“Donadonadonaaadooonaaa...”

“Geez, Aqua! Will you quit it with that weird song already? It’s bad enough that we’re dragging a girl huddled in a cage through the middle of town... And why are you still in there, anyway? We’re back. It’s safe now. Come out.”

“No. This cage is my sanctuary... The outside world is scary. I’m gonna stay in here for now...”

Our horse pulled the cage, where Aqua had apparently decided to take up permanent residence.

People tried their best to look at us without looking at us as we made our way through town, back to the Guild Hall.

Even with a horse-drawn cage (seeing as Aqua was refusing to walk), our progress was slow.

True, one of our number had been severely traumatized—again—but otherwise there was no visible damage to anyone. As eager as we were to try out our gear and our magic, an uneventful quest was still the best quest.

For us, it was unusual to have an assignment end so...neatly.

Maybe it was my fault for thinking something that pretty much begged for another event flag.

“M-my Lady? My Lady Goddess, it is you, isn’t it! Good heavens! What has

|”

brought you to this state?

A man ran up and grabbed the bars of Aqua’s cage. Those bars had withstood the diligent attentions of a swarm of Brutal Alligators, but this man bent them easily, extending a hand to Aqua.

The stranger cast a sidelong glance at me and Megumin, both of us standing there dumbly. He reached out to the equally vacant Aqua, and...

“Aren't you being a little forward with my friend? Exactly who are you? You seem to know Aqua, but she certainly doesn’t seem to know you.”

Darkness moved in on the man as he made to take Aqua’s hand.

She seemed nothing like the girl who’d looked enviously at the caged goddess being assailed by alligators. Now she was a Crusader, a shield, unabashedly protecting her friend.

...What if | could get her to act this way all the time...?

The man gave Darkness a look, sighed, and shook his head. His expression said, | don’t want any trouble, but it seems trouble wants me. Darkness, usually so reserved, looked openly angered by the man’s attitude.

Things were getting tense. | whispered to Aqua, who’d still made no move to get out of the cage:

“Hey, this guy’s your buddy, right? He knows you’re a goddess and everything. Do something about him!”

For just an instant, Aqua looked at me with a confused but genuine expression.

“..Oh! Goddess! Right, I’m a goddess. So? You want me to handle this situation? Leave it to the goddess...”

She finally wormed her way out of the cage.

.. She didn’t really forget she’s a goddess, right? Aqua, now free, gave the stranger a quizzical look. “Who are you?”

Wait, they don’t know each other after all?!

Wait again! Maybe they did.

The guy looked awfully surprised, for his part. Chances were, Aqua had just forgotten who he was.

“What do you mean, who am I, My Lady?! It is |, Kyouya Mitsurugi! You gave me the magical sword Gram?”

Aqua said nothing, only looked even more confused. |, however, had a sudden thought.

His name sounded like it could have come straight out of an anime, but it was also obviously Japanese. He must have been one of the people who’d run into Aqua before | did.

He seemed very upstanding, and his shock of brown hair made him, actually, pretty handsome. He wore shimmering blue armor that looked very expensive, and a black scabbard hung at his waist.

Two attractive women stood behind him. One carried a spear and seemed to be a warrior; the other wore leather armor with a dagger at her hip.

This Mitsurugi seemed to be about my age. But unlike me, he looked like... well, he looked like the hero of a manga.

“Oh! Yes! | remember you! I’m sorry. I’ve sent so many people here, it’s hard to keep track of them all.”

Between us, Mitsurugi and | had finally managed to ignite a spark of recognition in Aqua.

Mitsurugi gave Aqua a slightly strained smile. “I-it’s been a long time, Lady Aqua. I’m doing everything | can to complete the mission you gave me. I’m a Sword Master now, Level 37. But...why are you here, milady? And in a cage?” He glanced suspiciously at the rest of us.

| could just see it: Aqua sending this guy off with a song and dance about You are a hero, chosen for a task... Blah, blah, blah.

She may have totally forgotten he existed, but | knew all too well the sorts of ridiculous things she’d probably said to him.

Wait a second... Mitsurugi probably thought / put Aqua in that cage.

| guess that would be the obvious conclusion to draw from this scene. What were the chances he’d believe me if | told him Aqua had wanted to stay there?

Heck, / wouldn’t believe me. Who knew such a messed-up goddess even existed?

So | explained to Mitsurugi, as clearly as | could, how Aqua and | had wound up here together, and...

“Ridiculous. Impossible! What were you thinking?! Bringing a goddess to this world! And then putting her in a cage and leaving her in a lake?!”

Mitsurugi, enraged, had me by the collar. In a panic, Aqua tried to intervene.

