In the hometown of Yuri Lannister, there was a hill behind the village where flowers bloomed beautifully, and the young girl loved playing there.

Neither the villagers nor her friends knew of such a lovely garden. Perhaps it was Yuri’s secret hideout.

While enjoying the fragrance of the flowers and making garlands to play with.

At some point, a woman in pure white appeared in the flower garden. Young Yuri was initially frightened, but soon opened her heart to the woman’s kind smile and voice.

“I followed her, calling her ‘sister.'”

The woman in white shared bittersweet tales of love from the outside world, and Yuri told her about the trivial, small happenings in the village.

The woman delighted in even the minor stories of children playing soldier, never dismissing Yuri as just a child, but listening attentively.

She asked to keep her existence a secret, and Yuri agreed. She was Yuri’s secret friend, after all.

A secret friend in a secret hideout, enough to thrill a young heart.

Surprisingly, she was a ‘succubus from the outside.’ The village elders had warned that an outsider succubus was extremely dangerous and must be reported immediately, but…

They never explained why, and to Yuri, she didn’t seem like a bad person.

The white woman said she too had been persecuted and ostracized by other succubi, driven out in search of a place to stay, weeping.

Yuri reassured her that her village was a good place where humans and dream demons lived together in harmony.

Then she said—

“…I would like to be introduced to the villagers,” she said.

But she was afraid they might not accept her and pleaded for a chance to meet them in their dreams.

Visiting in dreams wasn’t strange for Yuri and her friends. “Come and get some of the mashed potatoes my mom made too much of today.” They would whisper such news in a friend’s dream.

So…

Yuri lit the candle given by the woman in white and left the window open.

The mental barrier the villagers had created to protect against the succubus queen’s pursuit became powerless against a door opened from the inside.

What happened next was predictable.

“The village collapsed in an instant.”

The light of that day flickered in Yuri Lannister’s eyes. The anguish of watching her village die due to the queen’s trickery, and the intense, glowing red anger she felt, having survived alone.

The queen had incited the village succubi to run amok. Keeping their consciousness clear while unlocking their instinctual lust, making it uncontrollable.

“Neighbors violated neighbors, friends violated friends, and those exploited died… The succubi who had killed their own villagers by their hands, ended their own lives.”

But Yuri was spared.

“Thank you for inviting me,” she said, ensuring Yuri was unharmed down to her fingertips. “It’s bad to harm yourself,” she said, preventing self-destruction by fixing her mind.

When Yuri cried out asking why, the queen answered all too lightly.

In a distant mountain village, it is said there lives a succubus who coexists with humans. Isn’t it strange? That a being like me could possess a heart… So, I tested it, just a little.”

With mere enchantment, it came to this. Indeed, a nightmare should live as a nightmare, the queen advised Yuri kindly.

“So you’re saying, forget about trivial emotions and live by instinct? Devouring plenty of humans.”

“aaah──!!”

Young Yuri swore then and there.

If everyone died because of me, and I can’t die in turn.

This sinful life that accidentally killed all the villagers, let’s use it to slaughter the queen. Even if I die, let’s kill her. If I can’t even do that, I have no face to see my friends and family again…

—

Yuri Lancer, sinking into darkness, spoke calmly.

“I’ve decided to focus on revenge. And at some point, I thought the heart was too heavy. So, I decided to sink it.”

Ignore it. Pluck out all the emotions that bloom unnecessarily and throw them into the lake below.

Happiness, affection, friendship, and belonging, ethics, and morals, all the good things, down below. I don’t deserve to enjoy them.

Pain, sorrow, loneliness, and guilt, down below. I don’t have time to be tied to them.

I shall make anger the only guide in life.

Thus, her fable does not bind and sink anger.

“Still, when you met me, you were playful and relaxed.”

“It was thanks to C. She must have wanted me to let go of revenge. The queen is elusive and uncatchable. Unless some genius appears and develops a wide-area detection magic, tracking and assassinating the queen is extremely difficult… she said.”

It was true. The Defense Agency did not neglect to gather information on the queen, but never reaped significant results. It was unclear whether she was alive or dead.

Therefore, C persuaded Yuri as follows.

If revenge is unattainable from the start, perhaps it’s better to find another way to atone for the villagers. For instance, living happily.

Exhausted Yuri Lancer softened little by little. Very slowly.

