Prologue

I have no memory of my mother.

My father died of cancer when I was nineteen.

There is something my father used to say to me.

‘Joo-won, whatever you do, don’t do it half-heartedly. You must be good at it.’

Whenever he could, he would say that.

“You have to be good. There’s no need for hard work.

As a child, I listened with one ear and let it go.

When I was in the middle of a severe middle ear disease, I even vomited at his words.

I think I realized that the process is more important than the result, and that hard work itself has meaning.

I’m still not sure what the right answer is.

But now, at the age of twenty-five, there’s one thing I’m painfully aware of.

Or rather, at some point, I realized it clearly.

I’m not good at anything.

Not only that. I wasn’t a hard worker.

I’m a weak-willed person who gives up on things easily, struggles with small things, and gets hurt easily.

I’m a weakling with no cool factor, dreaming big but not trying hard enough.

I was what people call a surplus.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that I was.

No matter how hard I tried to change myself, I couldn’t.

Because I was a human being who couldn’t even try to change.

And there was no one around to change me.

I didn’t have a mother to tutor me, or a father who always said, “You should be good.

“No.

Even if they had been there, it would have been the same.

I was convinced that in the end, I could only change myself.

And I am an unchangeable human being.

So there is no solution, and I can never change.

That’s what I thought.

But then…

“Dad…?”

My life, which I thought would never change, started to change in an instant.

****** The

A funeral room at a large hospital in Seoul.

Relatives, including myself, are sitting around a table, facing each other.

From close relatives to somewhat distant relatives.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen my relatives.

In fact, it wasn’t easy for me to come here.

There are two reasons why I didn’t want to come.

First of all, my maternal uncle, the main character of this funeral, who is said to be dead.

My relationship with him was almost non-existent.

I think I saw his face a few times when I was younger, but that was it.

I don’t like the image I have of him.

He liked to drink, had a foul mouth… Anyway, that was the general idea.

That’s why I didn’t want to come. Well, it’s a poor reason.

You can’t just go to the funeral of someone you’ve known and gotten along with in life.

The final reason I didn’t want to come was my own situation.

Fifty-five years old. Unemployed, part-time student. Poor.

I could go on and on, but this is enough to describe my situation.

I wasn’t looking forward to meeting someone in this situation.

‘Well, the only good thing is that my relatives don’t care about me in the least.

After my father died, I lost contact with my relatives for several years.

So there was a high probability that they didn’t know about my current situation.

It’s not like I had relatives who helped me in the past when I was an orphan.

Of course, I don’t want to resent them now.

I was almost an adult when my father died.

But I have to admit, I’m a little puzzled.

I wondered why people I hadn’t spoken to in years were inviting me to this funeral.

‘I guess relatives are still relatives,’ I thought.

I smiled sheepishly.

It’s funny how people call you just because you’re related to them, even though you’re more distant than anyone else.

I’m no exception to this rule. I’m here for the same reason he is.

There’s something else my father used to say, besides ‘Don’t work hard, but do well’.

“Ju-won, no matter how much you hate someone, you don’t skip a relative’s funeral. You can skip the wedding, but you have to go to the funeral, and you have to cry with them, because that’s human behavior.

I remembered that and decided to come here.

But now, at the age of twenty-five, I honestly don’t know if my father’s words are true.

I can’t even keep all of his words. I can’t cry a lot when I’m not sad.

I’m not sure who’s who, but the relatives in front of me don’t seem too sad about my uncle’s death.

I think I’ve heard my father’s words just by being here.

“Wow, you’ve been anxious since you were so young, heart attack, heart attack.”

“That’s what happens when you sleep around all the time. It’s a shame, it’s a shame.”

The relatives exchanged stories with frowns on their faces.

I didn’t really join in with them; I just thought, “That’s the way it is.

My uncle died of a heart attack at a young age. He must have liked to drink until he died.

I thought about these tasteless thoughts.

But then I heard something that bothered me a little.

“I can’t imagine how surprised he was. What was his name? Dong-seok’s daughter.”