“N-n-now just a minute! | have a pretty good life here! It doesn’t really bother me anymore that he dragged me here, okay? And | can go home if | just defeat the Demon King! Just like our quest today—| was terrified, sure, but in the end we did it and no one got hurt! And the reward is three hundred thousand! And

|”

they said | could keep all of it Mitsurugi gave Aqua a look of pity.

“Lady Aqua, | don’t know what this man did to win you to his side, but your treatment is unjust! All the danger you went through, for a mere three hundred thousand eris? You’re a goddess! Is this what you’ve been reduced to? ...Say, what inn are you staying at?”

| thought we were trying to avoid saying Aqua was a goddess, but Mitsurugi looked pretty worked up, so | kept my mouth shut. He certainly wasn’t keeping his shut, though, saying “goddess” every chance he got.

Some goddess. Mitsurugi clearly didn’t know who he was dealing with.

Aqua answered his question hesitantly.

“\-it’s not an inn we’re all staying at. It’s m-more of a...stable.” “What?!” Mitsurugi’s grip tightened.

H-hey! That hurts!

Darkness grasped Mitsurugi’s other arm.

“| think it’s time you let go of my friend. | warn you, grabbing the neck of a man you’ve just met is not the way to make a good first impression.”

Usually the only time Darkness talked was when she had something dumb to say, but now she was uncharacteristically angry. | glanced at Megumin and realized she, too, was raising her newly made staff and beginning the chant for Explo—Waitasecond! Stop that!

Mitsurugi let me go and looked at Darkness and Megumin with great interest. “A Crusader and an Arch-wizard? And rather fetching ones at that. It seems you've been blessed with fine party members. All the more reason, then, that you should be ashamed of yourself. Forcing Lady Aqua and these fine-looking people to sleep in a stable! If | understand correctly, you’re an Adventurer, the lowest class.”

Hearing him tell it, even / started to think | was pretty lucky. Was that how other people saw me?

| whispered to Aqua: “Hey, | thought most adventurers slept in stables around here. Isn’t that just how it goes? Why is this guy so upset?”

“| gave him a magic sword as an incentive to come here,” she said, “so he’s been able to take high-level quests from the start. He’s probably never been poor here... Well, that’s how it is with most people who have been granted special abilities or equipment.”

Unexpectedly, | found myself boiling at Aqua’s words. This kid had never had to work for anything here just because he started out with some enchanted sword, and he was lecturing me? Me, who’d had to work for everything | had!

Mitsurugi, totally oblivious to my rage, was giving the girls pitying smiles, like he thought that was showing them sympathy.

“Looks like you girls have had a rough time of it. Well, you can stick with me now. | won’t let you sleep in any stable, that’s for sure. I’ll get you the best gear. And the party’s balance will be perfect with you! We’ll have me, a Sword Master, and my companion, a Warrior, along with you, a Crusader. And on the other hand, my Thief friend here will pair perfectly with this Arch-wizard. And

|”

we'll have Lady Aqua, of course. You couldn’t ask for a more balanced group Excuse me, | didn’t hear my name anywhere in there. Not that I’d want to join this lug’s party.

Mitsurugi’s attempt to poach my entire group sent my companions into a whispering huddle. He might be a self-centered moron with a messiah complex, but it was still a pretty good offer. It would certainly give Aqua a better chance of achieving her dream of defeating the Demon King. That’s what she needed to do to get home, after all. | may have been the one who brought her here, but presumably she could get back no matter who took care of the Big Bad.

| crept up behind them, sure they wouldn’t go unmoved by the possibilities.

“Geez, this guy is dangerous—| mean trouble. Did you see the way he just assumed we’d come with him? What a narcissist. He’s kinda scary.”

“| don’t understand this feeling. | usually like to take the punishment, but for the first time, | want to dish it out instead.”

“Can | blast him? Ooh, how | want to put an Explosion right in his coddled face!”

Wow, Mitsurugi, buddy. Rave reviews. Aqua tugged on my sleeve.

“Come on, Kazuma, let’s get back to the Guild. | may have given that kid a sword, but | don’t think | want to give him any more of my time.”

| was sort of hoping for the opportunity to sock him one before we left, but Aqua was probably right. Discretion would be the better part of valor.

“Well, it looks like all my party members are happy where they are. Thanks anyway! If you don’t mind, we’ve got a completed quest to report...”

And, with the horse pulling the cage behind it, we made to leave.

“Could you maybe get out of the way?” | said in annoyance. Mitsurugi was standing directly in front of me.

Some people just didn’t know how to take a hint.

“I’m sorry, but Lady Aqua gave me the magic sword Gram, and | cannot allow her to remain in these conditions. You cannot save this world. | will be the one to defeat the Demon King. Lady Aqua must come with me.” He paused. “You claim that what you chose to bring to this world was Lady Aqua herself, yes?”

