Chapter 31: What I didn’t know

Once Rishe spoke, Arnold’s face twisted.

His gaze turned terribly violent. She should have spurned and shunned him at this point, yet Rishe looked straight at those blue eyes.

For some time, their eyes fought for supremacy.

What he spun next were these words.

“What the heck is the basis of your resolve?”

Rishe failed to understand the truth of the question.

“What resolve?”

“You have that look in your eyes sometimes. – Identical to the eyes of someone on the battlefield.”

It was as if he could see through her pasts.

Unable to reply immediately, Rishe shut her mouth. Arnold’s hand slipped away from her neck.

In turn, he touched her, this time to her cheek.

Arnold grazed the nape of Rishe’s neck with his thumb and looked straight into her eyes.

“You have the eyes of someone who has made up his mind to die here to stick to this faith, and yet, has not given up on life and would fight his fate until the very end. Such is the look of a human being.”

For some reason, Rishe couldn’t move and just looked up at Arnold the whole time. The moonlight that filtered through the stained glass cast the shadows of his eyelashes on his cheeks.

Through Rishe’s eyes, Arnold felt as if he was looking at a distant war, or of those who once wielded the sword themselves.

“When I had to kill someone was the most terrifying moment on the battlefield.”

“…”

So he had things that scared him too.

But thinking about it, it was a given. Rishe already knew that the man in front of him was not a ruthless, cold-blooded killer.

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No matter what the future or the past might be.

“I…” Rishe murmured quietly.

“I sometimes think, I maybe not of this world anymore.”

It was a confession out of context; she could say so herself.

Even knowing that it wasn’t a reply to his question, she still said it. Despite this, Arnold remained silent as he waited for the rest of her story.

Feeling prompted, Rishe wove a little more, throwing in a few lies here and there, because she couldn’t just confide in him the truth.

“I have dreamed six times in the past that I was killed. I’ve woken up from that dream and found that I’m still here alive. And yet, sometimes I get very scared.”

“What do you mean you’re scared?”

“The truth is, I’ve been wondering if I was already dead; if my life had ended at that moment, and if the world I’m living in now is but a long dream I’m having after death.”

As she spoke, Rishe was inwardly confused, truly puzzled.

What am I saying?

I never knew I felt this way.

But not that Rishe thought about it, she has been frightened somewhere all along.

She didn’t want to die this time around. She wanted to do her best to survive. This was Rishe’s main goal in her seventh lifetime.

But it was also the same in the past.

For the 2nd and 3rd time, she struggled for survival. Even the 5th and 6th times she tried, but she still died a noble death without accomplishing it.

This fact has always lingered in the back of her mind.

Regardless of her efforts, she might still be killed again five years later.

In the first place, this world that Rishe was living in might not be real.

When her thoughts started flowing in that direction, she consciously stopped herself.

No.

Rishe looked down and quietly meditated on it.

Then she told herself.

So what if I’m scared? — If there’s fear in me, I’ll buck it and move forward.

The longer they stood still, the more dreadful things crept up behind her.

Rishe raised her head and looked at Arnold again.

“But still, I made up my mind that even if this life is only a dream, no matter how it ends, I won’t run away.”

“Rishe.”

“What I have now is nothing so grand as Your Highness says. I’m only prepared to live this life as your wife.”

She was certain that even if she were to be reborn again, she would never reach this fate again.

In a time loop, Rishe was well aware how hard it was to replicate the exact same flow of life as that in other lives.

Since she knew it, she must face it with all her might.

To stop the war. To survive.

Consequently.

Perhaps, she could do something for Arnold, who might not have wanted that kind of future.

“That’s why I want to get to know you.”

“Hahaha.”

A sneer escaped him upon hearing her declaration. His hand, which had been on her cheek, now caught Rishe’s jaw.

And in the next moment.

“――……”

Something soft touched her lips.

Rishe gasped, unsure of what had happened.

After a few seconds that stretched like eternity, Arnold’s lips, which were resting on top of hers, left. What sounded next was a soft whisper.

“You’re an idiot.”

His gaze harbored something akin to helplessness.

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His voice was so gentle, as if he was persuading a child, but at the same time, exuding something like loneliness.

“You don’t have to be prepared to be my wife.”