“I can’t remember now. It was some kind of colorful thing, but her name.”

“Oh, Yeon-doo! Isn’t it Seo Yeon-doo?”

“That’s right. She told me that Dong-seok found her body at dawn. She was so surprised to see her dad dead.”

“Huh? Yunho said she doesn’t even know her dad is dead yet.”

“Drew? Then how does she know that Dong-seok is dead?”

“That’s a long story——”

It seems that my uncle had a daughter.

I don’t know how old she is, but she’s still very young.

Anyway, the kid looks like me, but in a worse situation.

At least I’m all grown up and dead, but this kid is still a baby.

A little curious, I opened my mouth cautiously.

“How old is she?”

The question turned all of my relatives’ eyes on me.

I felt my breath catch in my throat from all the attention.

Fortunately, one relative answered. She was my second aunt.

Her brother is dead, so she’s related, but her expression is quite sober.

“He’s five years old this year, I think?”

Five years old.

That’s really young. Even younger than I thought.

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but five seems really small.

The age immediately raised another question.

“So what happens to her now?”

I spat out the question and realized it was a mistake.

Instantly, the atmosphere turned cold.

I’m not good at anything, but there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 25 years of life.

I can read people’s moods and thoughts from their facial expressions.

Judging by this ability, all of my relatives were uncomfortable with my questions.

This meant that the child was not welcome in anyone’s home.

Just like me six years ago.

After a stiff silence, someone spoke up.

But what he said caught me off guard.

“Haha, we haven’t decided yet, but how about you take him in?”

Stunned for a moment, I replied.

“…What?”

I don’t know if he was joking or serious, but it was complete bullshit.

I can’t even take care of myself, and I’m drowning in helplessness and self-pity, and you want me to raise a child?

A child that wasn’t even mine?

This wasn’t a soap opera, this was reality.

I couldn’t believe my ears, even if she was joking.

Before I could say anything, someone next to me shot back.

“How does that make sense? How old is Joo-won?”

“No, I mean…”

My uncle glanced at the others, then continued.

“I was just making a suggestion. Honestly, it’s not like I didn’t say something. If he’s twenty-five, he’s old enough. The age gap between him and us isn’t that big, so why don’t you try living with him for a while? I’m not asking you to stay with him forever.”

“No matter what…”

“Besides, you’re both similar. Joo-won was alone when Seo-bang died, and he’s done well so far. He’ll be a strength to her. He’ll be a strength. Financially, we can help her out to some extent. Child support and stuff.”

Once he got that out of his system, he was confident, and he started spouting bullshit.

I could tell right away. This man is not a man who cares.

What’s interesting is that his relatives are secretly sympathizing with him, even though they don’t talk back.

Even my second aunt, who was just snapping at my uncle.

I could see it in the way they glanced away or the look in their eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

Of course, I wasn’t stupid.

I had no intention of accepting such a ridiculous offer.

When I flatly refused, my uncle made a face and shut up.

The second aunt opened her mouth with an awkward smile.

“Okay. Come on, already. Yunho said he’s bringing the kid, so we’ll talk about it then.”

A child is coming here? This was another new piece of information.

At that moment, I had only one thought.

I had to get out of here before anything unpleasant happens.

“I’m going to get up, then.”

I opened my mouth cautiously as I turned to leave.

“You’re leaving already?”

“Yep. I have work to do.”

Of course, there w ” as nothing I needed to do today.

I was just making small talk to get out of here.

The relatives greeted me with frowns.

It was then.

The interruption.

I was just about to get up when someone opened the door and walked in.

I missed the timing of my exit.

I had a feeling something wasn’t right.

“Yunho’s home.”

With those words, unearthly groans came out of my relatives’ mouths.

I knew immediately why.

‘What the hell——‘

The child Kim Yunho brought home was beyond words.

I’m not exaggerating, it was just as bad as it sounds.

His hair was disheveled and scattered like it had been cut at some point, and his face was obscured by his hair.

