Retrospection.

What have my footsteps been like?

—

#1: The Prince, the Flower, and the Resistance

Irid Crown, the second prince of the Empire.

He fell in a passionate love with Centra, a woman from the Resistance he met by chance.

In less than a week, he fell for her, loved her, conversed with her, experienced tragedy, and burned with emotion. And with a farewell, he put a period to their story.

I took great pleasure in his overindulgence. The thrill of toying with an imperial prince and the joy of him savoring my story released a flood of dopamine.

Though I pretended otherwise, I cannot deny the sinister and dark desire to enjoy the manipulation of human emotions at my fingertips…

It was also the moment I realized my plan for this otherworldly TRPG was not mistaken.

This is it, so much fun, I thought.

Had he been less obsessed, had he played in a more boring way, what then? Even so, I would have silently walked this hobby’s path, though perhaps more passively.

Or not. Would I… have still been obsessed with TRPGs?

Hmm.

Looking back at the first story now, I notice other parts I had merely glanced over before.

Irid Crown is a man of strong heart.

Isn’t he? He threw himself into saving the one he loved. Swept by emotions, yet he was not irrational.

It wasn’t a panic that led him to convene a think tank. He weighed the penalties of his affection and actions, shouldering them as he reached a conclusion.

Wasn’t it then that he even invited Elaine, with whom he had a falling out? Even if all the accusations against Elaine were misunderstandings, it was a significant decision from Irid’s perspective at the time.

She was seen as a ruthless woman who could kill even her own family for power, as well as being a major rival in the succession to the throne.

And at the end of all his efforts… he saved her.

Without resorting to allegory, he rescued her.

He did not let emotions consume him and taint his soul.

Even at the moment of a hundred years’ divergence, he overcame regret and frustration, moving forward for the lingering scent of rosemary in his heart.

For her future, he resolved to gift a peaceful empire a hundred years hence.

I did not know of his steadfastness, but after floundering in fear of losing Yuri Lannister and being backstabbed by the queen, I finally recognized his greatness.

What if it were me? If I were to be forever parted from her, unable to meet, unable to share warmth… it’s clear. I’d likely shatter like a broken dish.

Or be completely swept away by it, turning pitch black.

Such is the strength of a heart that bears silently.

In him, I saw the path of kings.

—

#2: A Thousand-Mile Escape

Elaine Crown, the first princess of the empire.

She met a young boy in the wasteland but… there was no love. No friendship either, and the only conflict she faced was the wedge she drove into herself. A very strange occurrence in the imperial palace.

Now I know that something that once dwelled in the first prince also resides in me. If such bizarre events exist twice in this world, that would be even more dismal.

I wanted to talk about the session, but in truth, there’s not much to say. She didn’t even glance at the things I had prepared. Ferodo or whatever, she was merely a travel companion.

In other words… neither the sweetness nor the trials I prepared became obstacles for her. That’s why… there was no fun. She didn’t agonize over it that much.

Elaine Crown is a strong woman.

Even the tragedy of her youth, she overcame with the belief that she must stand up on her own. With just a slight prick to her inflated heart, she understood and corrected her own decisiveness.

Even Roderus maintained his existing abilities and only added a few utilities, but Elaine completely removed the self-harm option from the metaphor.

Perhaps… she had always been contemplating. So with just a slight trigger, she was able to change her mind. Of all the people I’ve seen, she’s the closest to being a true stoic.

If it had been her, could she have contained it in her mind and overcome it?

The strength of a heart that breaks and overcomes.

In her, I saw the path of conquest.

—

#3: A Grudge Against the Stars

Bennett Hilton, the dark wizard.

He fell into a wicked city where the descent of an evil deity was being prepared by cultists, and together with his friends, he broke through the danger and saved the world.

There was much pain in this short paragraph. I made it so. To the three people who had to face my malice head-on, I want to offer a heartfelt apology.

It was terribly fun.

