NoveLight ™
Things were falling into place one by one.
Makeup, hair—things I wouldn’t have been able to do on my own were being taken care of swiftly. These tasks were beyond my ability, and it wasn’t like I would have even thought to look for someone to help me.
As for clothes… I didn’t really want to wear a skirt, but Elderen was so insistent that I didn’t have time to resist. Every time the wind breezed through the hem of the skirt, I felt a bit chilly.
It felt like I was almost fully exposed, even though I was wearing clothes. I was paranoid that if the skirt lifted even a little, it would expose my inner thighs. How do women feel secure in something as flimsy as this?
“Could you look in the mirror? Great, now give me a smile.”
“Uh, ahaha?”
“Just a smile, please.”
“Yes…”
The person in the mirror gave a forced smile.
I’d seen that face so many times before, yet it felt like I was looking at someone else entirely. If not for the trembling corners of my mouth and the shy expression I wore, I might not have recognized myself at all.
I had been transformed into what looked like a young girl. I bet people would believe me if I said I had just entered high school. There was a radiance about me, as if I hadn’t been touched by the harshness of the world yet.
I was startled by my appearance and instinctively touched my cheek to ground myself in reality.
“What do you think? Surprised, right? A lot of people are shocked when they see themselves like this for the first time, but you’re especially unique.”
“Unique?”
“I’ve never met someone who didn’t put any effort into their appearance before.”
I could sense a bit of frustration in the stylist’s voice. The hand that swept my hair back from my neck felt a little rougher, and my dark hair fell softly across my shoulders.
“It might sound intrusive, but I want you to take better care of yourself. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever worked with, and I’m not just saying that.”
“Th-thank you…”
“All done! Let’s go show your sister. I’ll bring your crutches, so just wait here for a moment.”
I stood there, gazing blankly at the mirror, and for the first time in a long while, I felt a little better. It turns out, even someone as gloomy as me can be made to look this nice.
[Title: Casual Chat Stream] [‘Elderen’ is live streaming.]
The studio had a soft sky-blue hue. More accurately, it was an officetel Elderen had set up for her streaming. She started the stream a little farther away from me.
Streaming was much more serious and competitive than I had ever imagined. I didn’t realize how much preparation was needed.
The stream might look simple and easy to the viewers, but I could tell Elderen had put a lot of effort into creating this space.
“Hello, everyone. Are you glad to see a face-cam stream again? Thanks for the support. It’s been a while since I streamed with my cam on, hasn’t it?”
Behind the table where the camera couldn’t reach, several lights were emitting a warm, bright glow. It made Elderen, who had begun the stream with practiced ease, look like she was glowing.
I sat in the back, outside of the camera’s view, watching her.
The perspective of a streamer is very different from that of the viewers. I wondered if the bright lights hurt her eyes. I should probably start studying these streaming programs slowly but surely.
I carefully stored away all the things Elderen was showing me in my mind. I had to make space, so I pushed aside my jealousy and fear for a while. Elderen briefly caught my eye and gave me a cheerful smile.
I responded with a small nod.
‘What should… I do?’
Elderen hadn’t forced anything on me at all. She had simply made a space for me to join whenever I was ready.
If I stood up, Elderen would turn off the camera for a moment. When it came back on, I would be sitting there.
If I didn’t get up, that would be it. She’d carry on with the stream as if nothing had happened.
I understood all of this logically. Even after everything, my mind remained sharp.
This was an opportunity that would never come again. Elderen was a well-known streamer, both as a “face-cam” and for playing Infinity Black. If I joined her on stream, this collaboration would definitely be a huge boost.
But still…
‘I’m scared…’
Just as I placed my hands on the armrest, ready to stand, I couldn’t apply any strength. It felt like sticky, dark hands were grabbing hold of my arms, holding me down.
A small, dark voice whispered in my ear. That’s not a place for you. Look at the cheerful chat. The moment you awkwardly join, it’ll turn into chaos.
