Episode 2. Family?

“Crazy, asshole, asshole, asshole!

The rest of the words are too harsh to recount.

When I left the funeral home, I was shouted at with the harshest words I could think of.

Of course, I didn’t say it out loud.

Beside me was the owner of the tiny hand, who was still holding my hand.

“Seo Yeon Doo. What did he say?

It was the name of the five-year-old girl I had brought with me.

To be honest, I hadn’t been paying attention to my relatives’ conversations, so I couldn’t even remember her name clearly.

Well, it must be Seo Yeon Doo, because I remember she said it had something to do with color.

Anyway, that’s not the point.

What matters to me now is this situation I’ve created.

“What the hell did I do?

No matter how angry I was at the attitude of my clueless relatives, this was not the right choice.

Let’s recall the situation I just described.

I said to my relatives in an excited voice just before leaving the funeral home.

“I can keep him, I’ll do it.”

I declared in front of my relatives that I was going to keep the baby.

A child who wasn’t even my biological nephew, and whose name I didn’t even know.

Fast-forward a little further in time, and I even got into an argument with my uncle.

I’m pretty sure I said, “You’re not the only adult in the room.

Oh, now that I think about it, I’m not being unexpectedly cool…am I crazy?

Not only did I have to take on the responsibility of raising a child, but I also had to pretend to be one with my relatives.

I shouldn’t have taken it in the first place, but if I did, I should have been a good girl and gotten some child support.

Instead, she took a jab at me that didn’t work and walked out with the kid.

This meant that I was now in an awkward position to call her for child support.

Okay, that’s a little off the point. Even if I had the money, there’s no way I’d be able to keep the baby.

“On the subject of assholes.

I’m an asshole who can’t take responsibility for anything.

I can’t even make ends meet.

A guy who doesn’t have a single thing is making a big deal out of raising a child.

“Haha.”

I looked up with a disheartened expression, still holding the baby’s hand.

I could still see the funeral home in front of me.

A million thoughts raced through my head.

And it all came down to one conclusion.

‘If I could do it now——‘

I can turn back time.

Yes, I can. I messed up. I admit it.

I said something unkind to my relatives in the heat of the moment.

But on the bright side, that’s all it was. The worst is out of the way now.

“Go back the way you came.

Take the baby back to where the relatives are gathered.

And ask for forgiveness for my rudeness.

I don’t think I did anything wrong, but I can’t help it.

Since when have I been so proud of myself?

I just need to bow down for a moment for my future security.

If I leave the child in the hands of my relatives, I will be able to go on with my life.

“But…

A chill ran down my spine.

If I were to die, my baby would end up in an orphanage.

Not that daycare is a bad place, of course. But if that was the case, I shouldn’t have brought her out in the first place.

If I go back with her less than 10 minutes after I yell at her and take her out.

I wonder how she feels when she’s abandoned by me and sent to daycare.

She would feel unhappy and betrayed.

It was hard enough for me at nineteen, but it’s cruel to ask a five-year-old girl to endure something worse.

And all because of my mistakes.

Yuck.

I gently turned my head toward her.

Her hair was still in disarray, her face completely hidden by it.

She was still dressed in her raggedy clothes, her head bowed low.

Only one thing had changed.

“Hmph. Hmph.”

Her sobs sounded small, like she was purposely muffling them.

Tsk. Drip.

Unhidden teardrops falling to the floor.

Seeing her like that, my thoughts flew away and my head felt cold.

It was a feeling I had never felt before in my life.

Turbuck. Tumble.

Before I knew it, I was walking toward the bus stop.

*** *** *** *** *** *** I don’t know how I got here.

I don’t know how I got here.

Maybe I just needed time to think.

After I got on the bus, I didn’t say a word to Yeondu.

Only after I got off the bus did I come to my senses.

‘I didn’t act like an adult.

My first priority was to reassure her since I had decided to bring her home.