She moved from the Annihilation Squad to a field agent of the Defense Agency, shed the wild wolf’s guise, and slowly melted away the anger.

She reflects.

“Perhaps, I just needed an excuse to run away from the guilt. If I were truly strong-hearted, I wouldn’t have given up on revenge under any circumstances.”

“Don’t say that. It hurts.”

“Well, we are connected now. My apologies.”

“No, it would have hurt even if we weren’t connected like this. And it wasn’t your fault.”

Thank you. And with that, Yuri smiled as if grateful for the sentiment alone.

What rekindled the slowly cooling anger of Yuri Lancer was information about the queen. Brought by none other than me.

There was a genius magician capable of a head-on information battle with the queen.

After beheading the dark sorcerer and foolishly capturing a succubus, Yuri Lannister finally got her chance for revenge.

Since ‘impossibility’ was the reason she gave up on vengeance, now that it became possible, she had nowhere to run. Yuri had to make a choice, and so…

Was it my guilt she felt? Yuri cut me off sharply. It’s not your fault, she said.

“You didn’t egg me on. Mad sorcerer. It was my choice.”

“Still, I should have known earlier.”

I should have kept the queen’s woman from spilling out, dealt with it alone… No. Then I might have ended up stuck like Yuri.

“There was a chance. It’s because that crazy woman brought something strange.”

“Talking big after being thrashed…”

“You’ve been through it too, haven’t you? Acting all dumbfounded in my form.”

“Well then, you shouldn’t have been born pretty!”

—

“So, what about you?”

“Me?”

Yuri Lannister nodded. I couldn’t quite grasp what she was asking, so I tilted my head and quietly observed her.

Just as much as I wondered about her past, as much as I wondered why she chose revenge over me… It seemed she had something to say to me too.

“Why won’t you accept the Tower Master’s heart?”

“What…”

I had to shrink back at the blow that struck deep within me. But somehow, the fact that my life was hanging by a thread eased the tension a bit.

What’s there to hold back when you’re dying, right?

As I comforted myself, Yuri Lannister began to unravel her questions with words. Her doubts about the character known as the ‘mad sorcerer.’

“I can understand. Our kind is demonic, our time together short, and it felt more like friendship than lovers. But the Tower Master is different, isn’t he?”

“…”

“Not pretending to be unaware, showing signs of knowing, yet harboring feelings for the Tower Master and still… Why won’t you move beyond that relationship?”

Would it be because I don’t know love?

“Are you the one who knows so well how to seduce men disguised as a woman? If you really didn’t know, I’d have to assume you were born a succubus.”

“…”

“That’s why I teased you. That confession line was cheesy, but it was all fake anyway.”

It wasn’t a lie. But it wasn’t the truth either. It’s a funny story to say that someone who staged love at every opportunity in the session didn’t know how it worked.

To care for each other, to feel those emotions, to suppress desires, to feel anxious without the other… I know. I knew it.

But I stopped it.

“It’s not that I lack the ability, nor is it that the circumstances don’t support me. If it’s not that you dislike the Tower Master then… what is it? Playing hard to get?”

“No.”

“Or is there something that takes precedence over feelings? But even that’s strange. You came to save me, putting everything else aside, even risking your life.”

“…Yes, I did.”

If I exclude emotions, I’m the type to be swayed. Yet, at the same time, I’m using all means to suppress them. It’s not unreasonable to find this strange.

The reason I’ve been suppressing myself is simple.

Because I’m mad.

—

It’s a long-standing illness that comes with not being able to remember names.

To be honest, I enjoy seeing people in pain. It gives me a spine-tingling thrill. It’s a deep-rooted malignancy.

I like stories where lovers part due to tragic fates.

I like stories where one must confront past wounds.

I like stories where one loses their way, crushed by their own justice.

I like stories where one awakens after losing a loved one.

I like stories filled with regret over one’s actions.

I like stories where one loses a dear friend after a fierce battle.

I’ve filled most of my stories with tragedy. Adversity and hardship are always necessary… or so I’ve packaged it, but it didn’t necessarily have to take the form of permanent loss. Yet, I did it.

They didn’t need to believe these stories were real. But I made them believe. I wanted to see their pain, deeply immersed in it.

I looked into people’s hearts, stabbed at their tender, vulnerable parts. Then, as if doing them a favor, I sprinkled medicine and said this:

Overcome it.

It was a trial for you.

But deep down, I knew. I did it just… for fun. I made it so enjoyable that even players I saw for the first time would become deeply attached.

