she wanted to say but decided to stop because of her stutter.

Aris was clearly self-conscious about her speech.

Still, this was actually an improvement. At least now she could talk, even if she stuttered.

When she was younger, she couldn’t speak at all.

In Dawn’s Blade, most characters had tragic pasts or lingering traumas.

Lucia was no exception—she loathed her own nature and was consumed by self-hatred.

Aris’s past wasn’t exactly cheerful, either.

Her stuttering was a scar left by her misfortune.

So, it only felt right to look at her with kindness.

Like Lucia, Aris lived in the dorms. Same building, too—though since all first-years shared the same dorm, that wasn’t surprising.

Still, Aris lived on the second floor, while I was a floor above her.

“Here should be fine, right?”

“Y-y-yes! I-I’ll p-pay you b-back f-for this someday!”

Aris clenched her fists as she said it.

The sight was so cute that I couldn’t help but smile.

“Don’t worry about it. This was nothing. See you in class tomorrow.”

“O-okay! S-see you t-tomorrow!”

I waved and left her room.

I caught a glimpse inside as I stepped out—and it was exactly what I expected.

Books.

The place was packed with them, and there was a faint, nostalgic smell of old paper lingering in the air.

Alright. Time to head back to my own room and get some reading done.

Let’s see what the human body is really made of.

But as I walked down the hallway with a grin, a sudden thought made my expression darken.

Wait… was this okay?

Did I get too close to Aris too early?

I mean, sure, we were classmates, so it wasn’t weird to know each other’s faces.

But that’s not what I meant.

Lucia wasn’t supposed to get close to anyone until the second semester.

She didn’t reveal her true nature to Eugene until summer break.

And it wasn’t until then that she became friends with Aris.

I wasn’t planning to change the flow of the “original.”

In fact, I intended to follow its course as closely as possible.

It’d be a pain if my early interaction with Aris ended up altering the future.

I mean, how much could things really change from something this small?

But still—there’s that whole butterfly effect thing.

Even tiny ripples can snowball into something huge.

Arin was one thing.

She was outgoing and nosy enough that it wouldn’t matter.

But Aris?

She was different.

Like Lucia, she barely had any friends.

“…Eh, I’m overthinking this.”

I let out a half-laugh, half-sigh.

Seriously, it was just a bit of small talk.

It wasn’t like I’d messed up Aris and Eugene’s story or anything.

Speaking of which—how did those two end up getting close again?

The big event that brought them together happened about a month later.

But even before that, they’d already known each other.

There’s no way Aris would’ve approached Eugene first, given her personality.

Alright. Let’s think.

Didn’t she trip and fall in the street while carrying a mountain of books, and Eugene just happened to be passing by and helped her?

“…Wait. Huh?”

Something felt off.

Their meeting—did I just mess it up?

No, no way.

Aris was obsessed with books.

She could plow through over twenty in just a day or two.

She’d definitely be back at the library soon enough.

I just had to trust the bond between the protagonist and the heroine.

They were destined to meet—so it’d happen eventually.

…Right?

*****

“Heh… eheh…”

Aris couldn’t stop herself from smiling, her feet tapping rhythmically against the floor.

She’d already lost count of how many times she’d done this.

Even in the middle of reading, she’d suddenly remember something and break out into a grin without realizing it.

This moment—this was what Aris loved the most.

The feeling of flipping through pages as entire worlds unfolded before her eyes.

Words turned into vivid images in her mind, carrying her far away to boundless horizons.

Normally, she would be so absorbed in her books that every other thought would fade into nothingness.

But today was different.

“Hehe…”

Another laugh slipped out.

Maybe it was getting annoying, because an irritated voice cut through the room.

『You’re being noisy. Stop grinning and turn the page already. You finished that part ages ago.』

Aris froze.

No one else was in the room.

The voice hadn’t come from outside—it had come from within.

‘Ah, sorry. I’ll keep reading.’

Aris quickly skimmed the rest of the page and flipped it.