This is different from when you played as Ka-Wol. You’re Han Da-eun now. You stutter in front of people…
“Well, it’s true I just wanted to chat today. A guest? You’re getting too excited. But who knows? There could be one. I’m not sure yet~.”
On the other hand, Elderen seemed to be calling out to me with her gestures. I wanted to grab her hand and pull myself out of the darkness, to surround myself with my own light rather than live in jealousy.
I glanced at the small hand mirror nearby.
My face was a mess.
‘But earlier… I looked so beautiful.’
Today, even to my own eyes—eyes that see myself as a miserable wreck—I had been stunningly gorgeous. How had things gotten so bad in just a few hours?
Had my makeup smudged?
Of course not. Nothing had changed.
I didn’t need to look far for the answer. The only thing that had changed was my mind. Like looking up at the world from underwater and seeing everything distorted, my submerged mind had warped my perception of reality.
Realizing this, I felt the invisible shackles around my arms loosen.
I stood up and stepped outside the studio.
The battle was terrifying, but running away felt easy.
However, once the battle is over, the one who fights bravely gains glory, while the one who runs away gains only more fear. No matter what choice you make, the fear never really goes away.
Some people with extraordinary resolve overcome it with sheer willpower. But people like me, who have rotted and decayed inside, can’t do that.
If I couldn’t win on my own, maybe I just needed to rely on something else for help.
“Da-eun, are you okay?”
“…”
Elderen had come running out of the studio.
Her eyes were filled with worry as she looked at me. Our eyes met, and I gave her a sheepish smile. I shook the bottle of alcohol I was holding in my hand at her.
Inside the clear glass bottle, the amber-colored whiskey sloshed around.
“Can I drink this?”
“Huh? Oh… yeah, go ahead.”
“Thanks. It looks expensive.”
Honestly, I couldn’t tell.
To me, alcohol was usually just cheap soju, and fancy drinks were the rice wine served at barbecue restaurants. If it had an English label, I just lumped it in as “Western liquor,” with a vague sense that it was expensive.
So the taste or price didn’t matter. My goal was simple: alcohol. I needed to soften my brain with intoxication.
“Just give me a moment. I’ll head back in soon.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m just going to go for it. I mean, I’ve already been pushed this far.”
If the problem is in my head, then I’ll just break this damn brain.
I learned something important from the last meet-up. This body doesn’t handle alcohol well. Just a few drinks were enough to get me tipsy, and I remembered ending up in Sanse’s arms, completely plastered.
If I drink something this strong, I’ll definitely get drunk.
The plan was simple. Drink enough so that I wouldn’t be able to think, whether the thoughts were good or bad. They’d all disappear, leaving me no choice but to act.
It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, just like it’s easier to let madness take over than to conquer fear.
In field battles, doping and gear are just as important as skill. I downed the whiskey until my throat burned—doping complete. Now, it was time to focus on the gear.
My appearance was better than ever right now. So I needed to find something to cover my face, to boost my lacking confidence or surprise the viewers, one or the other.
There was a pile of disposable masks on the shelf. I grabbed a black one and slipped it over my face. Limping slightly, I made my way back into the studio. As I opened the door, a bright light greeted me.
[Author: Anonymous (475.208)] [Title: Who’s the girl in Elderen’s stream right now?]
(Attached photo: Elderen’s face-cam stream)
Who is she? She’s pretty. I wish she’d take off the mask.
[Comments]
[Author: Anonymous (339.250)] [Title: Doesn’t that girl in the mask look exactly like Ka-Wol?]
Her body is identical. So I checked.
(Attached photos: Ka-Wol in the I-Challenge, Ka-Wol looking shy, Girl in a mask standing next to Elderen)
She really looks the same!
[Comments]
[Author: Dongmicham] [Title: Is Ka-Wol appearing on a stream now?]
I’ve been waiting for this day. I’m recording immediately.
[Comments]