It had already been over two weeks since I started learning the Primordial Origin-based cultivation method from Yoo Doha.

At first, I was exhausted and couldn’t even breathe properly, but as time passed, I definitely found stability.

Breathing became more comfortable, and furthermore, the circulation of internal energy became smoother.

However, the amount was minimal, so there was no significant difference, but since there was no difficulty in operating the cultivation method itself, there were no major issues.

But as Yoo Doha had said, accumulating internal energy through the Primordial Origin took an extremely long time.

Comparing the time when I learned the Nine Heavens Meridians and now, the amount accumulated was strikingly different.

If learning the Nine Heavens Meridians felt like drawing water from a well, now it felt like collecting morning dew drop by drop.

As a result, even though I dedicated three shichen a day, it felt incredibly slow as only a very small amount accumulated.

Whenever that happened, Yoo Doha would smile and reassure me, saying it was normal and not to worry too much.

However, the growth rate was too slow. I had limited time, and if it continued at this sluggish pace, the time remaining for me would pass before I could see any effects.

I sometimes wondered if it was right for me, with limited time, to do this, but I quickly dismissed those thoughts.

In the first place, I didn’t start with any expectations. It was more like a ‘good if it works, but okay if it doesn’t’ level. So there was no need to force myself to cling to it.

Time passed like that, and about a month had gone by.

But there was no significant progress in my condition compared to a month ago. The accumulated internal energy was still meager, and there seemed to be no improvement in my condition.

Although I wasn’t particularly in pain or collapsing, I could feel my stamina depleting and becoming fatigued.

As the elderly often say they feel different from the previous year, I too could feel the difference between myself a month ago and now.

The hobbies and habits I used to enjoy started to feel burdensome to my body, and my sleeping time had noticeably increased.

When Hyuk Dojin jokingly said he didn’t know I slept so much, I thought it was simply due to fatigue, but now it wasn’t.

It was significantly increasing. Noticeably so.

Before breakfast, Hwa Ui came to check my pulse. He stared at me intently with an indiscernible expression.

“Is there a problem?”

Hyuk Dojin asked Hwa Ui, but Hwa Ui’s mouth, filled with his brush-like white beard, didn’t easily open. Hwa Ui silently gazed at me before shifting his gaze to the maids waiting in the room and instructed them to leave.

At his gesture, the room emptied, leaving only Hwa Ui, Hyuk Dojin, and me. Hwa Ui deeply frowned and spoke quietly.

“How long has it been since you started sleeping more?”

“I haven’t felt there was a problem for long. But I think it’s been about a month since Sowol started sleeping a lot. Perhaps it started even earlier than that.”

“A month…”

Hwa Ui looked up at the ceiling, moving his lips and muttering softly, then faced me again and spoke in a low voice.

“How long has it been since Miss arrived here?”

“I believe it hasn’t been two months yet.”

At Hyuk Dojin’s answer, Hwa Ui briefly nodded and slowly spoke.

“Then the remaining time the young lady mentioned, half a year, now means four months.”

“…”

Our expressions slightly stiffened at the heavy words we wanted to avoid. However, Hwa Ui looked unconcerned, as if explaining that it was his duty to say it. Hwa Ui turned to Hyuk Dojin.

“Young Cult Leader. How old do you think Miss appears to be?”

“Why are you suddenly asking that?”

“Please answer.”

Hyuk Dojin glanced at me, rolling his eyes, and calmly spoke.

“She appears to be at a young age, not even twenty years old yet.”

“That’s right. In my view as well, Miss Moyong is still just a child. At an age where there is more life ahead than behind. But for Miss Moyong, the time remaining is a mere four months. In other words, the time she is facing is not that of an eighteen-year-old, but that of an elderly person, one who wouldn’t be surprising to die soon.”

“…What does that mean?”

“To put it differently, Miss Moyong’s body is dying.”

“Hwa Ui.”

As soon as Hwa Ui finished speaking, Hyuk Dojin’s face hardened. Despite Hyuk Dojin’s attitude, Hwa Ui maintained his consistent stance.

“This isn’t a matter to look so serious about. Young Cult Leader, have you always been such a weak man? Enough to avert your eyes from reality.”

“…”

Hwa Ui slowly turned to look at Hyuk Dojin, who was biting his lip, and then shifted his gaze back to me.

“Miss Moyong’s body is gradually struggling. Even walking along the room and corridor she used to stroll will now be tiring, and the stamina to stay awake throughout the day will be burdensome. Furthermore, at some point, the training she is currently doing will start to exhaust her, and eventually, her body will crumble to the point where she can’t do any of it. Then, she won’t be able to leave this bed, and as time passes, she will disappear like that.”

“Hwa Ui…”

“It will be short and fleeting, like a hydrangea withering in the summer rain. When you open your eyes, the place where Miss Moyong was will be empty, and her traces will be erased. That’s how you will continue to live.”

I shifted my gaze from Hwa Ui to Hyuk Dojin. He was looking at me with complex eyes.

“Can we not buy more time?”

Hyuk Dojin’s eyes remained fixed on me as his lips parted. Hwa Ui calmly shook his head at his voice.