Her mind quieted as she focused, reminding herself that reading deserved her full attention.

It was the least she could do to respect the author who’d created these worlds.

“Heheh…”

But before she knew it, she was smiling again.

Aris swayed in her seat, twisting her hair around her fingers.

『Oh, come on.』

The voice groaned, exasperated.

『What’s with you? What’s got you so excited?』

‘Hehe, it’s just… It’s been so long since I talked to someone else.’

『What? You talk to me every day.』

‘But you’re me, Frey. I mean talking to someone else. It’s been years, hasn’t it? Feels like forever.’

Frey was always the one who spoke on Aris’s behalf when she needed to communicate with others.

Aris would retreat to the back of her mind, leaving Frey in control of her body.

It had been that way ever since Aris stopped being alone.

Today had been no different—at first.

When Lucia spoke to her, Aris instinctively tried to hand over control to Frey like always…

‘But then, you told me not to run away anymore. You said I should face people myself this time. Hehe, I did pretty well, didn’t I? I stuttered a lot, but I think it was a good first step.’

『For your first try? Yeah, you did okay.』

Frey’s tone was nonchalant, but deep down, she was a little proud.

Still, getting this giddy over a short conversation?

Aris had a long way to go.

‘Lucia… she was nice. She made sure I wasn’t hurt when I fell and helped me carry my books to the dorm…’

『She seemed scatterbrained. Kind of like you.』

‘Hey, Frey. I… I want to get closer to Lucia.’

『Good luck with that.』

Aris hesitated at Frey’s lukewarm response and then carefully added,

‘I stutter a lot, though… What if she doesn’t like that? Frey, can you—’

『No.』

Frey cut her off immediately.

She let out a long sigh—not that she actually could, since Aris still controlled the body.

『What did I tell you? It’s time you started taking care of this yourself.』

‘But…’

『No buts, Aris. You were so happy just now about talking to her yourself. And now you want me to do it for you? Would that really make you happy?』

Aris’s shoulders slumped.

Frey wasn’t wrong—every word hit home.

But after relying on Frey for so many years, making friends on her own felt impossibly hard.

‘What if I disappoint her? I mean, I’m not smart, I stutter, and…’

『You’ll be fine. You’re cute, Aris. Just smile, and she’ll fall for it.’

‘W-what?’

『If that’s too hard, then… hmm. How about this—recommend her some books?』

‘Books?’

『Yeah. She was in the library, so she probably likes books, right? Not as much as we do, obviously, but still. Pick out a few good ones and use that as an excuse to talk to her. Easy, right?』

Aris blinked.

Books? Recommending books?

That was something she could do.

She’d read so many genres, so many masterpieces.

She didn’t know what kind of books Lucia liked, but with so many options, there had to be something Lucia would enjoy.

『It’s easier to talk when you have a shared hobby. People bond over common interests. So, how about it? Feel a little more motivated now?』

“Y-yeah!”

Aris nodded, even answering aloud for once.

Maybe Frey liked her enthusiasm, because her voice softened a little.

『First times are always the hardest. Don’t wait for her to come to you—go to her yourself. I’ll back you up if you need it, so don’t get discouraged.』

“O-okay. I-I’ll d-do it.”

Aris clenched her fists, trying to summon as much determination as she could.

Frey held back her worries.

It’d be fine.

If Lucia had been a guy, Frey would’ve shut this down immediately.

Aris was too naïve to handle men just yet.

But another girl?

Someone who had the presence of mind to help someone who’d fallen?

That should be okay… right?

If not, Frey already knew what she’d do.

If that Lucia girl turned out to be the type to take advantage of innocent Aris…

『I’ll bury her.』

‘Huh? What’d you say?’

『Nothing. Don’t worry about it.』

Meanwhile, Aris was already digging through her mountain of books, searching for the perfect ones to recommend to Lucia.

Frey watched her quietly, swallowing a mix of anticipation and unease.

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