His clothes were ragged, and his head hung low, as if he were ill.

I realized immediately what an asshole her uncle must have been.

How the hell did he raise his daughter to look like that.

I froze in my seat in shock.

My relatives were also speechless, as they hadn’t expected such a situation.

Kim Yunho, who had brought the child, said.

“Oops, you came in a hurry and didn’t even wash up. Sit here, Yeondu.”

He sounded friendly, but his tone was cold.

Naturally, he sat her down. Next to me, of course.

I wondered if he’d been smoking, and the pungent odor of tobacco stung my nose.

“This guy didn’t smoke.

It was the so-called cigarette stench, which meant it didn’t smell like the van.

Then I had a guess. If no one else was around, I would have sworn.

To none other than my uncle, the master of ceremonies at this funeral.

While I was thinking about it, my relatives sat the child down and started talking amongst themselves.

‘Hah…’

But I couldn’t concentrate on the story because I was getting nervous as time went on.

Why are you talking like this, you.

Why don’t you sit down at least, I don’t know why you’re sitting on your knees and talking.

Maybe it’s because you’re sad that your dad died, even if he was an asshole.

I unconsciously reached for her hand because I felt sorry for her.

“It’s okay, Yondu.”

I whispered softly as I took her hand.

The sudden contact startled her, and she jerked.

So much so that I almost screamed in surprise.

Luckily, her trembling subsided a bit after that.

Haha, what am I doing now.

I thought I should just finish the story and leave.

I shouldn’t have come, really.

But then I heard something in the conversation that I couldn’t ignore.

Soon, a rather heated conversation was going back and forth between the relatives.

“Let’s be honest, she’s nothing to us.”

“Nothing?”

“I wasn’t going to say this, but we’re not related by blood, Mr. Seo, Mr. Kim. They have different surnames. They didn’t just meet a girl and raise her. Why should we be responsible for them?”

“But there’s something called moral responsibility.”

“Then your brother-in-law can take him.”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying, now! Let’s find a solution. Oh, and how’s your mother-in-law?”

“She’s not feeling well——”

So what they were saying was that this child was not actually my relative.

In other words, she’s not my uncle’s biological daughter.

“Why don’t you just leave her in a daycare center,” I said, “so you can do the right thing and contribute a little bit.”

“Daycare?”

“Yes. They say that’s what they do in situations like this.”

But right now, it didn’t matter to me who was related or not.

I was genuinely pissed off about this situation, even in a country that has nothing to be proud of.

So, on impulse, I said something irritating.

“Don’t you think you’ve all gone too far?”

“What?”

“Do you really have to talk about this in front of a child? Couldn’t you have said something earlier?”

Part of me wanted to say more.

But when I saw the state of the child, I realized that whatever little nurturing feelings I had disappeared.

I also wanted to scream at them, “You selfish, trashy people!

But that wasn’t a good option, not even for the shivering child next to me.

The uncle in front of me spoke up.

“Come on, man. She’s a kid, she should know better. Wouldn’t it be worse to send her to daycare without telling her?”

“Ha, then tell him something nice. Don’t you think about what he’ll think if you talk to him like that?”

“No, he’s raising his voice in front of an adult and–”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, you should be sorry.”

“I’m sorry, but you’re not the only adult.”

“…What? What an asshole——”

My uncle glared at me harshly.

Damn it. I didn’t come here for this.

The trembling of the child holding my hand increased sharply again. It’s too much for me to handle.

She’s clearly scared.

My heart rate skyrockets in time with her trembling.

I felt like I had to shove about five liters of beer down my throat to feel like this.

“Stop it, stop it, this is not a family reunion.

Someone stopped my uncle and I from arguing.

But in my eyes, all the relatives around the table looked like monsters.

I am by no means a good and exemplary human being.

But even from my perspective, this situation was not normal.

No, these people were not normal.

Maybe that’s why.

A bang.

I jumped to my feet, still holding Yeondu’s hand.

“I’ll keep it.”

“What?”

“I’ll keep her, I’ll raise her.”