“Sure do.” I'd read enough manga to know what was coming next. He would say—

“In that case, fight me for her. You brought her here like chattel? Well, wager her like it! If | win, relinquish Lady Aqua to me. If you win, | will heed any one thing you ask.”

“All right, you’re on! Let’s go!” Just as I’d expected.

I'd had enough of this guy. | didn’t wait for a countdown or a signal—| flew at him.

| held out the palm of my left hand toward him, pulling out my short sword, sheathe and all, with my right.

Victory goes to the decisive—and all’s fair in war!

What was dirtier? A surprise attack? Or a high-level Sword Master with a magic blade challenging a cash-strapped Adventurer to a duel?

| was pretty sure Mitsurugi wasn’t expecting me to jump on him even as | answered.

“Wha—? Whoa! Wait—!”

Despite his consternation, though, he was still an experienced adventurer. In a flash, he’d drawn his sword and held it up lengthwise to block me.

As my short sword rang off his blade, | reached out with my left hand and— “Steal!!”

As | shouted, | could feel the weight of a sword fill my hand.

The blade that had been holding back my dagger was suddenly gone from Mitsurugi’s hand.

“Huh?” came a chorus of confused voices. | didn’t know who they belonged to. Maybe everyone but me.

Mitsurugi had no way to answer my Steal gambit, and with nothing left between us, | slammed my short sword into his head.

“That was a dirty trick! You’re a dirty trickster! You rotten, cheating—!” “You’re the worst! You’re a low-down, dirty scoundrel! Fight fair!”

Mitsurugi’s two companions were busy berating me, but | only listened to them with amusement.

I'd kept my sword sheathed, but it was a pretty heavy piece of equipment, and Mitsurugi had taken a pretty good whack. He was lolling on the ground, his eyes rolled up to the whites.

| declared to his followers:

“So that means | win. He said he’d do any one thing | asked, right? Well, | think I’m gonna ask him to give me this sword.”

One of the girls said indignantly:

“Wha...?! D-don’t be ridiculous! You can’t have that! And anyway, only Kyouya can use that sword. Magic blades choose their own masters, and this one has already chosen Kyouya. It won’t help you!”

Gee, she sounded so sure of herself. | turned to Aqua.

“Is she right? | can’t use this weapon? And here | thought I’d finally gotten a serious item.”

“Sorry to say, she’s telling the truth. Gram belongs to that beat-up punk over there. Gram’s master can equip it to gain superhuman power, a sword that can cut through stone or steel as easily as butter. But if you equipped it, Kazuma, it’d be just a normal sword.”

Aww, man... Well, | worked hard for it. Maybe | ought to take it anyway.

“Okay. Well, when he wakes up, remind him that he started this, so he doesn’t get to be upset about it. Come on, Aqua, let’s hit the Guild and make Our report.”

| turned to go, but Mitsurugi’s girls raised their weapons.

“H-h-hold it right there!”

“Give back Kyouya’s sword. We refuse to acknowledge your victory!” | stretched out my left hand toward the two girls, palm out.

“Fine. | don’t discriminate. I’m perfectly happy to beat up a couple of girls. Don’t expect me to hold back. For that matter, remember we’re out in public here. And there’s no telling what | might Steal...”

The two of them looked at my hand and backed up a little, distinctly uneasy. Perhaps they’d realized how much danger they were in.

“Ergh...” | could hear my party say together.

| admit, | was sorry they had to see me like that.

We finally made it back to the Guild Hall, dragging the borrowed cage.

Since we’d decided to give Aqua the whole reward, | let her and the others take care of the report, while | returned the horse and dropped off my “magic” sword somewhere | could retrieve it easily. At last | came to the Guild entrance, where...

“But whyyyy?!”

..| could hear Aqua’s petulant wail. She just couldn’t be happy until she’d caused a scene.

As | came inside, | saw a tearful Aqua clutching the clerk.

“| told you, I’m not the one who broke your cage! A guy named Mitsurugi did it! Why do / have to pay for it?!”

Oh, yeah. | guess he did break open the cage trying to “help” Aqua. Now she was left with the bill. After a bit more struggling, she seemed to accept the fact, took her reward, and trudged back to our table.

“After the price of the cage, the reward is...a hundred thousand eris. They said the cage was made of special metals via an arcane ritual, so it was worth two hundred thousand...”

| couldn’t help but feel for her. She was certainly clear on her feelings about Mitsurugi.

“If | ever see him again, I’m gonna God Strike him so hard—! And I’m gonna make him pay me for that cage!”

Aqua sat and began flipping fiercely through the menu, grinding her teeth. As far as | was concerned, if we ever saw him again, it would be too soon. And then, as Aqua was still muttering angrily...

“So this is where you’ve been hiding—Kazuma Satou!”

Well, speak of the devil. Mitsurugi and his two hangers-on were standing in the doorway of the Guild Hall.