Yuna must have felt that heightened malice too. She was always worried about my fall, always watching my every move.

I don’t think it was a coincidence that Yuna launched ‘that’ removal operation just at that timing. Apart from her being inexperienced in leading the story… if she hadn’t proceeded with the plan.

How far would I have tormented the three of them?

Well. It was planned that Isak would appear riding a horse with a skull bearing Abraham’s head… or that someone had to be sacrificed to save the world.

Two hearts crumbled, but one heart held firm. Acknowledging his mistakes, accepting his desires, he resolved to move forward. To not lose himself.

He managed to hold his heart together, it seems. According to the session data, he didn’t receive help from any NPC.

He wandered outside in the middle of it, dungeon exploring. Did he meet a noble then?

Inertia exists in people. If you deceive your heart for long enough, it becomes the truth. Overcoming such inertia and stopping before heading down the right path is…

I can vaguely feel it. I too, have lived up to now, complacent in the everyday, like an ostrich hiding its eyes, going with the flow.

Could I, too, turn towards the right path?

Even in turmoil, there’s strength in the resolve to move forward.

In him, I saw a return to the path.

—

#4: Do Butterflies Dream of Magical Girls?

Assassin Roderus Redburn.

Caught in a great commotion, he became a magical girl. Initially, it was to escape the predicament, but realizing the preciousness of everyday life with friends, he ultimately saved the world as a magical girl.

No matter how much brainwashing education holds people’s hearts captive, there’s no poison as deadly to the soul as happiness. He was shaken thoroughly, as much as he wielded power.

The chaos of gender reversal, the disparity between happy dreams and unhappy reality.

Had he clung to his misguided beliefs to the end, the darkness within my heart would have been satiated. For such a fool, I had prepared a finale.

It’s about destroying one’s happiness with their own hands. Had he pierced Kim Lulu’s heart with a rapier, realizing his stubbornness severed a future where everyone could have been happy, it would have been perfect.

But fortunately, he was kinder than I thought. For that, I can only be grateful. Had he not repented, the story would have ended in tragedy, and the malignancy within would have bloomed.

Yet, I feel no remorse.

I’m not so soft-hearted as to care for someone who furiously tried to take my life. He should be thankful to me instead.

I saved his life, got him a cool and successful girlfriend, made him undergo TS, and even opened his eyes to different s*xual preferences. Haven’t I done all the good for him?

So, we’re even.

But… in the last moments. Gathering the crumbling spirit, standing up for a friend in the end. That was impressive.

Would he, when pushed into a situation like mine, overcome it for his friends?

The strength of a heart that rises even after falling.

In him, I saw the righteous path.

—

#Extra: Wandering in the Martial World

This story could be said to be the result of my efforts, contemplation, and guilt. I held back greatly. As a result, no ally members died here.

I only slightly touched Enbus’s heart.

But the regret remains. If Namgung Myeong had died, it might have been a better story. Or if I had pushed Namgung Seung-ah to the forefront, ignoring the fact that Luna was his partner.

So, it wasn’t my story that changed him, but the merit of the friends who flocked around him.

Honestly, how could I package it? I’ve been lenient for a long while. Even if Namgung Cheonghwi easily cracked Shadow Bennett’s head, there was a reason for it.

But I’ve learned that people change people.

—

…Alright.

Everyone reaches the moment when they must choose the path their heart desires.

The time to stay has ended, and now I need a path to move forward.

The protagonists I created each went their own way. Even if placed in different circumstances, they would have acted the same. Carrying burdens, breaking through, turning back, and rising again.

Can I borrow their paths?

Or should I follow their trajectories to forge a new one?

Countless crossroads lay before me. It’s the path I must advance on, and I must choose one. I open my eyes wide and scrutinize carefully.

⋯⋯⋯⋯.

To the left, there is a distinctly visible pure white path.

It’s the path of embrace and compassion. Understanding the pain and sorrow of others, putting others before myself, and shining a benevolent enlightenment like sunlight upon them.