But I didn’t. And neither could he, because the situation was too big for me.

It’s a bit dehumanizing to say, but I felt like I had a huge obstacle in front of me.

Of course, I hadn’t come this far to make a choice.

Now I have to take responsibility for this child, whether he is killed or eaten.

I knew that in my bones.

“Can I do it?

I meant this question in the most literal sense.

There was no chance I would abandon him. I’m not the kind of person who would do that.

At the very least, I wasn’t the kind of person who would abandon a child outright.

“But.

It was entirely possible that my lack of competence would prevent me from raising the child normally.

Maybe an environment centered around me would be worse than daycare for my child.

Because I am incompetent.

I tasted blood in my mouth, probably from biting my lip so hard.

“Ah, ah…!”

I snapped my head around.

The baby, who had been quiet the whole time, made a noise.

“Moo, what happened?”

“Aaaaah…”

It was the first time I heard Yeondu’s voice.

But it was hard to understand because her pronunciation was not correct.

Isn’t it normal for a five-year-old to not be able to speak well? I don’t know, I’ve never paid attention to a five-year-old before.

I turned back to Yeondu.

“What, Daddy…?”

The baby’s head jerked up and down at my words.

The way she shook her head in panic made me feel cheap.

At a loss for words, the baby spoke again.

“It… It hurts. Soon.”

Realizing what she was saying, I quickly let go of her hand.

I must have been thinking about something serious and unconsciously squeezed her hand.

I hadn’t even realized it.

How long have you been holding on so tightly? Have you been holding on all the way here?

I patted her hand and said.

“I’m sorry, are you okay?”
Yandu bobbed her head up and down slightly.

By the way, her voice sounded more babyish than I expected.

Ah, no wonder she’s a baby. I feel like an idiot.

It wasn’t the ideal start to a conversation, but now that I was talking, I needed to continue.

“You said Yeondu, right, Seo Yeondu?”

“…Yes.”

“Okay, Yondu, is there anything else that hurts besides your hand?”

“Yeah.”

It was more of a question.

As I tried to force myself to continue, unintended questions popped up.

In the end, the most important question to ask was.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry about earlier, Yeondu, I got into a fight with your aunts. Oh, we didn’t really fight, I just said it out loud.”

“…”

Yandu nodded wordlessly.

This is what I expected, but I don’t think she’s very good at talking yet.

“I hope she’s not answering because she doesn’t like me.

I hope not.

I stammered.

“Yondu, do you… Do you know what family is?”

“Family…?”

“Yes, family.”

“Oh, no…!”

Huh? That’s the first high-tension answer I’ve heard.

Up until this point, all I’ve heard is a small “Yes.

That’s a pretty big win. You’ll need to have a productive conversation to get to know them.

Does she like it when I ask her what she knows?

I seized the momentum and asked again.

“Really? I don’t know much about it. Can you tell me what it is?”

“Values.”

“Like?”

“Buying values…”

Well, it wasn’t a brilliant answer, but it wasn’t wrong either.

In fact, if you ask me to give a deep philosophical answer about what family is, I can’t do it.

This was a good enough answer. Especially for a five-year-old.

I smiled sheepishly.

“Yeah, and… I guess we’re going to be a family starting today.”

“… We?”

“Yes, us. Yondu, you and me.”

“… And you?”

“Yeah.”

I don’t know if I understood her, but strangely, the conversation continued.

I needed to force myself to think positively at the moment.

Before I knew it, I was in front of my house. It was my small rented room.

Before entering the house, I opened my mouth with a worried expression.

It was a question that had been nagging at me for a while.

“Yondu, are you sure you don’t want to join our family?”

Saying no is a real heartbreak.

Honestly, I was putting it off because I thought it would hurt.

Excitement.

I’m so nervous.

Then I heard Yeondu’s small voice in my ear.

“Shirer.”

“What?”

“It’s cold”

I replied breathlessly.