Mitsurugi—to whom | had not told my full name—strode over to our table and slammed his fist against it.

“Kazuma Satou! A certain young female Thief was only too happy to tell me about you—about how you are a panty-stealing devil! And your predilection for covering girls in slime is known in many quarters. They call you Kazuma the Cur!”

“Wait, wait, wait—who’s spreading that stuff around?”

| had a pretty good idea who the Thief was—it was the other rumors | was concerned about.

Some people in some shadowy corners were calling me a “cur”? Telling all kinds of stories about me?!

Mitsurugi approached me, his face serious—but in a single motion, Aqua stood between the two of us.

“..Lady Aqua. | vow to regain my magic blade from this man and defeat the Demon King. So, please... Please... Join my partyyyaaaargh “What?! Kyouya!” Without a word, Aqua decked Mitsurugi and sent him flying.

Mitsurugi’s two companions rushed over to where he lay crumpled on the floor.

He didn’t seem to understand why Aqua had punched him. Aqua, for her part, briskly walked up to him and grabbed him by the collar.

“They charged me for that cage you ruined! You had better pay me back! Three hundred grand! Did you know that cage was made of special metals and —and arcane rituals? It was expensive! Now pay up!”

Hadn’t she said it was worth two hundred thousand?

Mitsurugi—nursing a quickly forming bruise, sitting on his butt after having been punched, and overawed by Aqua’s onslaught—politely got out his wallet and gave her the money.

Aqua took the cash and then opened a menu, looking quite pleased with herself.

Mitsurugi had collected himself by that point. Clearly frustrated with Aqua, who was happily holding the menu in one hand and gesturing for a waiter with the other, he said to me in a voice heavy with regret: “Even if your methods were dishonorable, a loss is a loss. And | said | would give you anything you asked, so | know what | am about to say may seem outrageous...but...1 beg you! Will you not return my magic sword? It is of no special use to you. If you wield it, it will cut no better, strike no harder, than any weapon here... What do you say? If you want a sword, I'll buy you the best one in the shop. So will you not give back my precious Gram?”

He was right. That was outrageous.

After all, as useless as she may be, Aqua was what I’d chosen to bring with me to this world. In other words, she was to me what the magic sword was to him. (Was she actually worth as much as a magic sword? Don’t ask.) “What, you think it wouldn’t have been inexcusable to wager me against some non-magic sword? Or are you trying to say I’m worth only as much as the most expensive sword here? Some honor! What were you even thinking, asking someone to wager a goddess?! I’m tired of looking at you. Shoo! Shoo!”

Mitsurugi paled as Aqua waved the menu at him dismissively.

Well, | could hardly blame her for being upset—he was the one who’d come up with the whole idea of a bet to begin with.

“L-L-Lady Aqua, wait! By no means do | undervalue you—!”

Mitsurugi was distracted in his panic by Megumin, who gave a sharp tug on his sleeve.

“Huh? Ahem—can | help you, little girl...?”

Megumin pointed at me.

Specifically, at my waist.

“First, note that he is no longer wearing the magic sword.”

Noticing for the first time that the sword wasn’t at my hip, Mitsurugi almost choked.

“K-Kazuma Satou! Where is Gram? What have you done with my sword?!”

He clung to me, sweat running down his face. | had two words for him: “Sold it.” “Damn it allllIl!”

Mitsurugi dashed from the Guild Hall, weeping.

“Sheesh, what’s with him, anyway?” It was shortly after Mitsurugi had fled the hall. Darkness approached Aqua, the room’s curiosity aroused by the commotion. “And...he keeps calling you a goddess, Aqua. What does he mean by that?”

Well, he said it so many times, | guess someone was bound to ask.

We’d made it this far, though. Maybe it was time to come clean with Megumin and Darkness.

| looked at Aqua, and she nodded as if she understood. Then she turned to Darkness and Megumin with an uncharacteristically serious expression. Picking up on Aqua’s attitude, the two of them listened just as gravely.

“I’ve been keeping this to myself, but | can tell you two. | am Aqua—the water deity worshipped by the Axis Church. It’s true! I—even I—am the goddess Aqua!”

“What was this, a dream you had?” they responded together. “No, it wasn’t! Why did you say that in unison, anyway?”

| guess that’s about what you could expect...

That was when it happened.

“Urgent! Urgent! All adventurers, please equip your weapons and items and

|”

prepare for battle at the town gate

The familiar sound of an emergency announcement echoed through the streets.

“Again? Sure seems like we’ve had a lot of those lately.” Did we have to go?

| guess we did. It was just such a pain, right after dealing with Mitsurugi and all...

| dragged myself up from the table.

“Urgent! Urgent! All adventurers, please equip your weapons and items and prepare for battle at the town gate! ...Will Adventurer Kazuma Satou and his party in particular please hurry?”

“...What?”

Aww, man...what now?