Five years ago, he had brutally abandoned her, a brutal mistake that no excuse could ever explain or cover up.

Yet despite knowing the whole story, he never made any apologies to her. He willingly chose to remain silent.

He acknowledged his mistake but did not ask for forgiveness. If he was going to admit and apologize, he would have to listen to whatever she wished, and that wish was probably to be freed from him. 

Every time he was faced with glimpses of her sincerity, even when she seemed to be obediently following his orders, so he hardened his heart. 

The same thing happened the night he one-sidedly announced their engagement in order to put the shackles around her ankles. His heart burned as he recalled the furious anger and the look in her eyes that shoved him out of her way.

Apart from that, he also understood Rowena’s standpoint. She had every right to be angry and to push him away.

But that was not the case, Rowena did the exact opposite! Previously, she would have lost her temper and rebelled against him, but now she was quick to obey and now meekly preparing for the engagement ceremony. This, in turn, made him uneasy and uncomfortable, and he tightened his hold on her even more. 

In the past, he could read her thoughts just by looking at her face, but now he had no clue what was going on in her mind. On the surface, she was obedient, but he wondered what she might be thinking on the inside.

He wanted to enter into the dreams of the sleeping woman. He wanted to know what kind of feelings she was having inside? what kind of feelings she was having when looking at him? and how long she was going to hide his child’s existence from him? What can he do to completely erase the past five years ago?

As he silently watched the woman, Rowena’s lips pursed, and as he reflexively leaned in closer to her with his ear, he froze to what he heard.

“I’m sorry, Damian… Damian…”

“……..”

“For having ……, a woman like me…. As your mother…sorry ……..”

A tear streamed down her cheek as she regained her steady breath at the cold temperature of his touch. At the same time, an unknown intense pain made Killian grab the left side of his chest. The pain was incomparable to the pain that hit him earlier. It felt as if someone was ripping his heart out with a sharp dagger.

“Rowena.”

She slowly opened her eyes at the sound of someone calling her name. Killian looked at her long, tear-stained lashes and her damp eyes that had crying marks. The dazed green irises looked up at him, as though she might have awakened fully from her slumber.

“Killian.”

“…….”

I hate you.”

“…… I know that.”

The pain grew more intense than before, and Killian barely managed to keep his expression composed.

“No, You don’t know. You wouldn’t know.”

“Then tell me. How much do you hate me?

“No.”

Convinced it was a dream, Rowena declared firmly, then pushed away his hand that was wiping her tears and turned to lie down on the opposite side.

Killian’s left arm twitched slightly as he brushed aside her messy blonde hair. He then gripped his arm with his right hand and let out a groan. He casually ignored  Jenok’s words, but the cycles between the pain were getting shorter and the suffering was getting worse. Killian steadied his breathing and waited for the agony to ease.

He could not leave this country, this castle, this woman. Not until he could legally and completely tie her to his side forever.