And on that path, there seem to be footsteps of someone who has walked before.

It might sound strange, but… this is the path ‘I have walked.’ That’s the feeling I get. Though I haven’t chosen a path yet, a vague intuition lingers like déjà vu.

⋯⋯⋯⋯.

On the far right, there is a sticky, pitch-black path.

It’s the path of self-righteousness and narcissism. Observing people’s joys and sorrows from a step away, prioritizing myself over others, and enjoying this beautiful world to the fullest as if others are mere pawns in a model garden.

And on that path, there are sporadically shattered dragon scales.

Somehow… I know that at the end of this path lies immense pleasure. Days filled with omnipotence and dopamine, playing with the world as if it were a toy.

⋯⋯⋯⋯.

I am.

I disliked this. And I disliked that.

I want to live in a bright world with the people I love. Yet, I want to crush those who try to harm my people to the point of devastation.

I want to live happily and joyfully by any means necessary. Yet, I want to maintain the minimum line that makes me human.

I want to be a good person. Yet, I don’t want to be bound by such crude things.

I want to enjoy the game. Yet, I want to live in reality.

I’ve always been confused.

Unable to decide what to affirm and what to deny. If being honest with desire means loving someone, then I must also listen to the voice that wants to destroy and manipulate others.

If I put down all desires and chase the greater good, loving everything in the world. Then I won’t be able to give more love to them, and I’ll have to let go of the joy of my own life.

A boy with dice, whispering alternately of angels and demons.

That was me. That was the reflection of myself I faced.

Be good, be evil. In between those agonizing whispers.

“After all, weren’t all your stories happy endings?”

Yuri’s words brushed past.

…I began to think that the answer might be closer than expected.

—

All the paths I’ve reflected upon lead to the same destination.

I’ve fought against my heart and won.

Even in agony, I moved towards what I believed was right.

Staring at the dice in my grasp, I faintly understood. My hobbies, whether they be simple or extravagant… will become my discipline.

Rolling. I rolled them.

As the dice tumbled, their path became both a line and a journey.

From this line, to the left is reality, and to the right is the game.

I will not deny my desires. I have desires within me. There is a vile creature inside, one that torments and vexes others. I acknowledge it.

But that will just be a game. I will bind it.

I will affirm my desires. I have desires within me. There is a petulant child inside, dreaming of paradise and yearning for love. I acknowledge it.

But that will become reality. I will make it so.

I am weak. So weak that even a small emotional disturbance can cause a fuss. Perhaps I will falter, wander, or stray from the path I’ve created. It’s certain to happen a few times. I am aware.

However, I have decided. I am prepared. I will strive.

If any of my compulsions become pain, let’s accept and metamorphose them. Like a caterpillar enduring to become a butterfly.

If any of my desires cause pain to someone else, let’s sublimate them beautifully. As I have precariously done so far.

—

“……”

In the palm of my hand, the color of the heart flickers.

White and black alternate, almost appearing grey. It was devoid of a soul to taint, merely wavering in the void.

This is my intended metamorphosis…

For now, it’s only a method of turning metamorphosis by attaching it to someone else’s soul, perhaps I should call it a metamorphosis extra module.

Writing in pitch black enhances the aggression of metamorphosis, while pure white enhances its supportiveness, a new… technique.

How will this change the “Essence of Bondage”?

Yuri and I intuitively knew its effect.

If I use Yuri Lancer’s metamorphosis tinged in black, it could deliver a fatal blow to the Succubus Queen. But to do so, we had to give up something.

“……It’s okay.”

Yuri smiled, saying it was okay. I hesitated for a moment but then nodded.

We may lose something, but it’s definitely retrievable. So let’s do it. Let’s resolve ourselves for a happy ending.

Let’s kill the White Queen.

With this, I’ll devise a scenario. A session covering the story of two players trapped in a bizarre mindscape, toppling the queen and escaping to the outside.

The title will be “The Succubus’s Love.”