“No one knows. Even if Hua Tuo were to come back to life, that would still be unknown*. It’s not that there is no way, but the biggest problem is that no one knows which method is the right answer. Curing a cold is as simple as taking medicine, and if a leg is broken, you align the bones and apply a splint to treat it. Like that, the treatment method varies according to the severity of each illness. But to treat Miss Moyong, who is facing death, more drastic or even dangerous treatment methods must be used.” (tl/n: Hua Tuo is a famous Chinese physician, renowned in history and culture for his legendary medical skills; so mentioning him here means that even if Hua Tuo were alive today, he wouldn’t be able to guarantee a solution.)

Hwa Ui’s hand gently covered the back of my hand.

“And I… don’t particularly want to see Miss Moyong endure and bear that pain.”

“But…”

“It will be agonizing even if she remains still. None other than Miss Moyong herself. The deterioration of health and the inability to do the things she used to do while waiting for death is not something even an old man like me who has seen it all can imagine. But to add the will of others, not her own, and inflict pain on top of that…”

Hwa Ui showed a bitter expression.

“I don’t want to force that upon her.”

“…”

Hyuk Dojin’s heavy expression made my heart ache. But in contrast to that, it was true that my heart leaned towards Hwa Ui’s words.

Pain will come anyway as time passes. It would be a very short and fleeting pain.

However, if I were told to endure even greater pain to erase that pain, I didn’t have the confidence to bear it.

The sense of helplessness that had pierced my bones. Even if someone comforted me by my side, it wouldn’t easily disappear, being my memory of nearly 40 years.

Therefore, I lightly pushed the back of Hwa Ui’s hand and nodded.

“Thank you, Hwa Ui. It must have been difficult, but you told me everything honestly.”

“…I’m just sorry. It’s regrettable that I can’t do anything for you.”

“What is there for Hwa Ui to be sorry about?”

Anyway, it was something I already knew, so there was no need for him to feel sorry.

After the long conversation ended, Hwa Ui withdrew. Hyuk Dojin and I faced each other without saying a word. I quietly smiled as I faced his sorrowful expression mixed with confusion.

The corners of his mouth curved up, following my smile, looking strangely desolate. He spoke softly.

“…Is it difficult?”

“It’s alright. I can still endure it for now.”

I rose from my seat and lifted my arm. I slowly stroked Hyuk Dojin’s head above me.

The same gesture he often did for me. A hand that comforted me. I smiled brightly as I faced his flinching expression.

“So it’s okay. There will be a better way.”

I lowered my arm and stepped back. Then I quietly turned my body.

“Where are you going?”

“Yoo Doha said he would come soon. I need to train.”

“If it’s too much for you, you don’t have to do it. Rather than being in pain and suffering, it’s better to find another way…”

“I’ve endured well for a month, so I’ll try a bit more.”

“But…”

“Don’t worry too much.”

I twisted my waist as I put on my outer robe. I gave the brightest smile I could to Hyuk Dojin, who was quietly looking at me.

“Everything will be alright.”

I moved away from Hyuk Dojin, who tried to hold onto me, and left the room. With a click, the door closed, and silence flowed.

The corridor where people always passed by was too quiet. After glancing around the empty corridor, I stepped to the side and leaned against the wall.

‘…My body is dying.’

To face that future again. I smiled and said it was okay, that there would be a better way… But honestly, I was scared.

Afraid.

The thought of having to experience the same pain as in my previous life was simply terrifying.

I smiled because Hyuk Dojin was even more sorrowful than me, but my heart was crying.

“…Haah.”

I leaned against the wall and hung my head low. Tears that I couldn’t show flowed down my cheeks.

One drop, then another.

The more tears fell, the more I had to suppress the sound that threatened to burst from my mouth.

I covered my lips with my palm. But that wasn’t enough, so I placed my other hand over that palm to completely muffle my sobs.

Only then could I silently shed tears.

* * *

[Master.]

“…”

Eun Do, who rarely spoke first, sent a telepathic message. Hyuk Dojin, who was leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, didn’t respond to Eun Do’s message calling him.

Without waiting for his answer, Eun Do opened his mouth right away.

[…She’s crying.]

Even at his words, Hyuk Dojin remained silent with his eyes closed.

Hyuk Dojin’s senses were several times more developed than others.

It was impossible for this wall to block those senses.

Eun Do spoke to Hyuk Dojin again, who still didn’t respond.

[Is it alright not to go out and see her?]

“…”

Only then did Hyuk Dojin slowly open his eyes. His lips parted slowly.

“Protect her, Eun Do. Don’t let anyone else approach Sowol.”

[But…]

“Sometimes people want to cry alone. When they are so sad that no one’s presence can comfort them, when they want to cover their mouth and cry alone. So, I will only protect Sowol when she’s like that.”

When Hyuk Dojin’s mother passed away, no one left him alone. Recalling himself on that day, he closed his eyes again.

-Young Cult Leader. When you’re tired and exhausted, sometimes it’s okay to cry. Crying isn’t shameful. Wounds on the outside heal by licking them and applying medicine, but wounds of the heart don’t heal that way. The medicine to heal the wounds of the heart can sometimes be tears. Just because you don’t cry doesn’t make you a strong person. Not crying means it may be festering inside. So, whenever you’re struggling, cry as much as you want.

Geum Soso’s voice seemed to resonate calmly.

Tl/note: Oh my gosh, even I cried while translating this… Everyone craving for life, always.