Chapter 1: December 1, 2023
"Look at me, Elaina," pleaded the voice of a man as beautifully sculpted as a statue. But Elaina simply looked down at him with an emotionless, cold face as if they were in entirely different worlds. "Are you truly serious about leaving Edenbell, about leaving my side?" Sinclair Butler, a disgrace of the peaceful and holy empire of Edenbell, was an unpredictable and wild prince. Proud to the point of arrogance, he bowed to no one and was ruthless enough to cut down anyone in his way. Not to mention, he had once killed the emperor’s favorite concubine in broad daylight and, like a malevolent spirit, survived every battlefield only to return alive each time. "Please say it isn't so." "......" "Please, I beg you."
This man, who feared nothing, was now begging Elaina like a dog, pleading for her not to leave him. Even kneeling on one knee before her, looking up at her as if she were a goddess. There had been a time when this cruel man truly dreamed that she would love him back, even if it was just half the feelings he experienced, and desperately hoped she would stay by his side as she did now. Reflecting on it now, it seemed such a foolish act. None of that mattered anymore because any plea or desperation was worthless to Elaina. "Our contract is over, Sinclair," she replied in a voice as cold as midwinter frost. "Didn’t you promise first? That after a year, we would divorce."
Elaina’s words were no lie. Sinclair had tirelessly spoken about it throughout their time together: this sham of a marriage was only meant to last a year. Therefore, their relationship held no value; it was merely a relationship formed out of necessity, and she should not overstep or expect anything. "Didn’t you say that after that, you wouldn’t care where I went?" Sinclair’s gaze was dazed as he stared at Elaina. His golden eyes, which used to shine so brightly, now appeared dull and empty, much like how Elaina’s once vivid blue eyes seemed to have lost all their light after his right leg was permanently damaged. "What if I can't let you go?" Sinclair asked in a very low voice.
"Do you plan to run away?" A large hand with blue veins prominent grasped Elaina's damaged right ankle firmly. "With that leg?" Elaina let out a quiet, hollow laugh. Yes, that would be the case. With such a leg, escaping from him wouldn't be easy. If Sinclair Butler was called the disgrace of Edenbell, a wild prince, then Elaina Aswell was referred to by people as the Aswell family’s limping parasite. Since her right leg was permanently damaged at the age of seven, she had always been taunted with this derogatory nickname. Born a bastard and abused by the Aswell family, she had lost even the dream of escaping one day, living day by day as a parasite, never knowing when she might be sold off in place of a dowry.
It was Sinclair Butler, the wild prince himself, who had saved her from the Aswell household by using their marriage as a pretext. "You told me that back then, Elaina. That we no longer needed such a contract." "......" "That you would stay by my side forever, no matter what happens. That you would never leave." Sinclair's words were correct. Elaina had foolishly repeated that story to him, who had always been cold, looking at Sinclair with love-filled eyes, calling his name with a voice soaked in affection, and touching his warm embrace with hands trembling with excitement. But all that was in the past.
"Are you planning to completely break both my legs this time, Sinclair?" Elaina’s voice was merciless, filled with scorn. "Wasn’t ruining my good right leg enough for you?" For a moment, a deep sense of defeat darkened Sinclair’s face like the black night sky. He exhaled a ragged breath as if his heart had been torn out. Sinclair, wounded by her words, was despicable to her, and yet, the stubbornness of not letting go of her ankle was laughable.
Elaina glared at Sinclair silently for a moment. Then, with a voice that trembled slightly yet was incredibly firm, she continued, "You have always pushed my life into the gutter." As if he had reached out his hand to save her from all despair. "Without fail." Thirteen years ago, and even now. "And yet, not recognizing you for who you are, you shamelessly come back to deceive me again, and now you're trying to stop me from leaving?" Sinclair no longer had the right to do so. In fact, it would be correct to say he never had. You have to let me go. If you don't want to destroy me further.
Elaina's lips trembled, but Sinclair's gaze was still fixed on her. "Yes," Sinclair spat out. "I have driven you into the gutter."
"Or perhaps to a worse hell," Sinclair mused darkly as he gripped Elaina's damaged leg, the very one he had destroyed, shattering her long-held dream of escaping from the Aswell family. He had abandoned her after that, disappearing without a trace, only to reappear shamelessly before Elaina, once again throwing her life into disarray as if she were nothing more than a cheap toy. But not once had he been insincere, even if there were days when even he couldn't recognize his own feelings.
"Shall I cut off my own legs?" Sinclair's words flowed calmly as he watched her. "Should I become as broken as you, Elaina?" He knew that if he said yes, that he would stay and not leave, he would immediately draw his sword and cut off his own limbs without a moment's hesitation. And then he would bind Elaina's life, her emotions, her body, as tightly as a rope. "Now that I am broken like you, as you wanted, you can never leave me," he would say, trapping her in a hellish statement. Therefore, Elaina did not give him the answer he wanted.
"What would that mean for me?" she asked. "Would it change the fact that I am already in hell?"
At her cruel response, Sinclair bit his lip with all his might. A brief glance at him revealed a face turning pale, as if sickened. She wanted this arrogant man before her to experience irreversible hurt, pain, and suffering—because that was what Elaina had endured from him for 13 years. However, his sharp retort was enough to contort her face.
"Do it then, like now," he challenged.
"What did you say?" she faltered.
"Say that you hate me, that you can never forgive me. Say it every day when you wake up, as naturally as you breathe. Push me into hell too."
Sinclair's golden eyes, filled with Elaina, still sparkled with an unwillingness to give up anything. "But stay by my side. Until death, for a lifetime."
If he had pushed Elaina into hell, then he was ready to be pushed into hell by her hand, too. Even if a hellfire of guilt continuously consumed his entire body and eventually burned away his heart without leaving a trace. Even if they were to become each other's shackles, suffocating each other aimlessly…
Sinclair needed Elaina.
"I love you, Elaina," he said, a deviation from his usual demeanor, causing her to momentarily hesitate. "Please don't leave me."
...A lie. She knew all too well that she shouldn't believe Sinclair’s words, and yet she cursed herself for being momentarily shaken. Perhaps the most ridiculous thing was not that Sinclair was finally being sincere, but that Elaina herself hadn't completely driven him out of her heart, foolishly, after all that had happened.
But that would end today.
Elaina clenched her small, pale hand beneath the flowy sleeves of her dress, as if firmly seizing her own resolve. "I have never loved you, not even once." In that moment, amusingly, Sinclair's hand that held her ankle began to tremble faintly. "I only ever intended to use you. That was always everything." Elaina emphasized her words with even more force. "And of course, I do not love you now, either."
She would not fall for Sinclair's cunning again, floundering in a swamp of despair, making the foolish mistake of drowning in it. The foolish and pathetic act of ultimately strangling herself because she couldn’t completely erase him from her life, where he remained as a deep stain in every corner...
"And I never will. Forever." She could see a darkness as deep as a pitch-black night swallowing up Sinclair's golden eyes. It almost seemed like she could hear the sound of his heart, breaking into pieces just like in the past, falling to the dirty ground. Facing Sinclair, now as still as death, Elaina reaffirmed her resolve.
Always appearing as a savior... but inevitably strangling her. He had once been her only friend, her benefactor, the man she loved. And now, she resolved to abandon him in the most miserable way possible, once and for all... just as he had always done to her.