There’s a devil who laughs and chatters while watching others’ tragedies.

I was afraid of that. Afraid of my own heart. I could love properly, respect, and empathize… but on the other hand, I was terrified of the duality that could mock all those things.

It felt as if someone had grafted a very evil thing onto my desire. No matter how much I shouted that it wasn’t me, I couldn’t deny that we had become one.

I did it to princes and princesses who clutched power. I did it to students I had to teach. Maybe I felt an anxiety that I couldn’t control it.

No, I felt threatened.

That the arrow might turn towards the people I like.

For Yuna, who loves me… that one day I might break her with my own hands and laugh!

One day, looking at the notebook I use, I see a terrifying plan written in my handwriting. It’s densely packed, subtly asking, what if it were actually carried out, not just a petty fantasy?

I try to create a competitive atmosphere among students, sharpen my mind by chance, and wonder when they will break apart and shatter like fragile glass.

And, and… …

At some point, I had gazed at Yuna’s neck, which was resting on my knee, fast asleep. I felt like I had become someone else, and I continued to do so. Then, I cut my veins, a little at a time.

If I gently slap her awake, what expression will Yuna, who is about to collapse, give me? I imagined it.

I cannot accept such an ending!

I hesitated. I deliberated. I tried to soothe my wicked part, weave a tragic story, and make it beautiful. When the curtain falls, I’ll be able to laugh.

At some point, I even tried to suppress my evil nature, cast it aside, and observe how the NPCs in the story would overcome the darkness.

But look, I haven’t changed!

So, I suppressed it. I didn’t feel anything. It was like a city in my head had been pressed down to the point where it could barely breathe. But I’m still thinking about another session.

Since I reincarnated into this world, I’ve never deeply thought about emotions… no, I’ve never faced them. That’s why.

If I face them, I’ll be positive about this evil nature.

From noble mtl dot come

In reality, what’s inside my head is me, isn’t it?

Pinfelles said, and many others said.

“I won’t deny the title of ‘Crazy Mage’.”

—

A mess of a face, with black liquid dripping from it, like tears or melted information. I don’t want to distinguish between the two. I’m just scratching my skin and moaning.

With my hair grasped in both hands, Yuriranser sat beside me, looking carefully at me with a serious expression.

“Then, I’ll be delighted. The person next to me is melting away.”

“…Honestly, a little annoying.”

“…?”

No matter what, even Pinfelles, the king of the world, looked displeased. I know. Maybe I should have kept quiet. I’m a little regretful.

It would have been better to keep the bad parts to myself and end it.

But, maybe I’m dying, so it’s a will. I wanted to say it.

Yuriranser was silent for a long time… …

“Is it okay?”

“…Are you using me as a toy?”

“Of course not, that’s not okay. What I mean is that the Crazy Mage is doing well, considering it’s crazy. Well, all your stories have happy endings, don’t they?”

“…?”

I couldn’t bear the resentment and lost my temper. Yuriranser laughed, commiserating with himself. I shook my head, saying I wasn’t like that.

“In the end, the two of us… we were walking a tightrope. You between good and evil, and I between revenge and the mundane. There was a reason we became close.”

“Laughable fools can’t help but smile upon seeing each other’s faces.”

“If this is to be a will, then so be it. We’ve confessed to each other, so we can enter the grave with a clear conscience… But is that really the end?”

Yuri Lannister seemed to say with a sly expression.

If we were utterly defeated, powerless to resist… then it would be fine to end it here. But we were preparing for our last battle with the queen.

If somehow, we win that unfavorable fight and make it out into the world.

Then we’ll need what comes next. We demanded it of each other.

“You should cherish us more than your revenge. We’ll be a joy greater than the loss you feel.”

“You must face the demon inside your heart head-on. We’ll be the breakwater that keeps you from going astray. The Tower Master isn’t here, but surely, he would do the same.”

“…This doesn’t sound like a will.”

“Let’s call it the queen’s will. It’s not like she can leave one anyway.”

—

…So you accept it. Even the slightly unhinged wizard with a cracked skull.

Then. If that’s the case.

I’ve worried about being swallowed up, looking into that deep well, afraid of being dragged in by the monster within. But if you say you’ll watch over me.

Maybe it’s time to face it. My heart that I’ve only been running away from until now.

I reflected on my story. Along with the stories I’ve created.